Ixhala lobudlelwane: Iindlela ezi-8 zokufumana ngaphezulu koloyiko lwakho

Amagama Aphezulu Ebantwaneni

Ukuba unobudlelwane kwaye ubuza kakhulu ukuba kutheni bekunye nawe okanye ukuba iya kuphela nini, amathuba okuba unobudlelwane obuqhubekayo. Nangona kubonakala ngokwahlukileyo kumntu ukuya kumntu, ukuxhalaba kobudlelwane ngokuqhelekileyo kubonakala ngokuzikhathaza ngokugqithisileyo malunga nobudlelwane bothando. Ayingomabhabhathane, bantu. Kuchasene noko. Ke, iintakumba mhlawumbi? Umgca osezantsi: Kuyanya kwaye kunokutshabalalisa uthando lwakho ngaphakathi. Masingene kuyo (ukuze sikwazi ukugqitha kuyo). Apha, sichitha ixhala, apho livela khona kunye neendlela ezisibhozo onokuloyisa ngayo ixhala lobudlelwane.



Iintlobo zokuxhalaba

Uxinzelelo aluyonto intsha kuninzi lwethu. Sinexhala apha naphaya malunga neziganeko zentlalo ezizayo, amaxesha omsebenzi kunye neziganeko ezibalulekileyo ebomini. Noko ke, ngokutsho kweAmerican Psychiatric Association, ingxaki yokuxhalaba sisifo sengqondo esinokufunyaniswa esibandakanya ukuxhalaba okuqatha nokusoloko kukho. Ingxaki yokuxhalaba ngokubanzi unokufunyaniswa emva kokuba umntu efumene iinyanga ezintandathu ezilandelelanayo zoxinzelelo olugqithisileyo malunga neziganeko zemihla ngemihla. Ingxaki yokuxhalaba ekuhlaleni (echaphazela abantu abazizigidi ezili-15 eUnited States kuphela, ngokutsho Ukuxhalaba kunye noMbutho woxinzelelo waseMelika ) luloyiko olukhulu lokugwetywa kwabanye kwiimeko zentlalo.



Iyafana nengxaki yokuxhalaba ekuhlaleni , ixhala lobudlelwane ijikeleza kwimeko ethile okanye iseti yeemeko, ezizezi, ezothando. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba awudingi ukuxilongwa ngokusemthethweni koxinzelelo oluvela kugqirha ukuze ube nexhala lobudlelwane. Okuthetha ukuba nokuba nexhala elincinane malunga nokuthandana lisafaneleka njengexhala lobudlelwane-kwaye nabani na unokufumana, kungekhona nje abo bethu abanokuxilongwa okukhoyo.

Ijongeka njani ixhala lobudlelwane?

Ixhala lobudlelwane, njengazo zonke iintlobo zokuxhalaba kunye neminqwazi emikhulu ngokwenene, ibonakala yahlukile kumntu wonke. Ukuphazamiseka kokuxhalaba okuqhelekileyo kunokubangela ukungazinzi, ukwenza isigqibo, ukudinwa, ukuphuthelwa, ukuxinezeleka kwezihlunu, ukucaphuka kunye nokudakumba. Ukuxhalaba kobudlelwane kunokubonakalisa ngokufanayo; Umahluko kuphela kwezo zibonakaliso zivela nge-lens yentsebenziswano. Qaphela: Uninzi lwezi zimpawu zifakwa ngaphakathi ngokulula. Umntu onengxaki yobudlelwane unokusebenza nzima ukuyifihla.

Ngapha koko, uKathleen Smith, PhD, umcebisi weengcali onelayisensi, wabhala Psychcom ukuba ngathi yonke into ilungile kuba usoyika ukuba nencoko enzulu neqabane lakho luphawu olukhulu lokuxhalaba kobudlelwane. Ngokufanayo, ukuba uziva uxhalabile kakhulu xa iqabane lakho lingekho kufutshane nawe okanye emehlweni, unokuba noxinzelelo lobudlelwane. Oku kunokuthetha ukuba unokucinga ngazo zonke iindlela abakukopela ngazo xa bengaphandle kwenye indawo okanye awukwazi ukuma ngaphandle kwabo. Ngoku, ukuba kukho ubungqina bokuba abathembekanga, libali elahlukileyo elo. Kodwa, ukuzihlamba ingqondo ekukholelweni ukuba umntu uyakopela ngaphandle kobungqina obungaphaya kombono wakho luphawu olukhulu lokuxhalaba kobudlelwane.



Olunye ubonakaliso luziqinisekisa ukuba iqabane lakho liya kukushiya nangaliphi na ixesha. Le ngcinga iphosakeleyo ihlala ihambelana nokungakwazi ukuphakamisa uloyiko lwakho. Ukuba ndiveza ixhala lam lokulahlwa, kuya kulikhathaza iqabane lam kwaye baya kundishiya ngokuqinisekileyo.

Kwicala le-flip, umntu othembele kuphela kwiqabane lakhe ukuba abe yibhodi evakalayo kwezi-kunye nazo naziphi na ezinye-amaxhala anokuba noxinzelelo kubudlelwane. Ukuba iqabane lakho likuphela komntu ehlabathini lonke okwaziyo ukuthomalalisa imithambo-luvo yakho okanye akuthethe phantsi ngamaxesha oloyiko olugqithisileyo, ixhala lobudlelwane lisenokujikeleza kwindawo ethile (kwaye linokuba mandundu ngokuhamba kwexesha).

Okokugqibela, ukuba uyakuphepha ukuthandana okanye uzibophelele kubudlelwane ngokupheleleyo, unokuba nexhala malunga nobudlelwane. Ayizondaba ezothusa umhlaba, kodwa zikhankanyiwe kuba ixhala langaphambili malunga nobudlelwane linokopha kwizithandani ezintsha.



Yintoni ‘ebangela’ ixhala lobudlelwane?

Kwakhona, wonke umntu wahlukile, kwaye isibini ngasinye sinemikhwa yaso. Ukuxhalaba ngobudlelwane kunokwakha kuwo omabini amaqabane ngokuhamba kwexesha, elinye iqabane linokuza ngokungxama kwasekuqaleni, umntu omnye enze into yokudala ixhala; izinto ezinokwenzeka azipheli. Nokuba yeyiphi na indlela, ukukhomba oyena nobangela kubalulekile ukuba uyinqumle kwihlumelo okanye uyibhuqe ukuya kutsho kubungakanani obulawulekayo.

1. Ukuxilongwa kwangaphambili


Ezinye iziphazamiso ezifunyaniswe njengengxaki yokuxhalaba ekuhlaleni zinokukhokelela okanye zondle unxunguphalo lobudlelwane. Ngenxa yokuba ixhala lentlalontle lisekelwe ekoyikeni isigwebo sabanye okanye ukuzikhathaza rhoqo ukuba abantu bacinga ntoni ngawe, akunzima ukubona ukuba ezo ngcinga zinokuvusa njani umlilo wonxunguphalo.

2. Ukophulwa kwentembelo


Ukuba iqabane lakho alithembekanga kuwe kwixesha elidlulileyo (kwaye unobungqina okanye baye bahlangabezana nayo), oku kunokukhokelela ekungathembeni kunye nokuxhalaba malunga nobudlelwane obuhamba phambili. Usenokuzifumana uzibuza ukuba ngaba batshintshile na, usazi ukuba bebengathembekanga kumaqabane angaphambili.

3. Ukuziphatha kakubi okanye ulwimi


Naluphi na uhlobo lokuxhatshazwa—emzimbeni, ngamazwi, ngokweemvakalelo—lunokukhokelela ngokuthe ngqo kwixhala. Ukuxhatshazwa ngokwasemzimbeni akulunganga. Nceda ufowunele i Umnxeba woNcedo lweSizwe loBundlobongela baseKhaya ukuba iqabane lakho likwenzakalisa ngokwasemzimbeni. Ukuxhatshazwa ngamazwi nangokweemvakalelo kuyabatyhafisa abantu okanye kubangela uloyiko ngamazwi. Ukuba iqabane lakho lihlala liqhula ngeempazamo zakho okanye lizenza ngathi likhohlakele kakhulu kunokuba linobubele bokwenyani, unokuba nexhala lobudlelwane kolu hlobo lokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo nangokwamazwi.

4. Imilo engenamveliso


U-Aka ulwa ophela ngoxolo olungenanto. Imilo enemveliso iphela ekufundeni okuthile ngawe okanye iqabane lakho kwaye nikhule kunye njengesibini.

5. Ukuzikhathaza ngekamva


Niza kutshata nobabini? Ngaba bafuna izinto ezifanayo ebomini? Liliphi ixesha elifanelekileyo lokubuza le mibuzo?

6. Ukuncamathela okunexhala


Ngokuchaseneyo nabantu ababonisa uqhagamshelo olukhuselekileyo, abo bane ukuncamathela okunexhala bahlala bengaqinisekanga ngokuzinikela kweqabane labo. Oku kukhokelela kwiindlela zokuziphatha ezitshabalalisayo ezinokutyhalela kude iqabane.

7. Intsomi yeqabane eligqibeleleyo


Ukuhlala uzibuza ukuba ukhona omnye umntu ongcono kuwe kunomntu omfumeneyo kuyingozi kakhulu. Iindaba ezimnandi: Umdlalo wakho ogqibeleleyo awukho. UEstere Perel , ingcali yezobudlelwane (kunye nomfanekiso wenkcubeko), uyiphinda le nyaniso kubathengi bayo. Oku kuthetha ukuba wena okanye iqabane lakho anokuze nilindele ukusingatha yonke imeko ngokufanelekileyo okanye ngokusengqiqweni. Kwakhona kuthetha ukuba xa ufumene into enkulu, ungakhathazeki ngengca eluhlaza kwenye iyadi.

Ke, ngaba kukuxhalaba okanye uxinzelelo oludala?

Nantsi into: Wonke umntu, e abanye inqaku, mhlawumbi amava abanye ixhala malunga nobudlelwane. Ukuba asizange senze njalo, sinokuba si-sociopathic. Xa sithanda umntu, sinethemba lokuba naye uyasithanda! Xa sitshatile nomntu, sisebenza nzima yaye akusoloko kulula. Iyaqhubekeka, inkxalabo eyoyikekayo malunga nemiba ethile kubudlelwane yeyona nto ifuna ukwenziwa ngokutsha okukhulu.

Ngethamsanqa, ibala elijikeleze impilo yengqondo liye lacelwa umngeni kwiminyaka yakutshanje kwaye abantu bavuleleke ngakumbi ekuxoxeni ngokuphazamiseka kokuxhalaba kunye nokufunda indlela yokuhlangabezana nako, inyathelo elinye ngexesha.

Iindlela ezi-8 zokoyisa ukuxhalaba kobudlelwane bakho

1.Zibuze, Ngaba ubudlelwane bufanelekile?

Isazi sengqondo sokuziphatha UWendy M. Yoder, PhD , ikhuthaza abantu ukuba baqale ukunciphisa ixhala lobudlelwane ngokuzilinganisa nabo ngokunyaniseka. Ngaba ubudlelwane bufanelekile? Lo ayingombuzo ulula okanye uwuthathe lula. Kodwa, ekupheleni kosuku, ngaba lo mntu ukulungele? Gcina ukhumbula, njengoko uEsther Perel esixelela, akukho qabane ligqibeleleyo. Abantu abafezekanga kwaye kulungile! Umbuzo ngulo, Ngaba bagqibelele? Umbuzo ngulo, Ngaba siyalungelelana?

Ingcebiso yePro: Ukuba awuyazi impendulo yalo mbuzo (ukungagqibeki yinto enkulu kwi-equation yexhala), qala ngamanyathelo amancinci. Zama amanye amaqhinga adweliswe ngezantsi. Njengoko uqhubela phambili, nokuba ngumntu wakho okanye hayi uya kucaca ngakumbi.

2. Jongana nayo ngqo


Awukwazi ukusombulula iqhina ngaphandle kokujonga imikhondo; awukwazi ukulungisa inkxalabo yobudlelwane ngaphandle kokuyibiza ukuba yintoni kwaye uthethe neqabane lakho ngayo. Ubudlelwane bezothando ayingomalinge eyedwa (nangona sifuna ukuba wonke umntu azithande ngaphandle kwemiqathango!). Kuthatha ezimbini ukuya kwi-tango, kwaye iqabane lakho kufuneka lifakwe kulo mzamo. Inye into omele uyiphephe? Ukuthetha ngale nto ngeteknoloji. Kufuneka ubuso ngobuso. UGqr. Alexandra Solomon , ingcali yengqondo yeklinikhi enelayisensi kunye nombhali wencwadi Ukuthanda ngokukhaliphile: Izifundo ezingama-20 zokuZifumanisa ukuze uncede ufumane uthando olufunayo. , unyanzelisa iincoko ezinzima kufuneka zenzeke kumntu. Ukubhala imiyalezo akunabucukubhede, ukungasebenzisi amagama, kunye ne-nuance, ngokutsho kukaSolomon. Ukuba kwigumbi elinye nomnye umntu ebudeni beengxoxo ezinzima ngundoqo kwincoko enentsingiselo engakumbi.

Ingcebiso yePro: Ukuba awuqinisekanga ukuba ubudlelwane bufanele ukulwela, indlela iqabane lakho elisabela ngayo kwixhala lakho liya kuba sisalathiso esinamandla sokuba ngaba likulo ixesha elide (kwaye lifanelekile ixesha lakho, amandla kunye nothando. ).

3. Thethani ngayo—kunye nomnye


USolomon uthetha kakhulu malunga nokuguquguquka kwamandla kubudlelwane kunye nophando lweembekiselo olwenziwe nguGqr Carmen Knudson-Martin kunye noGqr Anne Rankin Mahoney ngalo mbandela. Xa ucinga ngokuxhalaba kwakho okanye uzisa uloyiko kunye neqabane lakho, cinga ukuba ngubani obambe amandla kubudlelwane bakho. Amandla angalungelelananga, njengelinye iqabane elisoloko linikezela kwiimfuno zelinye ngeendleko zalo, anokubangela unxunguphalo.

Ukuzama nzima kakhulu ukuzola malunga neemvakalelo zakho ezinamatye okanye ungafuni ukushukumisa imbiza ayiyondlela yokuqhuba ubudlelwane. Ngokufuthi, ngakumbi xa siqala into entsha, siyakuphepha ukungquzulana kuba sifuna ukubonakala sipholile yaye sihlanganiswe ndawonye. Le yiresiphi yentlekele.

Ingcebiso yePro: Nokuba kukho i-inklings yobudlelwane obuxhalabileyo apha naphaya, yizise ngoko nangoko. Qala iincoko ngoku malunga neenkxalabo zakho zombini, iimfuno kunye nezinto ozifunayo ngoko ukuba izinto ziba nzima ngakumbi kamva (okungaphephekiyo, kubudlelwane bexesha elide, baya kwenza), ulwimi sele lukhona ukujongana namaxhala amatsha.

4. Tyala imali kunyango lodwa


Unyango ngokwenyani yindawo oya kuyo, ngaphandle kokuba umhlobo wakho osenyongweni anqwale kwaye akugalele enye iglasi yepinot, ugqirha wakho uyakunceda ukuba uthethe ngeendlela onokuthintela iimvakalelo ezimbi ukuba zithathe indawo. Ibaluleke kakhulu. Ewe, ixhala lobudlelwane linokuba nento yokwenza neqabane likabani, kodwa ukujonga ngaphakathi ukutyhila iidemon zobuqu kuyimfuneko. Unyango alunakukunceda nje ukuba uqonde ngcono, utolike kwaye uphathe iimvakalelo zakho; inokukunika izixhobo zokuqonda ngcono, ukutolika nokuphatha iimvakalelo zabanye.

Ingcebiso yePro: Kulungile ukuthengela ugqirha ngaphambi kokuba uzinze kumntu okufumanayo.

5. Cinga ngonyango lwezibini


Yonke into isandula ukukhankanywa, ngaphandle kwabatshatileyo. Unyango lwabatshatileyo lunokuphucula unxibelelwano kwaye luchaze okulindelweyo phakathi kwamaqabane, nto leyo enokwakha ukuthembana kwaye inike abantu bobabini iindlela ezingakumbi zokuzibonakalisa kwixesha elizayo. Kwakhona, abanyangi bakholisa ukuba balungile ekubuzeni imibuzo eyenza ingxoxo malunga nezihloko ezibalulekileyo. Iqela lesithathu, elinoqeqesho olubanzi kwizifundo zengqondo kunye nobudlelwane, liya kukwazi ukwenza iingcebiso malunga nokuphucula ubudlelwane ngokusekelwe ekujongeni indlela wena neqabane lakho enithetha ngayo kwaye niphathane ngayo. Le ikwayindawo entle yokuzisa izihloko ezintsonkothileyo onokufuna uncedo lokuthetha ubuso ngobuso. Iingcali ziye zazibona ezi ngxaki ngaphambili kwaye zilapha ukukunceda ekuzisombululeni.

Icebiso lobuchule: Ukuya kunyango lwezibini ezitshatileyo ayikuphela nje kwezibini ezikuluhlu loqhawulo-mtshato. Kuzo zonke izibini, kwanabo basempilweni, abafuna ukufumana okuninzi kubudlelwane babo.

6. Zidibanise


Asithethi ukuba wohlukane neqabane lakho kwaye uzithande nje, kodwa sithetha ukutyala imali kwiminqweno yakho. U-Esther Perel uthi abantu ngabanye bahlala bezama ukufumana ukulingana okufanelekileyo kwenkululeko kunye nokhuseleko, kwaye xa silahlekelwa enye okanye sizuza kakhulu kwenye, kunokubangela ukuxhalaba. Ixhala lobudlelwane elibangelwa kukuziva ungafaneleki okanye ukuba nesithukuthezi linokuthi liphinde litshintshwe akuba umntu ephinde wafumanisa kwaye waphinda watyala imali kuye (esebenzisa inkululeko yakhe). Kuya kufuneka ube nobomi ngaphandle kweqabane lakho. Bhalisela loo klasi ubunenjongo yokuyithatha! Zibekele usukelo lobuqu uze uchaze amanyathelo ayimfuneko ukuze uhlangabezane nalo! Ungama-50 ekhulwini obudlelwane; yiza nolona guqulelo lungcono lwakho etafileni.

Icebiso lobuchule: Cinga ngokuba ngumntu osebenzayo, kunokuba ube liqabane elisebenzayo. Umhlaba wakho akufuneki ujikeleze iqabane lakho, kwaye awabo akufuneki ajikeleze kuwe. Kufuneka nikho omnye komnye (ukhuseleko) ngaphandle kokuphazamisa ukukhula.

7. Bhala kwakhona iingcinga zakho


Inxalenye enkulu yokoyisa ixhala (kunye nokuphazamiseka okuninzi kwempilo yengqondo) kukutshintsha indlela esithetha ngayo nathi. Ukulungiswa kweengcinga ezimbi (Akazange abize. Uyandiqhatha ngokucacileyo.) Ubasela ukuxhalaba. Kunoko, qeqesha ubuchopho bakho ukuba buqwalasele ezinye izinto ezinokwenzeka kuqala (Akazange afowune. Ifowuni yakhe ingaba ibhetri. Usenokuba usekwintlanganiso yomsebenzi. Ugqithiswe ngumdlalo weFortnite.). Ukutsibela kwizigqibo akusempilweni-kwaye akucingi ukuba iqabane lakho liza kuthini xa ujongana nabo malunga nento oyithethayo. cinga baye bahamba. Kunokuba wakhe intsomi ende engqondweni yakho, jonga kunye neqabane lakho kwixesha elizayo xa nikunye.

Kukwanjalo nakwindlela othetha ngayo nawe. Zama ukusebenzisa uGqr. Dan Siegel's Name It to Tame It indlela. Abantu abaninzi abanexhala babuyela kwiipateni ezifanayo zokucinga ezingalunganga ngokuphindaphindiweyo (kwixhala lobudlelwane, oku kunokuba ndingento yanto, ngokuqinisekileyo uya kundishiya.). UGqr. Siegel uthi ukukwazi ukubhala into ethile kuyasixhobisa ukuba sikhethe indlela esisabela ngayo kuyo. Ke, kamsinya nje xa uqala ukwenza ibali malunga nokungathembeki kweqabane lakho, ziyeke, yibize ukuba yintoni na (ndiziva ndinexhala okanye ndiziva ndingakhuselekanga) kwaye wenze ukhetho olunamandla malunga nokuhamba kwakho okulandelayo.

Icebiso lePro: Le ntshukumo ilandelayo inokuba uzixelele ukuba uyabanjwa kwaye iqabane lakho linethamsanqa lokuba nawe (nokuba awukholelwa ngelo xesha). Isenokuba ukubhala phantsi uluhlu lwamaxesha amnandi kubudlelwane bakho. Isenokuba uthetha izinto ozithandayo ngawe ngokuvakalayo. Isenokuba kukufowunela umhlobo wakho okanye ukufunda incwadi okanye nantoni na ekwenza uzive ulungile ngawe.

8. Yenza umthambo


Ukuthetha ngokuziva ulungile, umthambo ligorha elibalaseleyo kwilizwe lempilo yengqondo! Kwakhona, ixhala lobudlelwane luhlobo lwexhala. Ukuzivocavoca-ngokukodwa i-yoga-kubonakaliswe ukunciphisa amanqanaba e-cortisol (ihomoni ephethe uxinzelelo). Nye uphononongo lwakutsha nje ibonise i-27 pesenti yeziganeko ezisezantsi zamaxhala amatsha avela kubantu abenza umthambo rhoqo kunabo bangenzanga. Ke, ngelixa umthambo ngokuqinisekileyo ungasombululi ixhala lobudlelwane ngokwawo, yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yendlela yokuphila elungeleleneyo.

Ingcebiso yePro: Nokuba iklasi enye yeyoga inokuphucula ngokuqinisekileyo imo. Ukuba umthambo awuyonto yakho, qala kancinci.

Ukuba uzifumana uphakathi kwephupha elibi lobudlelwane, thatha umoya onzulu. AWUKHO wedwa. Kukho izibane ekupheleni kweli tonela, kufuneka uqale ukuhamba.

ENXULUMENEYO: Iincwadi ezi-6 Nabani Na Onexhala Ufanele Azifunde

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