Intetho yokwenyani: Ihlabathi lithe saa ngoku. Kwaye eminye imizabalazo esijongene nayo ibonakala ibaluleke kakhulu kangangokuba kulula ukuziva uphantsi malunga nemeko yangoku. Kodwa qiniseka—kukho izinto onokuzenza ukuze uncede abo bakungqongileyo. Unga sayina izicelo . Unganikela ngemali . Unokuziqhelanisaukubekelwa bucala kuluntuukugcina abantu abasesichengeni bekhuselekile. Kwaye singanikela elinye icebiso? Unokuba nobubele.
Ngalo lonke ixesha usenzela abanye into entle—ngaphandle kokulindela nantoni na ngembuyekezo—ulenza libe ngcono kakhulu ihlabathi. Ngaba sithi ukubeka utshintsho kwimitha yokupaka yomnye umntu kuya kusombulula iingxaki zehlabathi? Ngokucacileyo akunjalo. Kodwa kuya kwenza usuku lomntu lukhanye kancinane. Kwaye nantsi into ehlekisayo malunga nobubele: Iyosulela. Loo mntu unokuyihlawula phambili kwaye enze into ethile ecingelwayo okanye yesisa komnye umntu, onokuthi enze okufanayo njalo njalo njalo njalo. (Kwakhona, ukungabi nabubele sisichasi sokunceda, ewe?)
Nantsi enye inyani emnandi malunga nokuba nobubele kwabanye. Ayibancedi nje bona—iya kukwenzela izinto ezintle nawe. Uninzi lwabantu emhlabeni jikelele lufuna ukonwaba ngakumbi, utsho uGqr. Sonja Lyubomirsky , IYunivesithi yaseCalifornia Riverside uNjingalwazi wePsychology kunye nombhali weMyths of Happiness. Kwaye enye yezona ndlela zinamandla [zokwenza oko] kukwenza omnye umntu onwabe ngakumbi ngokuba nobubele nesisa kuye.
Nazi iindlela ezintathu zokuba nobubele kwabanye kunokunceda wena, ngoLyubomirsky. Okokuqala kunokukwenza wonwabe ngakumbi. Uhlolisiso lubonisa ukuba ukuba nobubele kwabanye kunokukwenza uzive ulungile yaye kuyanceda ukomeleza ubuhlobo bakho. Akucaci ncam ukuba kutheni le nto, kodwa abaphandi bakrokrela ukuba ukuba nesisa kunika abantu imvakalelo yokwenza into ebalulekileyo. Oku konyusa umoya wabo. Okwesibini, ukwenza ububele kunokuvula nokucima ufuzo lwakho. Uphononongo lwakutsha nje Icebisa ukuba oku kunokunxulunyaniswa nesistim somzimba esinamandla. Kwaye, okwesithathu, ukuba ufuna ukweyiselwa ngakumbi ukuba ulungile ebantwini, izenzo zobubele zinokukwenza udume ngakumbi. Uphononongo lwabantwana abaneminyaka eyi-9 ukuya kwe-11 yabonisa ukuba izenzo ezilula zesisa zazibenza bathandwe ngakumbi ngabo bafunda nabo.
Ngoko ukuba ufuna ukonwaba ngakumbi, ube sempilweni kwaye uthandwe ngakumbi, yenza okulungileyo komnye umntu. Hayi, ungayithathi kuthi-yithathe kuMnu Rogers. Ngokwamazwi omgcini wemiboniso yabantwana: Kukho iindlela ezintathu zokuphumelela ekugqibeleni: Indlela yokuqala kukuba nobubele. Indlela yesibini kukuba nobubele. Indlela yesithathu kukuba nobubele. Ngoko unaloo mazwi obulumko engqondweni, nazi iindlela ezingama-25 zokuba nobubele.
1. Yiba nobubele kuwe
Yima, asiyonto yonke yolu luhlu ukufunda indlela yokuba nobubele kwabanye? Sive. Ingcambu yeendlela ezininzi zokuziphatha kwabantu, iimpendulo zeemvakalelo kunye nokuziphatha kungaphakathi kwaye ngaphakathi kwengqondo yethu, utsho uDkt. Dean Aslinia, Ph.D., LPC-S, NCC. Ngoko ke akumangalisi ukuba ukuba sifuna ukuba nobubele ngakumbi kwabanye kufuneka siqale ngathi kuqala, wongezelela. Ngaphezulu kweshumi leminyaka yokucetyiswa kwezonyango, ndiye ndaqaphela uninzi lwabathengi bam okokuqala kwaye bebengenabubele kubo. Enoba oko kwaqala ngokungaziniki imvume yokuba neengcinga okanye iimvakalelo ezithile, ukuze bazibethe ngenxa yendlela abasenokuba basilela ngayo umhlobo okanye isithandwa. Oku kunokukhokelela ekubeni usoloko uziva unetyala, uneentloni, yaye unokuzithandabuza. Ukuze ube nobubele ngakumbi kwabanye kufuneka uqale ukuba nobubele kuwe. Uyifumene loo nto?
2. Mncome umntu
Uyakhumbula ngela xesha wawuhamba esitratweni kukho umntu owakuxelela ukuba uyayithanda ilokhwe yakho? Ubukwilifu lesithoba imini yonke. Ukuncoma umntu ngumzamo ophantsi kakhulu egameni lakho kodwa umvuzo mkhulu. Ngapha koko, uphononongo luye lwabonisa ngokuqhubekayo ukuba ukuncoma kunokubuchaphazela njani ubomi bethu. UNjingalwazi uNick Haslam weDyunivesithi yaseMelbourne uxelele iHuffPost Australia , Ukuncoma kunokunyusa umoya, ukuphucula ukubandakanyeka kwimisebenzi, ukuphucula ukufunda kunye nokwandisa ukuzingisa. Wahlabela mgama ecacisa, Ukuncoma ngokungathandabuzekiyo kungcono kunokwamkela, kanye njengokuba ukupha izipho okanye ukunikela kwisisa kuneengenelo kulowo uphayo. Kodwa nantsi into yokubambisa: Ukuncoma ngokuqinisekileyo kufuneka kube yinyani. Izincomo zobuxoki zinokuba nesiphumo esichaseneyo njengezokwenyani. Abantu ababamkelayo bahlala beziva benganyanisekanga kwaye bengenanjongo zintle, kwaye oko kujongela phantsi naziphi na iziphumo ezilungileyo abanokuthi bazive ngokunconywa, utshilo uHaslam.
3. Nika imali kwinto oyikhathaleleyo
Uphononongo luka-2008 ngunjingalwazi weSikole soShishino saseHarvard uMichael Norton kunye noogxa bakhe bafumanisa ukuba ukunika omnye umntu imali kuphakamise ulonwabo lwabathathi-nxaxheba ngaphezu kokuchitha imali kubo. Oku kwenzeka nangona abantu babeqikelela ukuba ukuzichitha bebodwa kuya kubenza bonwabe ngakumbi. Ke cinga ngesizathu esisondeleyo entliziyweni yakho, yenza uphando lokufumana umbutho othembekileyo (inkonzo efana umhloli wesisa inokunceda kuloo nto) kwaye usete umnikelo ophindaphindiweyo ukuba unako. Ngaba ufuna izimvo? Nikela komnye wale mibutho ili-12 exhasa uluntu lwabaNtsundu kunye nokuqhubela phambili intshukumo yeBlack Lives Matter. Okanye unganika enye yezi imibutho elithoba exhasa abasetyhini abamnyama okanye unikele ngokutya kumsebenzi wezempilo ophambili .
4. Nika ixesha kwinto oyikhathaleleyo
Imali ayikuphela kwendlela yokunceda abo basweleyo. Imibutho emininzi kunye nemibutho yesisa idinga amavolontiya ukunceda ukusasaza ilizwi kunye nokufikelela kwiinjongo zabo. Batsalele umnxeba kwaye ubuze ukuba unganceda njani.
5. Chola inkunkuma ngaphandle kwesitrato xa uyibona
Ngaba awuthiyi nje inkunkuma? Ewe, endaweni yokunikina intloko kulaa bhotile yamanzi epakini, yichole kwaye uyibeke kumgqomo wokurisayikilisha. Okufanayo kuya kwizinto ezishiywe ngasemva elunxwemeni-nokuba akukho nkunkuma ekufutshane, thatha loo junk kunye nawe kwaye uyilahle xa unako. Umama weNdalo uya kukubulela.
6. Bahleke
Ngaba awuvanga? Ukuhleka kulungile emphefumlweni. Kodwa ngokunzulu: Ukuhleka kubangela ukukhululwa kwee-endorphins, iikhemikhali zendalo zokuziva zilungile emzimbeni. Ke nokuba usemnxebeni kunye nobestie wakho okanye uzama ukwakha isinxibo se-IKEA nge-SO yakho, bona ukuba ungabenza bancume na. Kodwa musa ukubila ukuba awunazo naziphi na iziqhulo ezihlekisayo kwimikhono yakho. Nditsho nokubukela ikliphu ehlekisayo ( le yiklasikhi ) inokunyusa umoya wabo kwaye ithobe neentlungu, ngokolu phando lweYunivesithi yaseOxford .
7. Nika ingcebiso enkulu ngakumbi
Sinengqondo yokuba ngaphandle kokuba inkonzo iyothusa ngokupheleleyo, kufuneka uhlale unika iingcebiso ngesisa. Kodwa ngakumbi ngoku xa uninzi lwabasebenzi benkonzo yenkonzo bephambili kubhubhani we-coronavirus, kuya kufuneka unyuse igalelo lakho. Bonisa abantu kumashishini ajongene nabathengi (njengomntu ohambisa ukutya okanye umqhubi we-Uber) ukuba uyakuxabisa konke abakwenzayo ngokunika ipesenti ezi-5 ngaphezulu kunokuba uqhele ukwenza ukuba unako.
8. Bulala ubushushu bendlela
Maninzi amathuba okuba nobubele ebantwini endleleni. Nazi ezinye iingcamango: Hlawula umrhumo womqhubi emva kwakho, faka utshintsho kwimitha yokupaka yomnye umntu ukuba ubona ukuba ixesha labo liza kuphelelwa okanye uvumele abantu bahlangane phambi kwakho (nokuba ubukhona kuqala).
9. Thumela umntu isipha esikhulu seentyatyambo
Akunjalo ngenxa yokuba ilusuku lwabo lokuzalwa okanye kuba sisiganeko esikhethekileyo. Thumela i-bestie yakho, umama wakho okanye ummelwane wakho iintyatyambo ezintle ngenxa nje yokuba.Yiza, ngubani ongayi kuvuya ukufumana ezi ntyatyambo zityheli eziqaqambileyo?
10. Fowunela okanye undwendwele ilungu losapho elisele likhulile
Umakhulu wakho uyakukhumbula-thatha ifowuni kwaye umtsalele umnxeba. Emva koko mcele ukuba akuxelele ibali elidlulileyo-inokuba akazange aphile kubhubhani wehlabathi, kodwa sizimisele ukubheja ukuba unezifundo ezithile anokufundisa ukomelela. Okanye ukuba izikhokelo zokudelela ekuhlaleni ziyakuvumela oko (uthi, ukuba unokubona u-anti wakho ngefestile), jiwuva ngokumndwendwela.
11. Hamba kwiingcamango ezimbi kunye nabantu ababi
Kunzima ukuba mhle xa unomsindo, ucaphukile okanye ucaphukile. Ke nali icebiso elivela kwisayikholojisti UGqr. Matt Grzesiak : Sukela kude kwi-negativity. Ungabamba ezakho iingcinga ezimbi kwaye ujike ezakho ingqalelo kwenye indawo, utsho. Ngamanye amaxesha kungcono ukuba uzisuse ngokwasemzimbeni kwimeko-shiya igumbi, uhambe uhambe. Ngamanye amaxesha ukwahlukana ngundoqo ekubeni ube nenjongo kunye nokuzola.
12. Bhaka isidlo kummelwane
Awudingi izakhono zenqanaba le-Ina Garten ukubetha into emnandi. Ukusuka kwiimuffins zebhanana ukuya kwikhekhe letshokholethi, ezi zokupheka lula yokubhaka kwabasaqalayo ngokuqinisekileyo uya kubethwa.
13. Yiphathe kakuhle imekobume
Hee, iplanethi nayo ifuna ububele. Nazi ezinye iindlela onokuthi uncede ngazo okusingqongileyo, ukuqala namhlanje. Qala ukuthwala ibhotile yamanzi egayiweyo . Khetha ubuhle obuzinzileyo kunye nefashoni. Qala umgquba. Khetha iimveliso zasekhaya ezilungele indalo . Nikela, usetyenziswe ngokutsha okanye ubuyisele i-upcycle endaweni yokulahla inkunkuma. Nazi ezinye iingcamango ezingakumbi kwiindlela zokunceda iplanethi.
14. Ukuxhasa amashishini asekuhlaleni
Ngokukodwa kula maxesha e-COVID-19, amashishini amancinci ayatsala nzima. Thenga kwi-intanethi, yenza i-pickup ecaleni kwendlela okanye uthenge isatifikethi sesipho kwiivenkile zakho ozithandayo zasekhaya. Okona kungcono, fumana amashishini angabanini abaNtsundu kwindawo yakho ukuze uwaxhase.
15. Thenga ikofu kumntu osemva kwakho
Kwaye yenze ingaziwa. (Amanqaku ebhonasi ukuba avela kwishishini lendawo-jonga indawo yangaphambili.)
16. Nikela ngegazi
I-American Red Cross okwangoku ijongene nokunqongophala kwegazi. Unokwenza idinga iwebhusayithi yabo .
17. Phulaphula ngenyameko
Abantu banokukuxelela ngokulula ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ukuba ngumphulaphuli ongalunganga, intatheli uKate Murphy usixelela. Izinto ezinje ngokuphazamisa, ukujonga ifowuni yakho, non sequiturs, olo hlobo lwento. Ukuze ube ngumphulaphuli ongcono kwaye uqinisekise ukuba umntu othetha naye uziva ngokwenene uvile , ucebisa ukuba uzibuze imibuzo emibini emva kwencoko nganye: Ndifunde ntoni ngaloo mntu? yaye wayevakalelwa njani loo mntu ngale nto sasithetha ngayo? Ukuba uyakwazi ukuphendula loo mibuzo, uthi ngokuchaza, ungumphulaphuli olungileyo.
18. Baxolele abanye
Ukuxolela kubalulekile ukuze ube ngumntu onobubele, utsho uGqr. Aslinia. Kufuneka ufunde ukuxolela abanye xa besenza iziphoso kuwe. Akubonakali ukuba uyayigqitha? Funa uncedo lwengcali. Nokuba ngumqeqeshi wezempilo yengqondo onelayisenisi okanye umqeqeshi wobomi, fumana umntu oziva ukhululekile kuye kwaye uqale ukuyeka iintlungu zakho zangaphambili okanye iimvakalelo ezinomsindo ezikwenza uzive ubambekile. Xa unokuxolela kwaye uyeke okwadlulayo, ngokwemvelo uya kuba ngumntu onobubele.
19. Tyala into eluhlaza kwiindawo ezingahoywanga zommandla wakho
Cinga ngendlela abaya kuvuya ngayo abamelwane bakho xa bevuka bebona amatyholo okanye iintyatyambo ezintle ngenye imini, ezibonakala zingekho ngqiqweni.
20. Thenga okanye wenzele umntu ongenakhaya isandwich
Iziselo ezibandayo nezishushu (kuxhomekeke kwixesha lonyaka) nazo ziingcamango ezilungileyo.
21. Zixabise ezinye iimbono
Ufuna ngokwenene ukuba mhle kummelwane wakho, kodwa awukwazi ukudlula kwinto yokuba wayekhe wayihlazisa inja yakho. Amaxesha amaninzi, iinkolelo neengcinga zethu ezingqongqo zisiphazamisa kwezona njongo zilungileyo, utsho uGqr. Aslinia. Ke yintoni ukulungiswa? Zama ukukhumbula ukuba sonke siphila ngendlela eyahlukileyo ebomini. Enye yezona zinto zinobubele onokuthi uzenze kukwenza umgudu wokuqonda imbono yabanye abantu. Buza imibuzo kwaye ubonise umdla ebantwini. Wandule ke uphulaphule ngokunyanisekileyo oko bakuthethayo. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, ukuphulaphulakuya kukunceda ukuba ungabinakho ukugweba. (Heyi, mhlawumbi uNksk. Beamon wakha wanepudgy pooch, naye.)
22. Funda enye yezi ncwadi
Ububele buqala ekhaya. Ukusuka Umthi Okunikayo ukuya Amanzi amdaka , nazi iincwadi ezili-15 ezifundisa abantwana ububele.
23. Shiya uphononongo oluqaqambileyo
Uthembele kuphononongo lwabanye abantu ukuba wenze isigqibo malunga nokuba ungatya phi okanye wenze iinwele zakho zenziwe-ngoku lixesha lakho. Kwaye ukuba kwenzeka udibana neweyitala ebalaseleyo okanye umthengisi, ungalibali ukwazisa umphathi ngayo.
24. Yiba ngumthombo we-positivity kumajelo asekuhlaleni
Kukho izinto ezininzi ezibangela uxinzelelo, umxholo ongalunganga ngaphandle. Bacinezele abantu abathiyileyo ngobubele ngokuthumela umxholo ofundisayo, onengqondo nokhuthazayo. Ngamana singacebisa enye yezi caphulo ezilungileyo ?
25. Hlawula
Ngokuthumela olu luhlu ngeenxa zonke.
ENXULUMENEYO: Iindlela ezili-9 ezingqinwe ngokwenzululwazi zokuba nguMntu owonwabileyo
