Iimpawu ezi-6 zabazali bakho bayakukhanyisela ngegesi
1. Zikwenza uzibuze ukuba uyazikhumbula iziganeko ezidlulileyo
Kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba wena nomzali wakho nikhumbule iziganeko, ngokukodwa ukususela ebuntwaneni benu, ngokwahlukileyo. Mhlawumbi ubungafunga ukuba ibiyitheko lakho lokuzalwa lesihlanu elinesihloko sePower Ranger endaweni yesithandathu sakho, okanye ubhaka owuthandayo nguBarbie, hayi okaBarney. Noko ke, itshintshela kwindawo enegesi, xa umzali wakho ezama ukwenza ngokungathi khange kwenzeke into eye yanempembelelo enzulu kuwe. Masithi ukhumbula ixesha apho wawuxhatshazwa esikolweni esiphakathi. Unokuzama ukuyiveza, kodwa uxelelwe ukuba uyamangalisa, kwaye oko akuzange kwenzeke ngokwenene. Oku, kwakhona, kuphazamisa amava akho kwaye ikwenza ubuze inkumbulo yakho. Zombini iiflegi ezinkulu ezibomvu.
2. Bakuxelela into oyithandayo (kunye nento ongayithandiyo)
Xa singabantwana, kuqhelekile ukuba abazali benze oku. Mhlawumbi banenkumbulo engcono yexesha lokuqala xa uzama i-pickle kwaye wakhala imizuzu engama-25 kunokuba wenze. Nangona kunjalo, umdala ngoku, kwaye nguwe kuphela oza kuthatha isigqibo malunga nento oyithandayo kunye nento ongayithandiyo. Ukuba umzali wakho uhlala ezama ukukuqinisekisa ukuba uyenzile ngokuqinisekileyo uthe awusoze ufune ukufudukela eNew York, bazama ukwenza ukuba uqikelele okwesibini izimvo zakho, ubanika ulawulo ngakumbi.
3. Baphika Izinto Obabizela Ngazo
Oku kusebenza kulo naluphi na uhlobo lobudlelwane apho ukrokrela ukuba kukho umntu okukhanyisa ngegesi. Uyazi engqondweni yakho ukuba kukho into eyenzekayo, kodwa xa uyizisa, udibana nokukhanyela ngokupheleleyo kwaye kunokwenzeka nokuba, uyaphambana. Ingaba uthetha ngantoni?! Kwakhona, le yindlela yokuba bakwenze ubuze eyakho ingqondo kwaye ujike ityala kubo.
4. Bakuxelela ukuba Ubaxa
Olunye uphawu olubonisa ukuba kukho umntu okukhanyisa ngegesi. Enye yeenjongo eziphambili ze-gaslighter kukukwenza ukuba ubuze iingcinga kunye neemvakalelo zakho. Masithi uye walala ebhedini yakho ngenxa yokwahlukana. Umzali wakho akasiqondi isizathu sokuba wenze into enkulu kangaka kwaye akakholelwa ukuba uyarhoxisa izicwangciso zakho zesidlo sangokuhlwa. ukuba umntu. Kulungile-akufuneki. Kodwa uthi wenza into enkulu kakhulu kule grade-A toxicity; ngelixa ndingazi ukuba utyhubela ntoni, kodwa ndiyaxolisa kakhulu ngale nto yenzekileyo yindlela enovelwano.
5. Abafumani Mincili Ngawe
Ufumene ukunyuselwa okukhulu emsebenzini othe wadubula inxalenye engcono kulo nyaka uphelileyo. Xa ufowunela umama wakho ukuba umxelele ngale nto, indlela asabela ngayo ayithethi kakuhle. Abazali kufuneka babe ngabona bacheerleaders bakho abakhulu, kwaye ukwenza uzive kakubi okanye uphantsi kunokuba luphawu lokuba ubudlelwane obuyityhefu . Ngokukhawuleza emva kokuba uchithe ixesha kunye nabo, zibuze, ‘Ngaba ndiziva ndibhetele okanye ndidandatheke ngakumbi kunokuba ndiphume endlwini ngale ntsasa? Ukuba uhlala uziva umbi ngakumbi, ziyityhefu. '[Aba bantu] bayagalela; ukudibana kukushiya uphelelwe ngokweemvakalelo,' utsho Abigail Brenner, M.D . 'Ixesha kunye nabo limalunga nokukhathalela ishishini labo, nto leyo eya kukushiya uziva udangele kwaye ungafezekanga, ukuba awucaphukanga. Musa ukuzivumela ukuba udinwe ngenxa yokupha nokupha uze ungafumani mbuyekezo.’
6. Basoloko Bedlala Ixhoba
Kwi Iintlobo ezi-5 zabantu abanokonakalisa ubomi bakho ngu-Bill Eddy, umbhali uchonga i-HCP (i-high-conflict personalities) abanamandla okwenza umonakalo kubomi babahlobo babo kunye namalungu entsapho. Intambo eqhelekileyo phakathi kwaba bantu kukungakwazi ukutshintsha okanye ukubona indima yabo kwiingxaki zobomi. Ngempazamo bakholelwa ukuba zonke iingxaki zabo ziyazenzekela—ngokungathi bawa ezulwini—kwaye akukho nto banokuyenza ngaloo nto, ucacisa athi. Ngokuqhubekayo baziva bengamaxhoba ebomini. Nabani na onokusilela okubonwayo kwe-arhente ebomini bakhe ukulungele ukujikeleza ebukrakra ngaphandle kokuzimisela ukwaphula iipateni zakudala.
Indlela yokujongana nokuKhanyiswa kweGesi kwabazali
1. Zama ukuqonda ukuba Kwenzeka ntoni
I-gaslighting isebenza kakuhle xa ixhoba lingayazi into eyenzekayo. Nje ukuba uqonde okwenzekayo, uya kuxhotyiswa ngcono ukuze ulungele ukulwa, okanye ubuncinci ubize i-gaslighter ngokuziphatha kwabo, okunokubaphosa kumdlalo wabo, okanye kubenze bakuthathele ingqalelo njengento ekujoliswe kuyo. Ukuba ukrokrela ukuba kukho umntu okulayita ngegesi, zifundise malunga nokuba yintoni na ukulayita ngegesi, amaqhinga asetyenziswa sisibane kunye neendlela zokuhlangabezana nako. Psychology Namhlanje sisixhobo esigqwesileyo samanqaku abhalwe ngabasebenzi bezempilo yengqondo.
2. Ukujongana Nabo NgokuziPhatha Kwabo
Nje ukuba ufunde ngezizathu ezingemva kunye namaqhinga asetyenziswa ekukhanyeni kwegesi, lixesha lokuthatha inyathelo. Njengoko kukhankanyiwe, ukukhanya kwegesi kusebenza kakuhle xa ixhoba lisebumnyameni malunga nokuba kuqhubeka ntoni. Ukuba uziva ukhululekile ukwenza njalo, vumela umntu okukhanyisa igesi ukuba uyazi ukuba uyayibona into ayenzayo, kwaye awuyi kumela. Ukuba ubonisa ukuba uphezu kwabo, banokugqiba ekubeni intlawulo ayifanelekanga umzabalazo. Kodwa qaphela ukuba indlela obiza ngayo umntu ibalulekile. Endaweni yokuba ube shushu kwaye ungene kwimodi yokuhlasela, zama ukufowunela i-gaslighter yakho ngokuzolileyo. Oku kuya kubabonisa ukuba, ukongeza ekuqondeni ukuba baphezu kwantoni na, awukhumbuli naloo meko.
3. Qokelela ubungqina
Ngenxa yokuba injongo ephambili ye-gaslighting kukukwenza uzive ngathi ulahlekelwe yinyani, kubalulekile ukugcina irekhodi lezinto njengoko zenzeka, ukubuyela njengobungqina xa uqala ukungabaza imemori yakho. Xa kuziwa kubungqina, i Umnxeba woNcedo lweSizwe loBundlobongela baseKhaya icebisa ukuba kugcinwe ijenali enemihla, amaxesha neenkcukacha ezininzi kangangoko kunokwenzeka, ukongezelela ekuzityand’ igila kwilungu lentsapho okanye umhlobo omthembileyo.
4. Gqiba ukuba uBudlelwane Bufanelekile na
Ngokucacileyo lonke ubudlelwane buhlukile, kodwa ukuba ucinga ukuba i-gaslighting iyadlala, isoloko ifanelekile ukujonga. Ukuba umntu okukhanyisa ngegesi lilungu losapho okanye umntu othandana naye, kunokuba nzima ukwenza ikhefu elicocekileyo. Amanyathelo okuqala anokubandakanya iinkonzo zonyango.
5. Yayama kubahlobo nakwiNtsapho
Nangona kudla ngokuba yinjongo yesilayishi ukukwahlukanisa nabantu abakukhathaleleyo, ukuba nabanye abantu onokuzityand’ igila kubo kubalulekile. Ukongeza ekusebenzeni njengebhodi evakalayo, umhlobo okanye ilungu losapho ngumntu wesithathu ongakhethi cala onokuthi ajonge imeko kwaye akukhumbuze ukuba le nto uyivayo ayiphambani okanye ayibaxi.
6. Beka phambili Ukuzikhathalela
Ukukhathazeka malunga nokulayita kwegesi kunokungena kuyo yonke indawo yobomi bakho, ikwenza kube nzima ukonwabela nabantu obathandayo, iindawo okanye izinto. Ngenxa yokuba kuthatha umonakalo omkhulu kwimpilo yakho yengqondo, ukuzinyamekela kubaluleke kakhulu. Ngokugxila kuwe, uya kuziva unamandla okuzimela kwaye ujongane nayo yonke imiceli mngeni ephoswa bubomi kuwe. Ukusuka ekubhaleni uluhlu lokubulela ukuya ekubukeleni iiNtetho ze-TED ezikhuthazayo, nazi uninzi lweendlela ezilula kakhulu zokuziqhelanisa nokuzikhathalela .
7. Funa Uncedo lobuNgcali
Ezinye iimeko zokulayita igesi kulula ukuzishiya kunezinye, kwaye ubudlelwane bentsapho ngomnye wezona zinzima. Ukuba ukrokrela ukuba kukho ukukhanya kwegesi kubudlelwane bakho nomzali wakho (okanye abazali), funa uncedo lonyango olugunyazisiweyo—ingakumbi umntu ojongene nonyango lwentsapho—onokukunceda uchaze into ohamba nayo kwaye akuncede ufumane idlule kuyo.
ENXULUMENEYO : Iimpawu ezili-15 zabantu abanetyhefu ekufuneka uzilumkele
