Oko ndandiselula, ndandithandana kakhulu.
Ndandinochuku kuJason wasePower Rangers, ndandithanda iSpice Girls kwaye ndidlala neMy Little Ponies zikadadewethu xa engekho. I zange ngokwenene ndabuza ukuba ndingubani kuba ndandisazi ukuba ndiyawathanda amakhwenkwe kwaye ndandisazi ukuba ndiyathanda ukuhlala namantombazana, kodwa ndandisazi nokuba ukubonwa kwam njengowasetyhini kwakungajongwa njengophawu oluhle phakathi kwabo bandingqongileyo.
Ndandizigcinele kum iimvakalelo zam ndize ndizame ukungaziphathi kakubi okanye nditsale ingqalelo kum. Ndafumanisa ukuba ndisemncinci, ndandizicutha kwaye ndiza kuphela sabela, kunokuba ndiziphathe ngendlela endifuna ukuba yiyo. Ndandidla ngokubukela ubuso babanye xa ndisenza okanye ndithetha izinto yaye, ngokusekelwe kwindlela abathetha ngayo, ndandidla ngokuhlengahlengisa ukuze bangazi ukuba ndingubani kanye kanye. Ukuchwetheza kwiimpawu zentlalo yabantu kwaba yimephu yendlela yam malunga nendlela yokudlula ebutsheni ngaphandle kokugxekwa kakhulu.
Umbhali kunye noJason ovela kwi-Power Rangers.
Zazingekho zininzi abantu abathandanayo kumabonakude ndisakhula. Ndikhumbula kakuhle xa kwaphuma icwecwe likaChristina Aguilera's Stripped: Ndandineminyaka eli-12 ubudala kwaye ndandibukele ipremiere yakhe. ividiyo yomculo yoMhle kwi-TRL ye-MTV. Le vidiyo inamadoda amabini angamafanasini aza kuncamisana njengoko abantu bedlula kwaye awanike inkangeleko engathandekiyo. Njengoko ingoma iphakamisa, isibini siqala ukumanga kunye nokubamba izandla.
Ukubona i kiss yam yokuqala yesitabane ndihleli ecaleni kukamama bekungeyonto ilula. Kwafuneka ndenze ngathi yayilizothe kodwa, ngaphakathi ndandiziva ngathi ndiyatsha—yayisisihlandlo sokuqala ukuba ndizive ngathi kukho umntu oyiqondayo imeko endandikuyo. Le mizuzu embalwa kwividiyo yomculo ndaziva ndinesibindi kunokuba bendizivumela ukuba ndibe. Indlela la madoda anyamezele ngayo inkangeleko evela kwisihlwele ukuba sonwabele nje lo mzuzu yayikukuchasa ngokwako.
Kuyo yonke iminyaka yam yesikolo esiphakathi, i-AIM kunye neYahoo Messenger zazidume kakhulu. Ndaqala ukujonga amaqela eengxoxo kwaye ndafumana indlela yam kwiqela elibizwa ngokuba yi-gayteens4gayteens. Yayiyincoko eyayimodareyithwa lolunye ulutsha lwamafanasini, yaye ngoko nangoko yaba yindawo yokuba ndiqalise ukuziva ndikhululekile ukuba nam.
Ekupheleni kwebanga lesibhozo, ndandichitha ixesha lam elininzi kwi-intanethi. Engqondweni yam, ndacinga ngendlela endandiphila ngayo ubomi obumbaxa ndandineminyaka eli-14 ubudala. Ndandingumntu onebhongo gay kwi-intanethi kodwa ndandiza kunkcenkceshela ngokobuqu ukuze ndizifumanele imini yonke. Elo hlotyeni yayisisenzo sokulinganisa phakathi kwehlabathi ezimbini: Ndiya kuba neengxoxo ezihamba kunye nabahlobo bam bokwenyani bobomi kunye nabahlobo bam abangama-gay. Ekubeni ndandingcungcuthekiswa esikolweni ngenxa yokuba ndilifanasini, ndandidla ngokuchitha ixesha lam ngeempelaveki ndincokola nabantu abafana nam ababesiba namava afanayo. Ukuba nenkqubo yenkxaso kwi-Intanethi bekupholile, kodwa bendingenawo umnqweno wokuhlala emva kwesikrini sekhompyuter kwaye ndiphile ubomi ngolo hlobo-into ebendiyinqwenela kakhulu kukuziva ndamkelekile kwihlabathi lokwenyani ngabahlobo bam bokwenyani.
Umbhali kunye nomhlobo.
Ukuphila nemfihlo enkulu yayindisinda, kwaye malunga neeveki ezimbini ngaphambi kokuba ndiqalise unyaka wam omtsha kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo, ndenze isigqibo sokuphuma ndiye kubahlobo bam be-IRL. I had hyped myself up kangangoba ndandiyazi ukuba kufuneka ndixelele umntu kungekudala okanye ndizobuya umva izinto azisoze zitshintshe. Bendifuna ukuxelela umhlobo wam osenyongweni, uCourtney, kuba bendicinga ukuba ndinolona khuseleko ngokuzama ukumxelela, kodwa ebengekho enkampini. Ndathi ndisazama ukwenza isigqibo sokuba ndilinde nje ithutyana, ndabona omnye wabahlobo bam bokwenene, uShaneè, engena kwi-intanethi. Kwakungoku okanye akuzange kwenzeke.
Intliziyo yam yaqala ukubetha ngamandla, kodwa ndacofa igama lakhe ndaqalisa ukuthetha naye kakuhle, ngelo xesha izandla zam zazingcangcazela ngazo zonke izitshixo. Ndaqalisa incoko ndimbuza ngehlobo lakhe, nangona ndandingakhathali ncam. Ekuphela kwento endandiyicinga yayikukuba kwakufuneka ndiphume ngoku. Ekugqibeleni ndiye ndaqweba isibindi ndamxelela ukuba kukho isizathu sokuba ndimthumelele umyalezo kwaye kungenxa yokuba kufuneka ndimxelele imfihlo. Ndamxelela ukuba andimazi ukuba uziva njani ngam emva kokuba ndiyazi into emandimxelele yona. UShaneè wayemana endibuza ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni kwaye ndabhala ndi .... Wayemana endicela ukuba ndimcacisele, kodwa ndandinethemba lokuba uya kwenza kanye oko yazi imfihlo yam kwi-ellipses yodwa, ngoko ke andizukufuneka ndiyichwetheze.
Ekugqibeleni emva koko kwakubonakala ngathi ngonaphakade, ndabhala ukuba ndilifanasini ndaza ndayithumela. Ndaqala ukulila kwikhompyuter yam - ingxaki yokuba kwi-AIM yayikukuba andikwazanga ukufunda ubuso bukaShaneè kwangoko. Andizange ndikwazi ukuyiqhelanisa nendlela awayethetha ngayo njengokuba ndandiziqeqeshele ukwenza. Kodwa uShaneè wandiqinisekisa ukuba uya kusoloko esecaleni kwam yaye oko kwakungeyonto ibalulekileyo kuye. Ndiye ndahlala ke apho, ndisonwabile ukuba kukho umntu owazi eyona mfihlo yam. Njengoko incoko kunye noShaneè yatshintshela kwizinto ezidumileyo endandicinga ukuba zihle, ndaziva ngathi wayedibana nam okokuqala. Yaba sisiqabu esikhulu.
Kwiintsuku ezimbalwa kamva, ndaziva ndizithembile ngokwaneleyo kwincoko yam noShaneè ukuba ndiye kubahlobo bam abambalwa. Ndaqala ukuziva ndingathembeli kangako kwi-intanethi ukuba ndibe ndim. Umgca phakathi kwesiqu sam se-intanethi kunye nesiqu sam sokwenyani uye wafiphala kancinci, kwaye ekuqaleni yayivakala ilungile.
Kodwa ke ihlobo laphela kwaye usuku lokuqala lonyaka wam wokuqala kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo lwaqala.
Yaqala kakuhle-bendineqela lam labahlobo kunye nam, endandizityand’ igila kubo ndaza ndaphuma ngaphambili kwela hlobo. Ndikhumbula ndiseklasini ndisiva abanye besebeza kodwa andizange ndiyihoye kakhulu. Emva koko iqela lamantombazana leza kum laza, lithe cwaka, landixelela ukuba livile ukuba ndilisitabane. Ndothuke ndaphika ngokukhawuleza. Bayazi njani ukuba ndiphumile ekubeni ngenene bendixelele abantu abambalwa? Ndabona ukuba nangona ndikhululekile kubahlobo bam abasenyongweni ndizazi ukuba ndili-gay, ndandingakhululekanga xa ndisazi isikolo sonke kwaye ukuphuma kwam kuyeyona ntsomi ishushu.
Ndaphinda ndaqala ukushwabana, ndingazazi nokuba ndingubani nabani na ondibuzayo. Ekuhambeni konyaka wam omtsha, bendizivalele phantse wonke umntu. Andizange ndivakalelwe kukuba ndinabo nabuphi na ubuhlobo obuqinileyo ngenxa yokuba omnye wabahlobo bam abasenyongweni wayendikhuphele esikolweni sonke. Umzuzu wenkululeko ndaziva ndixelela uShaneè ngehlobo kwaye ndaziva ndizisola kakhulu ngokuphuma.
Kwade kwaba sekupheleni konyaka, xa ndadibana neqela lamantombazana athandekayo amabanga amabini ngaphezulu kwam awayezibiza ngokuba Blob, ekugqibeleni ndaziva ndamkelekile kwaye ndikhuselekile. Kwimbono yokuqala, iBlob yayisoyikisa - amantombazana ayenxibe zonke ezimnyama ngeentlanzi kunye neebhulukhwe zobukhoboka. Mna, kwelinye icala, ndandiyi-emo ethethela phantsi ezamana nokuba ndingubani kanye kanye.
Umbhali kunye namalungu eBlob.
Kodwa ndathi ndakuqhelana nala mantombazana, ndasibona isizathu sokuba kube lula ukunxulumana nawo. Babesazi ukuba kunjani ukubajonga umntu aze abagwebe ngoko nangoko. Babekuqonda ukuba kwakunjani ngabanye abantu ukwenza iingcamango ezingalawulekiyo ngabo nangobuntu babo. Ukanti, ngokungafaniyo nabanye abantu, amantombazana andamkela njengoko ndinjalo aza andifundisa indlela yokwamkeleka.
I-Blob kunye nam siya kuba ne-sleepovers kwaye sihambe kunye, kodwa inkumbulo enye ehlala ibalasele kum ngunyaka wam wesibini xa amantombazana andithatha kwi-Pride yam yokuqala. Ndakhulela kwidolophu encinci ebizwa ngokuba yiSumter eSouth Carolina kwaye yayiyiyure ukusuka kwikomkhulu laseColumbia, apho kubanjwa khona umnyhadala we-Pride wonyaka.
Hayi ukujola nam kodwa ndisakhula ibingekho inyanga yeQhayiya. Iqhayiya libhekiselele kowona mngcelele owenzeke ngosuku nje olunye enyakeni kwezinye izixeko ezifafazwe kulo lonke elase-US. Ndikhumbula ndingena emotweni egcwele iBlob, kunye namalungu osapho olwandisiweyo lweBlob, sasinga eColumbia. Ndikwifestile yemoto, ndikhumbula ndibona yonke iparade idada kunye noluntu oludlamkileyo ebendinqwenela ukuba yinxalenye yalo. Emva kwayo yonke le minyaka yokuzifihla emva kwesikrini sekhompyutheni kunye nokuthetha nabantu kwi-intanethi, ndandingqongwe ngabantu abathandana nabo ngakumbi kunokuba ndandibona kwindawo enye ngaphambili. Wonke umntu wayebonakala ezithembile kwaye enelunda. Yayiyonwabile kwaye i-surreal kwaye lelinye lawona maxesha amnandi kakhulu kwiminyaka yam yokukhula. Ngelixa ndandilapho, ndikhumbula ngokwenene ndifuna ukubambelela kumzuzu kunye neemvakalelo ukuze ndiphinde ndibabone kwakhona ngonaphakade, kwaye nanamhlanje, ndisayenza.
Ukuba nenkqubo eqinileyo yenkxaso kwandivumela ukuba ndizamkele kwaye ndime ngokuqinileyo kwinto endiyiyo. Ukuphuma ngaphandle kwanika indawo encinane yokuba nabani na athethe nantoni na kuba amazwi abo ayengasenabunzima. Ukuphuma akusoloko kulula kwaye amava omntu wonke akasoloko efana, kodwa ukufumana isizwe sam, kunye nokuba ngubani endinaye, kwandinceda ukuba ndikhule ndibe ngumntu endinguye namhlanje.
Ukuba ukonwabele ukufunda esi sincoko sobuqu, kuya kufuneka ujonge isincoko sikaMoriba Cummings ekwamkeleni ilifa lakhe leCaribbean.
Okungakumbi okuvela kwi-In The Know:
INkosana kunye nenguquko yoBudoda obuMnyama
Uyenza njani ikomityi yekofu yaseCuba etyebileyo kunye neswiti
I-Band-Aid isungula umgca wayo wokuqala ohlukeneyo weebhanti kwiminyaka eyi-100 ye-brand
I-Nordstrom isungula ingqokelela yokuqala ebandakanya isini
