Ehlabathini elifanelekileyo, wonke umntu uya kuba mnandi, abe mnandi kwaye agodole njengomhlobo wakho osenyongweni ukusukela kwibanga lesihlanu. Enyanisweni, ubomi bakho bugcwele zonke iintlobo zobuntu ezinzima, ukusuka kumntu osebenza naye onetyhefu oqhubeka esitya isidlo sakho sasemini ukuya kumamazala wakho ocinga ukuba abazukulwana bakhe bayimpahla yakhe. Nazi iindlela ezingama-30 (ezinempilo) zokujongana naye wonke umntu onzima ebomini bakho.
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Amashumi amabini anamashumi amabini1. Fihla izilumkiso zabo kwifowuni yakho.
Ngaphandle kokuba umntu onzima ngumphathi wakho okanye ilungu losapho elisondeleyo, akukho bungozi ngokucofa iqhosha lezilumkiso ezisisimumu ukugcina iitekisi eziphazamisayo kunye neefowuni eziphazamisayo ekuphazamiseni usuku lwakho. Ukuba ibha yesaladi iphelelwe yiminquma kwaye udadewenu une-panic attack, akukho sizathu sokuba iphazamise intlanganiso yakho yomsebenzi.
2. Thatha umoya onzulu.
Xa uphakathi kwendawo yedabi, unokuzifumana uxinezelekile kwaye ufaka ngaphakathi kwimeko yoxinzelelo. Nokuba imizuzwana embalwa yokuphefumla nzulu inokunceda ukuzola umlo wakho okanye impendulo yokubhabha. Isikolo sezonyango saseHarvard icebisa ukubaleka ukuya kwigumbi elizolileyo (hey, igumbi lokuhlambela liya kusebenza kwipinki), emva koko uphefumle kancinci ngeempumlo zakho, uvumela isifuba sakho kunye nesisu esisezantsi siphakame. Emva koko, phefumlela kancinci ngomlomo wakho. Phinda umzuzu, emva koko uzolile ubuyele kwincoko.
3. Musa ukulindela ukuba batshintshe.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, iya kuba yinto entle ukuba umhlobo wakho owaphukelwa nguloliwe osuka kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo ngequbuliso waqonda ukuba ubezicingela yedwa kwaye engenambeko kule minyaka ilishumi idlulileyo. Kodwa amathuba okuba, ngaphandle kokuba bane-epiphany enzulu okanye bangene kunyango oluqatha, izinto ziya kuhlala zifana kanye. Lindela ukuba abe yiyure emva kwexesha-kwaye endaweni yokucofa iinzwane zakho kwaye ujonge iwotshi yakho, thatha ixesha lakho elimnandi ukuya apho kwaye uze nencwadi entle ukuze ulahleke.
4. Zama indlela yelitye elingwevu.
Lo ulungile ngakumbi kwii-narcissists kunye nezinye iintlobo ezinetyhefu. Ngamafutshane, wenza konke okusemandleni akho ukuba usebenze njengento ekruqulayo, engathandekiyo kwaye ungabandakanyeki kangangoko (nokuba ude unxibe iimpahla ezirhabaxa). Ekugqibeleni, baya kuba nomdla kwaye baqhubele phambili.
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Amashumi amabini anamashumi amabini5. Phulaphula.
Ngaba unguye okanye awukho ngokwenene ukumamela kukuwe. Kodwa amaxesha amaninzi, abantu abanzima bafuna nje umntu abakhalazela kuye, hayi isisombululo sokwenyani.
6. Cwangcisa utyelelo olufutshane.
Kwiinyanga ezintandathu, uMakazi wakho Omkhulu uMildred akasayi kukhumbula ukuba uchithe imini yonke kunye naye, okanye unesidlo sasemini semizuzu engama-45 endlwini yakhe. Hlala ukho ngelixa ukunye naye, kodwa likhusele lonke ixesha lakho kangangoko kunokwenzeka.
Amashumi amabini anamashumi amabini9. Khangela ngaphakathi kuwe.
Rhoqo (seta ialam ukuba ufuna njalo), thatha imizuzwana embalwa ukushiya indawo enetyhefu kwaye ujonge ngaphakathi. Uziva njani? Ngaba kufuneka uphefumlele phezulu? Ngaba ikho enye into onokuyenza ukugcina umgama osempilweni phakathi kwakho nomntu onzima? Nokuba imizuzwana embalwa entloko yakho ingakunceda.
7. Ungahambelani nenqanaba labo lokuqina.
Xa umntu onobunzima ephakamisa ilizwi lakhe, kunokuhenda ukuba umngxolisa kwakhona ... kwaye ngaphambi kokuba uyazi, uphakathi kumdlalo wokukhwaza. Endaweni yoko, zigcine uzolile kwaye wenze konke okusemandleni akho ukuba ungasabeli.
8. Thatha inyathelo elibuyela umva.
Abantu abanzima bayathanda ukwenza iingxaki zabo zibe ziingxaki zakho, kwaye bakwenza uzame ukuziva unoxanduva. Chaza ngokucacileyo kwaye uzikhumbuze ukuba yintoni inkxalabo yakho kwaye yintoni ngokwenene inkxalabo yomntu onobuthi, kungakhathaliseki ukuba bathini kuwe, icebisa isazi sengqondo seklinikhi uDamon Ashworth.
10. Gcina ingqalelo kwizisombululo.
Imibhobho yomamazala wakho ingumkhenkce, uphahla lwakhe lugqunywe ngumkhenkce kwaye ufuna indlela yakhe yokuqhuba ihlatywe yonke. Uyakwazi ukuyenza ngokwakhe, kodwa ungathanda ukuchitha imini yonke ekhalaza kuwe ngayo. Endaweni yoko, bambelela kwinto eyakhayo (ngaphandle kokumcombulula ngokwenene naziphi na iingxaki)—mnike inombolo yomntu osebenza ngemibhobho yamanzi, mkhuphele umhlakulo egaraji kwaye umxhobise ukuba alungise lo mcimbi ngokwakhe.
11. Yiba nempendulo yesitokhwe kwiingcebiso ezingacelwanga.
Umhlobo wakho onetyhefu ucinga ukuba kufuneka ukhulise i-vegan yomntwana wakho, kwaye uyayiphakamisa ngokuqhubekayo rhoqo xa nikunye. Kunokuba uvumele incoko iqhubeke, yithi, usenokuba unyanisile, uze uyiyeke loo nto. Isebenza njengekhubalo.
25. Musa ukuthi uyaxolisa.
Okanye ubuncinci jonga ukuba uyithetha kangaphi na. Abantu abanzima banokuzama ukukugxeka ngezinto ezingelotyala lakho (okanye ukuba kunjalo zi iphoso lakho, basenokukugxeka ude uzive umbi kakhulu, nokuba aziyonyani kangako). Gwema umgibe wokuyilungisa le nto ngokuthi ndiyaxolisa amaxesha amaninzi, uBrown ucebisa. Ngamaxesha amaninzi, akukho nto unokucela uxolo ngayo.
12. Zivuze ngokuzikhathalela.
Uyazi ukuba yintoni ekhulula ngokukhawuleza uxinzelelo lokuhlala nomntu onetyhefu imini yonke? I-massage yeyure yonke. Ziphathe.
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Amashumi amabini anamashumi amabini13. Velela umntu omthembileyo.
Emva kokuchitha ixesha elide ujongene nomntu onzima, ngamanye amaxesha kunokuba nzima ukubuyela kwinyani. Ngaba yayiyiyo ngokwenene ukrwada kwaye engafanelekanga udadewenu ukuba acele ukuboleka imoto yakho iiveki ezimbini, okanye ngaba usuke wanochuku? Zityand’ igila kumntu ongakhethi buso (nonokuthenjwa) ukuze umncede alungise izinto.
14. Namathela izihloko ezingathathi hlangothi kunye nentetho encinci.
Ibuhlungu into yokuba awukwazi ukuxelela umzala wakho yonke loo mpelaveki uyichithe uthenga ilokhwe yomtshato, kodwa uyazi ukuba uza kuhleka xa usithi ukhethe igawuni yemermaid kwaye uchithe imizuzu engama-20 elandelayo uhlekisa ngayo. Sukuthetha nantoni na eya kubanika ithuba lokulahla izimvo zabo ezimbi kunye nezigwebo kuwe, ucebisa uGill Hasson, umbhali we Indlela Yokuhlangabezana Nabantu Abanobunzima . Ngoko xa ekubuza ukuba wenze ntoni kule mpelaveki, thetha ngento obuyibukele kumabonakude, okanye imozulu ebanda ngayo. Kuyadika, kodwa kuyasebenza.
15. Musa ukutyhila nantoni na yobuqu kakhulu.
Kubudlelwane obunempilo, kunokuba yinto ehlekisayo ukutyhila ukuba ixesha unxile kakhulu ekholejini kwaye waphela udanisa kwibar kwibra yakho. Kubudlelwane obuyityhefu, nangona kunjalo, i-S.O yakho. bangasebenzisa olu lwazi ngokuchasene nawe, ukuxelela abantu osebenza nabo, abazali kunye nabahlobo ngeenzame zokukuhlazisa. Gcina amakhadi akho kufutshane nesifuba sakho (kwaye ukuba uthandana nale jerk, phuma kubudlelwane, stat).
16. Gxininisani kwinto eniyithandayo nobabini.
Ngokubanzi, kukhuseleke ngakumbi ukuchitha isidlo sasemini sonke uthetha malunga nokuba nithanda kangakanani nobabini Idabi leenkwenkwezi . Hlala kwinto oyaziyo ukuba unokuthetha ngayo ngaphandle kokuxambulisana.
Amashumi amabini anamashumi amabini17. Nciphisa ukubandakanyeka kwakho kwi-imeyile kunye nemidiya yoluntu.
Ukuba umntu wakho onzima ungumlandeli wokukuthumelela ii-imeyile ezingama-25 ngo-3 ekuseni, ungaziva unyanzelekile ukuba uphendule namhlanje. Okanye kule veki. Yaphula ipateni yokutsiba xa bekucela ukuba utsibe. Okukhona balindele kancinci kuwe, kokukhona kungcono.
18. Fumana ingcambu yokuziphatha.
Ukuziphatha gwenxa komntakwenu ngakuwe kusenokungabi nanto yakwenza nendlela oqhuba ngayo ngeli xesha, kwaye yonke into yokwenza ngelo xesha abazali bakho bayakuvumela ukuba uye kwitheko lokuzalwa ngaphandle kwakhe xa wawuneminyaka emithandathu. Gcoba nzulu kwaye unokuqonda ukuba unobangela awunanto yakwenza nawe.
19 Ungabahoyi.
Khumbula, awukho kwithayimthebhile yabo, kwaye ukuba umntu onzima ufuna into kuwe, kuya kufuneka alinde de kube kukulungele. wena . Ukuba oku kuthetha ngokuthe ngqo-ukungahoyi iifowuni zabo ezisixhenxe eziphosiweyo, imiyalezo eyi-18 kunye nee-imeyile ezingama-25, makube njalo.
20. Ziphephe iinkanyamba ngokweemvakalelo.
Elizabeth B. Brown, umbhali we Ukuhlala ngokuPhumeleleyo nabantu abaNcinciweyo , yavelisa igama elithi inkanyamba ngokweemvakalelo, elisisikweko esimangalisayo sendlela avakalelwa ngayo xa ngequbuliso uphoswa iingxaki kuwe ngumntu onzima. Utyekelo, kubantu abaninzi, kukuzifaka kwimiba yomntu onzima. Kunoko, yenza konke okusemandleni akho ukuphulaphula ngaphandle kokugqabaza uze udlulele phambili.
Amashumi amabini anamashumi amabini21. Khetha amadabi akho.
Kulungile, umazi umalume wakho iminyaka engama-37. Uyazi ukuba uya kuzama ukuba ulwe naye ngezopolitiko ngexesha loMbulelo. Ukuxhotyiswa ngolu lwazi, kulula ukukhupha. Ziqhelanise nemotto echanekileyo ngasentla de kube ipayi yethanga ihanjiswe kwaye ufike ekhaya.
22. Ungavumelani nantoni na.
Uyaziqhenya ngokuba ulungile, uguquguquka kwaye uhlala, kodwa umntu onobuthi uya kuthatha ithuba lokuthanda kwakho okulungileyo. Ngaphambi kokuba uqhutywe ukwenza izinto ezilishumi elinambini kumntu onzima ezingakuncediyo konke konke, ziqhelanise nokuthi, kufuneka ndicinge ngayo ngaphambi kokuba uvume nantoni na. Oku kukunika isithuba kunye nexesha lokugqiba ukuba uyafuna ngokwenene ufuna ukunceda umzala wakho ngeshishini lakhe lempahla, okanye ukuba kusempilweni kuwe ukuba uhambe.
23. Jonga ihlabathi ngamehlo abo (umzuzwana nje).
Xa uzifumana uziva ukhathazekile xa ujongana nomntu onetyhefu, thatha inyathelo emva kwaye ucinge malunga nokuba ubomi bube njani kubo. Ukuba ufumana lo mntu kunzima, amathuba amaninzi abanye abantu benza njalo. Yiba novelwano ukuba umhlobo wakho akanalo oku kuzazi, kwaye uzive unombulelo ngokuba awukho kwisikhephe esifanayo.
Amashumi amabini anamashumi amabiniXa umntu onobunzima ekubona wonwabile, unokwenza konke anako ukuyiphelisa. Ukuba udadewabo womyeni wakho unomona ngendlu yakho entsha, unokubonisa ngokufihlakeleyo yonke into engalunganga kuyo ngenjongo yokukwenza uzive umbi. Ngethamsanqa, ngokukaBrown, ulonwabo lobuqu kwaye lufanelekile ukukhuselwa. Ukuba ulonwabo lwethu kunye nokuba sempilweni kwethu kusekwe kulindelo lwabo lokutshintsha, sibanike iintambo kubomi bethu. Xa wonwabile, akukho nto yena-okanye nabani na ongomnye-kufuneka akwazi ukuyenza ukuyishukumisa.
26. Musa ukwenza uxinzelelo lwabo lube luxinzelelo lwakho.
Madoda, le nto ibalulekile. Xa umhlobo wakho ekhalaza ukuba akukho nto isebenzayo ebomini bakhe, kwaye uyawuthiya umsebenzi wakhe kwaye ubomi bakhe bubuhlungu (njengoko esenza yonke ixesha umbona ngalo i-brunch), ungazami ukumcombulula iingxaki zakhe, ucebisa uRick Kirschner noRick Brinkman, ababhali bencwadi. Ukujongana nabantu ongenakukwazi ukuma . Isisombululo esingcono? Yiba novelwano ngabaWhiners abalusizi ababomi babo bubonakala bungaphaya kwamandla abo. Kuphela kwento onokuyilawula ngokwenene kule meko, emva kwayo yonke loo nto.
Amashumi amabini anamashumi amabini27. Jonga ulwimi lwakho lomzimba.
Ukuba uchitha ixesha elide kunye nomntu onetyhefu, jonga rhoqo kwaye ujonge umzimba wakho. Ngaba izandla zakho zisemanqindini? Ngaba intamo yakho iqinile? Ngaba uphefumlela phezulu? Hlala kwindawo engathathi hlangothi, thatha umoya onzulu ukuze ukhuphe uxinzelelo emzimbeni wakho kwaye uzame ukuhlala uzolile kangangoko kunokwenzeka kulo lonke unxibelelwano.
28. Lithembe ithuku lakho.
Ukuba umakazi wakho omangalisayo ukuxelela ukuba umzala wakho uvutha kuwe ngenxa yokungayi emtshatweni wakhe, kunokwenzeka ukuba uthetha inyani. Nangona kunjalo, kunjalo kunokwenzeka ukuba umakazi wakho ukuxhokonxa ingxaki, njengoko esenza rhoqo, kwaye akukho mvakalelo inzima ivela kumzala wakho. Endaweni yokungena kwibali lika-anti wakho, thatha inyathelo emva kwaye ukhumbule irekhodi lakhe lomkhondo ngezi ntlobo zongquzulwano.
29. Zibambe emqolo.
Phew . Uyenzile. Ufumene unxibelelwano olukhohlisayo nomntu onzima. Zinike uzuko ngokuphumelela kuyo, ucebisa isazi ngengqondo uBarbara Markway . ' Kuthatha amandla amaninzi ukuba ungenzi njengejerk xa omnye umntu eziphatha kakubi,' utsho. 'Musa ukutsiba eli nyathelo!'
30 Ukuba konke okunye akuphumeleli, zikhuphe ebomini bakho.
Ngamanye amaxesha, umntu onetyhefu uchaphazela ubomi bakho kakhulu, ukhetho lwakho kuphela kukuba ubasuse ngokupheleleyo ebomini bakho. Ekugqibeleni, kufuneka uzinakekele kuqala, kwaye ukuba umntu onzima akakwazi ukungena kuloo mlinganiso, ubudlelwane obunempilo abuyi kuba nako. Ngokukhawuleza uvumela ukuba bahambe, ngokukhawuleza unokugxila ekufundeni, ekukhuleni nasekufumaneni ubudlelwane obuphilileyo-kwaye sinethemba lokuba, umhlobo wakho onzima uya kukwazi ukuqhubela phambili, naye.
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