Mna no ex wam sahlukana kwiminyaka emithathu eyadlulayo. Wayengafumaneki ngokuqhubekayo ngenxa yeemfuno zomsebenzi wakhe ngelo xesha, kwaye ndandidiniwe kukumlinda. Nangona bendinamakhwenkwe ambalwa ukusukela oko, siyaqhubeka nokubambana rhoqo, kwaye emva kokuphela kobudlelwane bam obunetyhefu yamva nje, sagqibela ngokufumana iziselo, ukuhlala kude kube sebusuku kwaye silala kunye. Kwaye kwakukuhle kakhulu; yonke into endiyikhumbulayo, kodwa ngcono. Ngoku besidibana-kwaye silala kunye-kaninzi ngeveki kwiinyanga ezimbalwa. Bendisoloko ndichasene nokubuyelana nomntu owayesakuba, ndikholelwa ukuba kufuneka uhambe phambili ebomini—nto leyo ayaziyo. Kodwa i-spark isekhona. Ngaba kufuneka ndicinge ngokwaphula umthetho wam, okanye ndiyaphambana ngokuwuqwalasela ?
Ewe, ndicinga ukuba kufuneka nicinge ngokubuyelana; kunqabile ukuba kubekho iintlantsi emva kokwahlukana (ingakumbi emva kweminyaka emithathu enesiqingatha!). Oko kuthethiweyo, ndifuna ukuba uzibuze imibuzo enzima kwaye usondele kwi-ex yakho ngengcinga eninzi enononophelo kunye nolwazelelelo.
Okokuqala, uthe uphumile kubudlelwane obuyityhefu, enokuba ngamava aphazamisayo. Amaxesha amaninzi, xa sisentlungwini, asenzi ezona zigqibo zicacileyo kwaye ngokwenene sibuyela kwinto eziva ithambile kwaye ikhuselekile. Ngoko ke kufuneka uzibuze ukuba i-ex yakho yi-cushion okanye ingaba liqabane lokwenene liqhubela phambili. (Ewe, kufuneka uhlale usiya phambili; ngelo xesha, unjalo, ulungile.)
Ngaba ulukhetho oludala okanye ukhetho olutsha?
Mhlawumbi owakho wangaphambili uziva ekhululekile, eyi-Band-Aid eqhelekileyo. Ngokucacileyo uye waba yinto ebomini bakho ixesha elide (nangona isemva)-ingakumbi ngobudlelwane obubi-kwaye oko kunokumenza azive ngathi ubukho bendoda obuzinzileyo kwezinye zezona zihlandlo zakho ezisengozini. Kukwalula ngendlela emangalisayo ukuphinda ubuyele kwizinto zakudala, uphenjelelwa kukurhalela okanye utywala, xa ulahlekelwe bubuqabane.
Ngaloo ndlela, umnqweno womzimba okanye i-chemistry yesondo akufanele ibe sisiseko sesi sigqibo. Isiseko saso nasiphi na isigqibo sokubuyelana kufuneka sibe kukuba nobabini nikwindawo entsha ebomini benu, nigcine ubuhlobo obuqinileyo. kwaye babe chemistry engenakuphikiswa. Umqathango omtsha, kwaye utshintshile, kukuba owakwakho ngoku unokuxhasa ubudlelwane obuzibophelele ngokupheleleyo.
Zibuze enoba usengulowo ungowasetyenzwa kude kusini na okanye uye wakhulula ucwangciso lwakhe ngeenjongo zokuzakhela ubuhlobo bexesha elide. Ngaba ungaqala ubudlelwane obutsha, obahlukileyo ukuba nibuyelane? Abantu banokukhula, batshintshe kwaye bafune ukuzinza, ngendlela efanayo naleyo batyhubela ngayo ixesha lobomi elenza kube lucelomngeni. Ukuba utshintshe indlela acinga ngayo, usenokufanelekela enye inkangeleko.
Usamthanda?
Ndiyazi ukuba uthe awukholelwa ekubuyeleni kunye ne-ex. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha siye sithethe ngeenkolelo ezithile kuba sifuna ukuzikholelwa. Mhlawumbi awuzange ufune ukubuyela kunye ne-ex yakho, ngoko uzenzele umthetho wokugcina loo mda kunye naye. Umxelele loo mthetho ngenxa yokuba awukakulungeli (okanye ubusazi ukuba akakakulungeli) ukuba kunye, kwaye ufuna ukuyenza icace loo nto.
Ixesha lokususa loo mda kuba, ngeendlela ezininzi, sele unayo ngokulala kunye. Ngaba i-ex yakho ngumntu obusoloko umthanda okanye akazange ayeke ukuthanda? Ngaba ungumntu apho uye wajonga emva kubudlelwane kunye nokucinga, Ukuba kuphela ...? Ngaba uye wahlukana kungekhona ngenxa yokuswela uthando kodwa ngenxa yokuba ubusazi ukuba ubudlelwane abusebenzi ngelo xesha?
Ukuba oku kunjalo, ungasondela ex yakho kunye sesichengeni; kufuneka umxelele ezi zinto kwaye uphakamise ngokucacileyo umda ukuba awusoze uphinde ubuye kunye ne-ex (ngokufanelekileyo, kuye). Ungamxelela inkxalabo yakho malunga nokuphinda ixesha elidlulileyo kwaye ufumanise oko akufundileyo ekwahlukaneni kwenu nokuba angavuma na ukuzama kwakhona kwinqanaba elitsha lobomi.
Njengawe, andithandi ukuba sibuyelane nomntu owayesakuba mdala—ngaphantsi konyaka. Kuthatha ixesha elide ukuba abantu batshintshe okanye iimeko zitshintshe. Kuthatha umgama wokwenyani ukuba umbono ukhule phakathi kwabantu ababini, apho banokubona ukuba kutheni bengafanelanga okanye, ngamanye amaxesha, bekutheni.
Uninzi lwethu luya kuba nobudlelwane obuninzi ebomini bethu. Kwiminqwazi esizama ngayo, ezinye ziya kungena ngcono kunezinye. Ukuba umnqwazi wokuqala okanye wesibini ozama ngawo yeyona nto ifanelekileyo, usenokungayiqondi de ube uzame iminqwazi emithathu okanye emine ngaphezulu.
Ukuba nobabini nitshintshile, nikhulile kwaye nikhule ningamaqabane angcono omnye komnye, akukho sizathu sokuba ungaphinde ubuyele kubudlelwane nomntu obesamthanda, owabelana naye ngexabiso elifanayo, ube nobuhlobo kwaye ube nekhemistri ephambeneyo. Ukusuka POV yam, ubungayi kuba crazy ngokuqwalasela uxolelwaniso ex yakho; ungaphambana ukuvuthela udlule umbono ngaphandle kokuwuqwalasela.
Yiba neencoko ezineziqhamo. Qinisekisa ukuba ngaphezu kwesondo. Kodwa ungavumeli ithuba elihle lidlule kuwe ngenxa yomgaqo osileyo. Yaphula umthetho ukuba kububulumko ukwenza njalo . Kule meko, kuya kuba njalo.
UJenna Birch yintatheli kunye nombhali we Umsantsa wothando: Isicwangciso esiQhelekileyo sokuPhumelela ebomini naseLuthandweni , isikhokelo sokwakha ubudlelwane kubafazi banamhlanje. Ukumbuza umbuzo, anokuthi awuphendule kwikholamu ezayo kaPampereDpeopleny, mthumelele i-imeyile apha jen.birch@sbcglobal.net .
