Wamkelekile ‘Phakathi kwamaPhepha,’ ungcelele olutsha apho siphendula imibuzo ephathelele isini, ubudlelwane kunye nokufumana ulonwabo ngaphakathi nangaphandle kothando. Unombuzo otshisayo? Yithumele ku editor@purewow.com .
Mna nomyeni womhlobo wam osenyongweni sinezinto ezininzi esifana ngazo. Siyawathanda amabhendi afanayo angacacanga, sithumele imiyalezo rhoqo kwaye kutshanje sibambe ikonsathi yodwa. Umyeni wam wenze amagqabantshintshi ambalwa malunga nendlela esisondela ngayo. Ngaba kukho into engalunganga endiyenzayo?
Le nto uyichazayo apha ivakala ngathi inokuba kukucotha umgca wokukopela kancinci. Ukuhlaziya okukhawulezileyo: Ukukopela okuncinci kubandakanya oko kungazicingeli kuncinci okunokuthi kupheliswe njengobubudenge nje, ukuncwasa okuziimeko-njengokucela ingqalelo kumfana ngelixa uphumile nabahlobo, okanye ukunxulumana ngokweemvakalelo nomntu ongeloqabane lakho.
Masicace: Ukuba nobuhlobo namalungu esini zombini kunempilo kwaye kunengqiqo, ngakumbi ukuba nabelana ngezinto ezifanayo okanye uphonswa kunye nabantu obathandayo (njengomhlobo wakho osenyongweni). Kodwa indlela obu bubuhlobo ngayo bunento yokwenza neenjongo zakho kunye nohlobo lweemvakalelo zakho.
Zithini kanye iinjongo zakho ngalo mfo?
So ufuna ukuchitha ixesha nomyeni wetshomi yakho kuba ninezinto enifana ngazo. Kulungile, ndikwi-100 pesenti ebhodini. Kodwa ukuba ufuna ukuchitha ixesha kunye naye ngenxa yokuba uphantsi kokuphuhlisa iimvakalelo zothando kumfana, yiloo nto hayi KULUNGILE. Uyawubona umahluko? Yaye ukuba usebenzisa ixesha kunye naye njengesixhobo sokufihla iingxaki emtshatweni wakho okanye ukuzalisa intswelo ongayifumaniyo kwiqabane othandana nalo ngoku—hayi, ngokuqinisekileyo ayilunganga.
Ke ngaphambi kokuba uqhubele phambili, kuya kufuneka uzibuze ukuba ubusukela ubuhlobo kanye ngale ndlela: abantu ababini abanezinto ezifanayo kwaye bafuna ukuba ngabahlobo ngenxa yoko.
Ukuba iinjongo zakho zilungile, lixesha lokubeka imida ethile.
Uqinisekile ukuba ningabahlobo nje. Intle kakhulu. Ngoku, imida ifanele igcinwe ngenxa yokuhlonela umyeni nomhlobo wakho.
- Awunamzimba okanye awuthandani ngokugqithiseleyo nomyeni womhlobo wakho ngeendlela ezinokwenza abanye bangonwabi okanye baphakamise ishiya.
- Aninxibelelani rhoqo ngetekisi kunye ne-IM-yithi, ngakumbi kunokuba unjalo nomhlobo wakho osenyongweni okanye iqabane lakho.
- Awunakwabelana ngezikhalazo nomyeni womhlobo wakho malunga neqabane lakho, okanye umvumele ukuba abelane nawe ngezikhalazo malunga nomfazi wakhe.
- Anincwasanga omnye nomnye ngomlomo, ngetekisi okanye ngokobuqu.
Ngaba ngokwenene umyeni wakho kufuneka akhathazeke?
Iimvakalelo zomyeni wakho ngobu buhlobo bukhulayo zibalulekile. Nangona umbuzo wakho ungatsho ukuba ngaba ukhe wancwasa nawuphi na kule migca ingasentla, kufuneka uzibuze ukuba umyeni wakho ngokwenene Unento yokukhathazeka ngayo. Oko kuthatha inene, ukunyaniseka kwamathumbu ukukhangela kuwe. Akulula ukuvuma ukuba sele uza kuwela umgca-ndiye ndadibana nabasetyhini abaninzi abaye bawasusa amagqabantshintshi kwangethuba ngomntu abasondela kuye, kwaye ayizange iphele kakuhle.
Asinguye wonke umntu ofuna (okanye ocinga ukuba banako) ukuba kumtshato womntu omnye, yiyo loo nto ezisesikweni non-monogamy iyanda. Kodwa ukuba uyafuna yenza ufuna umtshato womntu omnye, kufuna umsebenzi. Lumka kwaye ubeke imida kubantu obafumana benomtsalane kwaye unezinto ezifanayo nabo. Ukuba uphalaza ukusondelana ngokweemvakalelo ekutsalelekeni, kufana nokulayita imatshisi phezu kwepetroli—ungothuki xa izinto ziqhuma.
NguJenna Birch umqeqeshi wokuthandana , intatheli kunye nombhali we Umsantsa wothando: Isicwangciso esiQhelekileyo sokuPhumelela ebomini naseLuthandweni .
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