Kwisibini esigqibeleleyo esibanga ukuba ubudlelwane babo bulula, siphikisa: ubuxoki! Bonke ubuxoki! Ubudlelwane buthatha umsebenzi. Kwabanye, loo mzamo unokuza ngokwendalo ngakumbi, uwenze kubonakala lula. Kodwa kuninzi lwethu, umdlalo wokugcina ulonwabo kumanyano lwexesha elide awuyonto ilula, yiyo loo nto kule minyaka ilishumi idlulileyo iPampereDpeopleny (ewe, yi-anni yethu yeminyaka elishumi!), Besigubungela uncedo iingcebiso zomtshato kuzo zonke iingcali kunye namava obomi bokwenyani sinokufumana izandla zethu. Nanga amacebiso amahlanu aye agcina imitshato yethu iphila kule minyaka ilishumi idlulileyo.
1. Ziqhelise u-5:1 umlinganiselo
Kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukulwa. Kodwa kunjalo Njani ulwa oko kuya kugqiba ukuba ubudlelwane bakho butshabalele okanye bomelele ngokwaneleyo ukuba buhlale. Ngokophononongo lwe Gottman Institute , eyona nto inyanzelisayo ukuba ngaba izibini ziza kuhlala kunye ngumlinganiselo wezinto ezintle kunye nezimbi. Le yile 5:1 umlinganiselo —kuba ngalo lonke ixesha usithi umyeni wakho akabafundeli ngokwaneleyo abantwana, unikela nangentlanu (okanye ngaphezulu) intsebenziswano eyakhayo. Ezo zisenokuba kukuncamisa, ukuncoma, ukuqhula, umzuzwana wokuphulaphula ngabom, umqondiso wovelwano njalo njalo.
Uyenza njani ngokusebenza: Kuvakala budenge, kodwa xa ungumdlali weqonga kumdlalo wokulwa, zama ukubala. Unokusebenzisa iminwe yakho ukugcina umkhondo. Akukho mfuneko yokuyifihla kwiqabane lakho-kufuneka babale nabo.
2. Funda ulwimi lwakho lothando
Kwincwadi yakhe Iilwimi ezi-5 zothando , Umcebisi ngemitshato kunye nombhali uGary Chapman uxoxa ukuba wonke umntu unxibelelana ngothando ngenye yeendlela ezintlanu-amagama esiqinisekiso, izenzo zenkonzo, ukufumana izipho, ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye nokubamba umzimba. (Abanye bade baphikisane ukuba kukho ulwimi lwesithandathu lothando: imidiya yoluntu.) Ukuqonda indlela iqabane ngalinye elinxibelelana ngayo uthando kunye nokufumana uthando kuya kuvula iingcango zobudlelwane obusondeleyo kunye nokusondelana.
Uyenza njani ngokusebenza: Ngaba awulazi ulwimi lwakho lothando? Thatha le mibuzo ukuze ufumane! (Kwaye ke uthumele ikhonkco kwiqabane lakho.)
3. Thetha malunga nokwabelana ngesondo
Ekuqaleni, wawuphila ngamazwi isimboli ngokwesondo ngokwakhe, Elvis: Incoko encinane encinane, intshukumo encinane ngakumbi, nceda. Kodwa ukuba ukuyo ixesha elide-sithetha iminyaka, umntwana-ukuzenzela, umtsalane kunye nomnqweno we-wax kunye nokuncipha. Kulapho ukucaca malunga neemfuno zakho kunye nezinto ozifunayo kubaluleke kakhulu. Vula imizila yonxibelelwano ngesondo. Thetha malunga nento oyifunayo kwaye umamele iimfuno zeqabane lakho. Isenokude yehle ekuyibhaleni ngepensile. Nokuba sisemathandweni kwaye sitsalelekile kumaqabane ethu, ukugaya kwethu imihla ngemihla kunokudinwa. Imvume inikiwe yokubeka usuku lokwabelana ngesondo kuGoogle Cal. Psst: Ukuba usebenza ekhaya, akukho mntu uthe a isondo encinane imini ibingaphandle kombuzo...
Uyenza njani ngokusebenza: Ingcaphephe yobudlelwane UJenna Birch uyasikhokela ngendlela yokuyithetha. Umzekelo: Ukuba ungathanda ukulala ngesondo kathathu ngeveki, kodwa iqabane lakho likhetha kanye ngeveki, ngoko kufuneka ujolise kumhlaba ophakathi. Kwaye kuya kufuneka usebenzele kweli nani, ke thetha malunga nokuba yintoni eyakwenza ukuba ubelane ngesondo kabini ngeveki.
4. Chitha ixesha elisemgangathweni… ngokuhlukana
Umtshato omde okanye ubudlelwane ngokwemvelo buthetha ukuba niza kuchitha ii-QT ezininzi kunye. Kodwa inye into eyenziwa ngabantu kubudlelwane abonwabileyo veki nganye? Bahlukana. Ixesha lokwahluka linika umntu ngamnye kubudlelwane indlela engcono yokuziva enguye kunye nesazisi esinamacala amathathu akhoyo ngaphandle kobudlelwane. Oku kukunika inzaliseko, ngokuchaseneyo de-selfing , enokonakalisa ubudlelwane ngokuthe ngcembe. Ukungabikho ngokwenene kwenza intliziyo ikhule.
Uyenza njani ngokusebenza: Yeka ukwenza ukuthanda izinto ezithandwa liqabane lakho. Ubhala owayesakuba ngumhleli wePampereDpeopleny uGrace Hunt: Ixesha lasimahla lingcwele-kwaye alikwenzi ube yinxalenye ebuthathaka ukuba ungabelani ngalo….Kangangeminyaka, siye sanyamezelana amaxesha okuzilibazisa aphantsi ngokucinga ukuba singaba ngababini abancinci ukuba asikwazanga 't. Kodwa ngoku, sigqibe kwelokuba sizikhuphe kwimisebenzi yabanye. Kwaye ukholelwa ngcono ukuba sithwele izikhephe ngakumbi kuyo. Ewe, qwalasela le mvume yokuyeka ukuzenza ngathi uyakonwabela ukubukela ibhola.
5. Cela uxolo ngendlela efanelekileyo
Ndiyaxolisa ukuba uziva njalo. Ndiyaxolisa ukuba kwenzeke. Uxolo, kodwa uqalile. Ivakala iqhelekile? Ezi ziingxelo zobuxoki—iingxelo zokutyholwa zifihlwe njengokucela uxolo. Sonke sinetyala kubo kuba kunzima njengesihogo ukwamkela ubunini phezu kokuziphatha kwethu okwenzakalisayo umntu esimthandayo. Kodwa ukucela uxolo ngendlela engafanelekanga akuyi kuluphelisa ulwalamano lwenu. Endaweni yoko, amanxeba owashiyayo ekhula aya kuphinda abuyele ekukuhlaseleni ekuhambeni kwexesha.
Uyenza njani ngokusebenza: Landela la manyathelo mathathu okucela uxolo ngendlela ephilisayo neyakhayo:
1. Yazisa indlela isenzo sakho esimchaphazele ngayo omnye umntu
2. Yithi uxolo
3. Chaza into oza kuyenza ukuyilungisa okanye uqinisekise ukuba ayiphindi yenzeke. Musa ukuzithethelela okanye uchaze.
