Yintoni Ukukhanyisa Ngegesi?
Nangona ingathatha iindlela ezininzi ezahlukeneyo, eyona nto iphambili, ukukhanya kwegesi yindlela yonxibelelwano apho umntu ekwenza ubuze eyakho inguqulelo yeziganeko ezidlulileyo. Amaxesha amaninzi, yenzelwe ukwenza ukuba uzive ngathi uphulukana nokubamba ubunyani. Ngeendlela zayo ezithambileyo, ukukhanya kwegesi kudala amandla angalinganiyo aguquguqukayo kubudlelwane kwaye eyona nto imbi kakhulu, ukukhanyisa igesi kunokuthathwa njengohlobo lolawulo lwengqondo kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokwasengqondweni.
Eli binzana lisuka kwi-1938 mystery thriller, Isibane segesi, ibhalwe ngumbhali wemidlalo waseBritani uPatrick Hamilton. Umdlalo kamva wenziwa umboniso bhanyabhanya owaziwayo no-Ingrid Bergman noCharles Boyer. Kwifilimu, umyeni uGregory ukhohlisa umfazi wakhe othandekayo uPaula ukuba akholelwe ukuba akasenakuthembela kwiimbono zakhe zokwenyani.
Ngokutsho kwe Umnxeba woNcedo lweSizwe loBundlobongela baseKhaya , zintlanu iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokulayita igesi:
- Uhlala uzicingela okwesibini.
- Uyazibuza, ‘Ngaba ndibuthathaka kakhulu? amaxesha aneshumi elinesibini ngosuku.
- Uhlala uziva ubhidekile kwaye uphambene.
- Uhlala ucela uxolo kumama wakho, utata, iqabane, umphathi.
- Awunakusiqonda isizathu sokuba, ngezinto ezininzi ezibonakala zilungile ebomini bakho, awonwabanga ngakumbi.
- Uhlala wenze izizathu zokuziphatha kweqabane lakho kubahlobo kunye nosapho.
- Uzifumana ubamba ulwazi kubahlobo nakusapho, ngoko akufuneki uchaze okanye wenze izizathu.
- Uyazi ukuba kukho into engalunganga kakhulu, kodwa awunakuze uchaze ukuba yintoni na, nakuwe ngokwakho.
- Uqalisa ukuxoka ukuze uphephe i- put downs and reality twists.
- Unengxaki yokwenza izigqibo ezilula.
- Unengqiqo yokuba ngaphambili ungumntu owahluke kakhulu—ukuzithemba ngakumbi, ukuthanda ulonwabo, ukukhululeka ngakumbi.
- Uziva ungenathemba kwaye ungonwabanga.
- Uziva ngathi akukho nto unokuyenza ngokufanelekileyo.
- Uyazibuza ukuba ngaba 'ulungile ngokwaneleyo' iqabane/umfazi/umsebenzi/umhlobo/intombi.
Zeziphi ezinye iimpawu iqabane lakho elikukhanyise ngegesi?
Njengogqirha wengqondo kunye nombhali uRobin Stern, Ph.D. ubhala ngaphakathi Psychology Namhlanje , zininzi iimpawu ezilumkisayo ezi yenzekayo kubudlelwane bakho. Ezi ziquka:
Ungayibona njani iGaslighting kubudlelwane?
Esinye isalathiso sokuqala sokuba ubudlelwane bunokusingise ekukhanyeni kwegesi kukwenzeka kwebhombu yothando-kwaye kunokubonakala kufana nenqanaba lehoneymoon. Uyazi, apho ungenako ukuyeka ukufowuna kwaye ucinge ngomnye, uqala ukuphupha ngekamva kunye kwaye ngelixa uhlala ugxeka ngokwenene, uzifumana ubhala. imibongo okokuqala ebomini bakho. Kodwa ukuqhushumba kwebhombu yothando kwahlukile-ubukhulu becala kuba icala elinye kwaye livakala lincinci. Ziintyatyambo eziziswe emsebenzini ngeentliziyo ezinegama lakho, umcebisi kunye nonjingalwazi USuzanne Deggs-White, Ph.D inikeza njengomzekelo omnye. Yimibhalo eyonyuka rhoqo njengoko ikhula kwinkanuko yothando. Yinkangeleko eyothusayo eyenzelwe ukukukhohlisa ukuba uchithe ixesha elininzi kunye nebhombu-kwaye, hayi ngempazamo, ixesha elincinci nabanye, okanye uwedwa. Ukuba ubanjwe ngokukhawuleza ngenxa yokuhlaselwa kwezandla zothando, kunokwenzeka ukuba, uhlaselwa ngothando.
Kwincwadi yesikhokelo Yintoni iPsychology?: Psychology Social , iHal Belch ichaza ukuqhushumbiswa kweebhombu zothando njengeqhinga elisetyenziswa ziinkokeli zehlelo: Ukutsala amalungu anokuba ngamalungu, amahlelo asebenzisa iindlela ezahlukahlukeneyo zokuzixabisa ngokuhlangeneyo ezaziwa ‘njengoKuqhunyiswa Kweziqhushumbisi Zothando,’ apho bashawa ngokuqhubekayo ngothando nendumiso. Kwakhona isicwangciso esaziwayo esisetyenziswa ngabarhwebi ngesondo ukuze bafumane ulawulo, ngokutsho kwencwadi Imigewu kunye naMantombazana .
Ukuqhunyiswa kwebhombu kuyasebenza kuba kudala ubuxoki bokuba ibhombu yothando isengozini kunye nawe. Oku ke, kubangela ukuba ubavulele ngakumbi kunokuba udla ngokuziva ukhululekile, ushiya ucango luvulekile ukuze lusetyenziswe kwaye lulawulwe.
Yintoni onokuyenza xa ukhanyiswa ngegesi?
Qokelela ubungqina
Ngenxa yokuba injongo ephambili ye-gaslighting kukukwenza uzive ngathi ulahlekelwe yinyani, kubalulekile ukugcina irekhodi lezinto njengoko zenzeka, ukubuyela njengobungqina xa uqala ukungabaza imemori yakho. Xa kuziwa kubungqina, i Umnxeba woNcedo lweSizwe loBundlobongela baseKhaya icebisa ukuba kugcinwe ijenali enemihla, amaxesha neenkcukacha ezininzi kangangoko kunokwenzeka, ukongezelela ekuzityand’ igila kwilungu lentsapho okanye umhlobo omthembileyo.
Yayama kubahlobo bakho kunye nosapho lwakho
Nangona kudla ngokuba yinjongo ye-gaslighter ukukwahlukanisa nabantu abakukhathaleleyo, ukuba nabantu ongeloqabane lakho onokuthi uzityand’ igila kubo kubalulekile ukuba kunokwenzeka. Ukongeza ekusebenzeni njengebhodi evakalayo, umhlobo okanye ilungu losapho ngumntu wesithathu ongakhethi cala onokuthi ajonge imeko kwaye akukhumbuze ukuba le nto uyivayo ayiphambani okanye ayibaxi.
Funa Uncedo lobuNgcali
Ukuba ukrokrela ukuba kukho i-gaslighting eqhubekayo kubudlelwane bakho, funa uncedo lonyango olugunyazisiweyo-ngokukodwa umntu ojongene nonyango lobudlelwane-onokukunceda uchaze into ohamba ngayo kwaye akuncede udlule kuyo. Ngokuxhomekeke kubuzaza bemeko yakho, unokutsalela umnxeba wokuXhotyiswa kweSizwe apha 800-799-7233 ukuze ufumane uncedo olukhawulezileyo.
Zeziphi ezinye iimpawu ezibonisa ukuba ukubudlelwane obuyityhefu?
1. Uziva Unexhala Xa Ningekho Ndawonye
Xa uchithe iiyure ezimbalwa kude neqabane lakho, uzifumana ujonga ifowuni yakho, unengxaki yokuzenzela izigqibo kwaye unexhala lokuba kukho into eza konakala. Ngelixa usenokuba uqale wacinga ukuba esi sisizathu sakho kufanele Yibani kunye (yonke into ingcono kakhulu xa ninobabini nje, nibambene esofeni), akunjalo, utsho. Jill P. Weber, Ph.D. Ukuba uhlala uzicingela okwesibini, ingaba ngumqondiso wokuba iqabane lakho libambe ubomi bakho-kunye nezigqibo ozenzayo-ngendlela eyityhefu.
2. Awuziva njengawe
Ubudlelwane obunempilo kufuneka buveze okona kulungileyo kuwe. Xa wena neqabane lakho niphuma nixhentsa, kufuneka nizive nizithembile, nimhle kwaye ningakhathali, ningabi nomona, ningakhuselekanga okanye ningahoywa. Ukuba uye waziva kubi Ukusukela oko ubuhleli nomntu wakho obalulekileyo, kusenokubakho izinto ezinetyhefu eziqhubekayo.
3. Unika Indlela Engaphezulu Kunokuba Uyithathayo
Asithethi izinto eziphathekayo kunye neentshukumo ezinkulu, njengeerozi kunye neetruffles. Kuninzi malunga nezinto ezincinci ezicingayo, njengokugudla umqolo wakho ngaphandle kokucelwa, ukuthatha ixesha lokubuza malunga nosuku lwakho okanye uthabathe i-ice cream oyithandayo kwivenkile yokutya-ngenxa nje yokuba. Ukuba nguwe wedwa ophuma endleleni yakho ukwenza ezi zinto zikhethekileyo kwiqabane lakho kwaye abazange baphinde babuyisele okanye babuyisele isenzo (ingakumbi ukuba sele unxibelelane ukuba le yinto ongathanda ukuyenza), kusenokuba lixesha. ukunika ubudlelwane ujongo olusondeleyo.
4. Wena kunye neqabane lakho Gcina amanqaku
Into ‘yokugcina amanqaku’ kuxa umntu othandana naye eqhubeka ekubeka ityala ngeempazamo ozenzileyo kubudlelwane, uyacacisa. UMark Manson , umbhali we Ubugcisa obufihlakeleyo bokunganiki i-F * ck . Nje ukuba usombulule umba, ngumkhwa oyityhefu kakhulu ukuvumbulula ingxabano enye kwakhona, ngenjongo yokuphinda-phinda (okanye okubi ngakumbi, ukuhlazisa) iqabane lakho. Umzekelo, masithi uphume nabahlobo bakho ehlotyeni ehlotyeni, waba ne-Aperol spritzes ezintathu kakhulu kwaye ngengozi waqhekeza isibane. Ukuba sele uyithethile kwaye ucele uxolo, akukho sizathu sokuba iqabane lakho lihlale liyivelisa ngalo lonke ixesha wena nabahlobo bakho ninomhla wokusela.
ENXULUMENEYO : Iimpawu ezi-5 zoBudlelwane Bakho buqinile
