Iimuvi esizibukelayo, iinkqubo zikamabonwakude esizityayo kunye neencwadi esizifundayo zidla ngokulandela indlela enye yokucinga xa kusiziwa kuthando: Ngumdlalo omnye komnye. Ngokuqinisekileyo, ngamanye amaxesha kukho oonxantathu abamangalisayo, kodwa ezi zidla ngokusonjululwa ngokukhetha omnye umkhweli. Kodwa kubomi bokwenyani, abantu bokwenyani ngamanye amaxesha bazifumana bengoonxantathu ngaphandle kwe Anna Karenina idrama. Oku kwaziwa njengobudlelwane obuthathu. Ungakhathazeki, siya kuchaza, ngoncedo lomtshato kunye nosapho lonyango R achel D. Mille r , yeFocht Family Practice eChicago.
Yintoni kanye kanye ubathathu emnye?
Ukuba ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo bubizwa ngokuba yi-dyad (abantu ababini), ngoko u-triad bubudlelwane be-polyamorous obunabantu abathathu. Yicinge njengeseti yepolyamory. Kodwa asingabo bonke oonxantathu abafanayo. UMiller usixelela ukuba oonxantathu bangathatha iindlela ezahlukeneyo: Onke amalungu amathathu kanxantathu anokuba nobudlelwane omnye nomnye, okanye ilungu elinye linokuba ngumdlali we-pivot kubudlelwane buka-V. Ubudlelwane buka-V (njengobume) buthetha umntu omnye (i-pivot) ukubudlelwane nabantu ababini, kwaye abo bantu babini, nangona bevumelene, abakho kubudlelwane omnye nomnye.
Kulungile, kutheni abantu bengenza obu budlelwane?
Loo nto ifana nokubuza nasiphi na isibini sokuba kutheni bekunye—kukho izizathu ezininzi zokungatshati komntu omnye ngokuvumayo: uthando, inkanuko, ukulungelwa, ukuzinza, njl. Inyaniso, uMiller uchaza, isizathu sokuba abantu babenze basoloko bebodwa kubantu ababandakanyekayo. , kodwa into abafana ngayo kukuvuleleka kwindlela engaqhelekanga yokuthanda nokuba kulwalamano. Nazi izizathu ezimbalwa emva kobudlelwane bobuthathu abuvileyo kule minyaka idlulileyo:
1. Isibini sasivakalelwa kukuba umtshato waso uphuphuma uthando, yaye sasifuna ukwabelana ngaloo nto nomnye umntu.
2. I-Polyamory yayiziva ngathi i-orientation kunokuzikhethela, ngoko i-dyad ayizange ibe yinxalenye yombono wabo wobudlelwane.
3. Umntu wathandana nabantu ababini abahlukeneyo kwaye wayefuna ukugcina ubudlelwane kunye nabo bobabini, kwaye wonke umntu ochaphazelekayo wayevumelana malunga nelungiselelo.
4. Umhlobo wesibini waba ngaphezu komhlobo weqabane elinye okanye omabini, kwaye bagqiba njengeyunithi yokwandisa ubudlelwane ukuba babandakanye bonke.
5. Isibini sasifuna ukongeza izinongo kubomi baso bokwabelana ngesondo kwaye, ngokwenza njalo, safumana omnye umntu esidibane naye kumanqanaba amaninzi.
Oku kubonakala kunzima. Zeziphi iintshukumo zobudlelwane obathathu?
Njengokutshintshana kwalo naluphi na ubudlelwane, inokwahluka ukusuka kwipolygroup ukuya kwipolygroup. Kodwa ngokukaMiller, ezinye iimpawu eziqhelekileyo zomthathu ophilileyo ziquka uthando lokwenene kunye nenkathalo kubo bonke ababandakanyekayo, iinkqubo ezinkulu zenkxaso (oku kunokuba yimvakalelo, imali, njl. njl.) kunye nomnqweno wokuhlala uvulekele kuzo zonke iintlobo zothando ezikhoyo ubomi babo. U-Miller ucacisa ukuba ngaphakathi nakweyiphi na i-poly okanye ngokusemthethweni ubudlelwane be-non-monogamous, izinto ezifunekayo ukuba zibe yimvume eqhubekayo kunye namandla kunye nokukwazi ukuxoxisana ngokutsha kwemimiselo ukuze onke amalungu afumane oko akufunayo kubudlelwane.
Yeyiphi imiceli mngeni abajongana nayo abantu abakubudlelwane obungaqhelekanga?
Nantoni na echasene neenkozo iya kujongana nocelomngeni. NgokwaMiller, abanye oobathathu baneentsapho ezinenkxaso emangalisayo ezibaxhasayo kwaye bamkele ukhetho lwabo ngeengalo ezivulekileyo. Abanye abaze baphume ngokupheleleyo kwiintsapho zabo kunye nabahlobo kuba abaqinisekanga ukuba baya kwamkelwa. Uluntu lusekwe ukuxhasa iingcamango zemveli malunga nomtshato-umzekelo, abantu ababini kuphela kubudlelwane banokukhuselwa ngesimo somtshato esisemthethweni, uMiller usixelela. Iimpembelelo zoku zinokushiya ilungu elinye likabathathu emnye liziva likhuselekile okanye linamandla amancinci kubudlelwane. Ukulungiswa? Njengalo naluphi na ubudlelwane: unxibelelwano oluhle kunye nencoko evulekileyo.
ENXULUMENEYO: Eyona Mithetho yoBudlelwane obuVulekileyo kakhulu kunye nendlela yokuSeta eyakho
