Makhe sithethe ngesondo, umntwana. Ngokukodwa, makhe sithethe ngamagama esifanele siwasebenzise rhoqo (ngaphakathi nangaphandle kwegumbi lokulala) ukuze sibe nempilo, ubudlelwane obonwabisayo. Siye sachwetheza uRosara Torrisi, PhD ukusuka iLong Island Institute of Sex Therapy , malunga namagama anqwenela ukuba izibini ezitshatileyo zisebenzise rhoqo (kunye nalawo afanele ukuwabeka kwigumbi elingaphantsi).
Amagama Mabini Izibini Ezifanele Zamkele
'Ingayiyo'
Igama elithi 'mhlawumbi' lingavula iingxoxo ezintsha kunye namathuba, uDkt Torrisi usixelela. Masithi, umzekelo, ukuba iqabane lakho lifuna ukwazisa indima ethile kubomi bakho bobulili. [Ngokuthi] ‘Nakanye! Kodwa ilizwi ingayiyo ivumela incoko malunga nokuba kutheni benomdla, kutheni befuna ukwenza oku nawe kwaye nawe uphonononge into onokuthi uyonwabele ngayo nayo. Kwaye, kupholile ngokupheleleyo ukuba kuyavela ukuba ukudlala ngathi ayisiyonto yakho. Kodwa ngokuncokola ngayo, unokufunda okuthile ngeqabane lakho nize mhlawumbi nifumane into entsha eninokuyinandipha kunye.
'Inkohliso'
Inyaniso mayixelwe, asizange sive ngegama elithi ‘inyanzelo’ ngaphambili kodwa siyayithanda into elithetha ngayo: isichasi sekhwele. Ukunyanzeliswa malunga nokuziva uthando kwiqabane lakho njengoko besonwabela into ethile okanye omnye umntu, uchaza uGqr Torrisi. Eli gama lisetyenziswa rhoqo luluntu lwe-polyamory ukuchaza indlela onokuthi uzive ngayo xa iqabane lakho labelana ngexesha kunye nokwabelana ngesondo nomnye umntu, kodwa intsingiselo yalo inokwandisa ngaphaya kwegumbi lokulala. Sihlala sifumana ulwazelelelo kumaqabane ethu xa bonwabele ixesha kunye nomhlobo wabo osenyongweni okanye njengoko beqaqamba yimincili emva kokuphumelela umdlalo webhola ekhatywayo, uchaza uGqr. Torrisi. Le mvakalelo yovuyo komnye umntu ihlala isenzeka ngokwendalo, kodwa ikwasisakhono esinoku (kwaye kufuneka) sihlakulelwe. Ke kunokuba ukhwele ekhweleni okanye ekumoneleni kwixesha elizayo iqabane lakho lisonwabela into engeyiyo ngawe (nokuba ubukele isiqendu Cobra Kayi okanye ukuthetha ne-barista enhle), zama ukuziqhelanisa nokunyanzeliswa-nobabini niya kuvuya ngakumbi.
Amazwi Amabini Izibini Ezifanele Ziphephe
'Ngalo lonke ixesha' kwaye 'asoze'
UGqr. Torrisi uthi ngalo lonke ixesha kwaye akaze abe sisithintelo, esongeza ukuba abaluvumeli unxibelelwano olunzulu nolutyebileyo. La magama anokuba yingozi ngenxa yokuba awaqhelekanga (iqabane lakho ngokwenene zange Hlamba izitya? Ngaba ngokwenene rhoqo lowo uqalisa ngesondo?) kwaye ungavumeli nayiphi na i-nuance. Okona kubaluleke kakhulu, ukuba ujonge utshintsho (njengokucela iqabane lakho ukuba linyuse izinga lakho lezesondo okanye likhuphe nje inkunkuma), ukuxelela umntu ukuba basoloko [okanye bangaze bayenze] le nto akubavumeli ukuba bakhule. Enyanisweni, la magama adla ngokukhokelela kwiimpikiswano kunokuba abe neencoko ezinentsingiselo. Endaweni yoko, zama ukubacacisela ukuba kutheni le nto bayenzayo ibuhlungu okanye into ongathanda ukuyitshintsha, okanye yintoni ongathanda ukuyenza endaweni yoko.
ENXULUMENEYO: Amagama ama-2 athi iNyanga yeSibini iyakuwugcina umtshato wakho (kunye ne-2 yokubeka kwiVault)
