Intombi yakho ibisoloko izithiyile iilokhwe kwaye igatya uBarbies, kodwa mva nje ibikucela ukuba uchebe iinwele ezimfutshane kwaye ibonakala ngathi ayikhululekanga eluswini lwayo. Ngaba oku kuqhelekileyo? Ayiqhelekanga? Ngaba kukho into yokucinga nzulu ngayo okanye into yokuya kwesinye isigaba?
Ukuba ngumzali kuzaliswe yimicelimngeni, kodwa xa abantwana bengaziva njengabo kunokuba nzima ngakumbi ukwazi ukuba babekho njani kubo—nto leyo, eneneni, eyona nto ibalulekileyo.
Nantsi indlela yokuthetha, ukuxhasa kunye nokuxhobisa umntwana otshintshe isini, ngokweengcali kunye nabantu abaye badlula kuyo.
Kuthetha ukuthini ukuba yiTransgender?
I-Transgender ligama elisetyenziselwa ukuchaza abantu abanesini esahlukileyo kwisini ababelwa ngaso ekuzalweni kwabo. Kubalulekile ukwazi ukuba ukuchongwa kwe-transgender kuxhomekeke kwisini. Per UReena B. Patel (LEP, BCBA) , ingcali yobuzali kunye nengcali yezengqondo, malunga nepesenti enye yabemi base-US ichonga njenge-transgender, kunye nezazisi ezingahambelani nesini (kunye nezazisi eziqinisekisayo) ziya zixhaphaka ngakumbi phakathi kolutsha lwanamhlanje.
Enye into ebalulekileyo ukwazi ukuba abantwana banomdla ngokwemvelo, kwaye abantwana abaninzi baya kubandakanyeka ekuziphatheni okucela umngeni kwimimiselo yesini kunye neengcamango. ngaphandle ukuchonga njenge-transgender. Nangona kunjalo, uPatel usixelela ukuba ezinye iimpawu ezinokubonisa ukuba umntwana wakho utshintshe isini ziquka: ukukuxelela ukuba akasiso isini esibonakala ngathi ngaphandle, ukucaphuka xa kukho umntu omxelela ukuba ungumntu othile wesini, echaza ukuba ukufuna ngokwenene ukunxiba impahla yesini esahlukileyo okanye ukucela ukudlala kwiqela lemidlalo yesini esahlukileyo.
UJacob wayeneminyaka emibini enesiqingatha ubudala xa wayeqala ukusixelela ukuba wayeyinkwenkwe, ukhumbula uMimi Lemay, umbhali wencwadi. Esiyakuba Yiyo: Umama, Unyana kunye nohambo loTshintsho kunye nelungu leBhunga laBazali bePhulo lamaLungelo oLuntu leBhunga lokuLingana ngokwesini. Kwisihlandlo sokuqala, kwakungekho msindo okanye uloyiko. Kodwa wathi akuqhubeka esixelela izihlandlo ezingakumbi emva koko saza saphendula sathi, ‘Uyintombazana,’ waba nomsindo ngakumbi waza wacaphuka ngakumbi ngalo mbandela. Sasididekile yaye sixhalaba ngakumbi. Sachitha iinyanga ezimbalwa ezalandelayo sizama ukumnceda aqonde oko sasicinga ukuba kukuzenzisa. Ndiyazisola ngalo lonke ixesha esalichitha singabuxhasi ngokupheleleyo ubuni bukaYakobi.
Azikho iiseti ezichanekileyo zokuziphatha okanye imithetho yokumisela ukuba umntwana u-transgender kodwa ngokubanzi, iingcali zijonge ukubona ukuba umntwana aziguquguqukiyo, ziyazingisa kwaye ziyazingisa malunga nesazisi sabo se-transgender. Unokufumana ulwazi oluninzi malunga noku kwiPhulo lamaLungelo oLuntu Iphepha leTransgender laBantwana kunye noLutsha .
Abazali Banokuxhasa Njani Umntwana Wabo *Ngaphambi* kokuba NeNgxoxo malunga ne-Transgender Identity
Qaphela 'ukwenza isini' kwangethuba
Kwanangaphambi kokuba umntwana angene emhlabeni, ukuba umzali uyazi ukuba yinkwenkwe okanye intombazana, siyayila esi sicwangciso, utshilo uPatel. Siba ‘genderfy’ (cinga: ukuthengela inkwenkwe iimpahla ezizuba okanye oonodoli bentombazana) ngaphandle kokubanika nethuba lokuhlola. Kwaye ngelixa uPatel evuma ukuba kukho utshintsho kwiminyaka yakutshanje (kunye neethoni ezingathathi hlangothi zempahla, njl.), uthi kusekho indlela ende yokuhamba. Le ‘genderfying’ iqhubeka kuphela xa umntwana esiya esikolweni, kwaye ootitshala nabazali bomeleza abantwana ukuba badlale ngezinto ezithile (cinga: iilori zamakhwenkwe kunye neeBarbies zamantombazana). Eyona nto kufuneka siqale ukuyibona kukuvumela abantwana batsaleleke kule nto bafuna ukuya kuyo kwaye emva koko sibakhuthaze ukuba bahlale apho kwaye bayisebenzise, utshilo uPatel.
Vumela abantwana baphonononge (ngelixa ubazisa ukuba abantu banokucinga ngendlela eyahlukileyo)
Masithi umntwana wakho ufuna ukwenza into ecela umngeni kwiingcamango zesini (masithi, inkwenkwe enxibe ilokhwe okanye intombazana echeba iinwele zakhe zibe mfutshane). U-Patel ugxininisa ukuba kubalulekile ukubavumela ukuba benze njalo, kodwa kwakhona ukubazisa (ngendlela engafanelekanga) ukuba abantu banokujonga oko ngokwahlukileyo.
Nantsi into enokubonakala ngathi: Ngaba ufuna ukunxiba ilokhwe? Kulungile, unganxiba ilokhwe. Nje ukuba uyazi, ngamanye amaxesha unokubona amantombazana amaninzi enxibe ilokhwe kunamakhwenkwe. Kodwa kulungile ukwahluka-uyiloo nto uyiyo, kwaye ndiyakuthanda ngenxa yoko.
Zigcine zibalulekile ezi ncoko uze usebenzise igama elithi ‘ngamanye amaxesha,’ itsho ingcali.
Musa ukoyika ukusebenzisa ulwimi olufanelekileyo
Yazisa igama elithi gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender-qalisa ukufundisa loo magama, ucebisa uPatel. Akanaminyaka ikhethekileyo apho abazali kufuneka benjenjalo, bephawula ukuba abazali bafanele banikele ingqalelo ekukhuleni komntwana wabo kwaye bakhumbule ukuba bamazi kakuhle umntwana wabo. Kodwa ungoyiki ukusebenzisa amagama achazwe phaya kuluntu lwethu amele umntu othile.
Buza umntwana wakho ukuba yintoni ayifunayo
Abazali ngabona badla ngokukhupha iimpahla zabantwana babo, bakhethe izinto zabo zokudlala baze bazibhalisele imisebenzi. Kodwa uPatel uthi kubalulekile ukubuza abantwana ukuba yintoni abayifunayo kwaye ubanike ukhetho. Hlala kude neengcinga ezisoloko zisetyenziswa ngesini, utshilo. Sikukhankanye oku ngaphambili, kodwa kuphinda-phinda-vumela abantwana bazikhethele kwaye bazihlolele ngokwabo.
Unokuba nenkxaso njani xa ucinga ukuba umntwana wakho uTransgender okanye bakuxelela ukuba banjalo
Thatha ixesha lokujonga iimvakalelo zakho
UNicole Nina , ugqirha wengqondo nonontlalontle, wayeqhuba umntwana wakhe oneminyaka eli-13 ubudala egoduka naye esikolweni xa waphuma esiya kuye. Ufuna nje ukukhusela umntwana wakho kwihlabathi, uNina usixelela. Kwaye bendinexhala kakhulu malunga nendlela abahlobo bethu abasondeleyo kunye nosapho ababeza kusabela ngayo, kunye nokuba umhlaba uza kusabela njani. Ndingunontlalontle kwaye ndikhe ndajongana nale nto kakhulu kumsebenzi wam wobugcisa, kodwa yahluke kakhulu xa ingumntwana wakho, uyongeza.
Amaxesha amaninzi abazali bayabhideka okanye bazive ngathi kukho into engalunganga abayenzileyo, utsho uPatel. Basenokuba nexhala lokuba ihlabathi liya kusabela njani kumntwana wabo. Ukuba kunokwenzeka, thatha ixesha lokuba ulungise iimvakalelo zakho ngaphambi kokuba uthethe nomntwana wakho, uyacebisa, ekubeni ukuveza ezi mvakalelo emntwaneni wakho akuncedi okanye akuncedi. Abazali banakho (kwaye kufuneka) bafune uncedo lokujonga ezi mvakalelo kwigcisa okanye basebenzise enye yezi zixhobo zidweliswe ngezantsi.
Musa ukuyichitha 'njengesigaba'
UYakobi udlule kwizigaba ezininzi kumntwana wakhe omncinci nakwiminyaka yakhe yasesikolweni: iincwadana zothando, ukuthanda kwakhe uRudolph iRed-Nosed Reindeer, ijezi yenja awayeyinxiba iinyanga ezintandathu, utsho uLemay. Oku kwakwahlukile. Okokuqala, ayizange iphele okanye imke. Wayeyazi ukuba wayeyinkwenkwe kwaye wayichaza ngokucacileyo phantse unyaka onesiqingatha ngaphambi kotshintsho. Okwesibini, ukungavunyelwa ukuba aphile njengenkwenkwe awayeyazi ngokucacileyo kwaba nefuthe kwimpilo yakhe yengqondo. Wayesiya erhoxa, enomsindo kwaye elusizi malunga nesi sihloko. Wayengakhululekanga eluswini lwakhe, yaye wakha wasibuza: ‘Kwakutheni ukuze uThixo andenze ngolu hlobo? Ngaba usisidenge?’ Uninzi lwexhala nosizi lwakhe lwaphela phantse ngoko nangoko notshintsho lwakhe kancinane emva kokuba eneminyaka emi-4 ubudala, enegama elitsha, izimelabizo ezintsha kunye nokuchetywa kweenwele ezimfutshane awayezicela. Ngoku uneminyaka eli-11 ubudala kwaye akazange agungqe ebudodeni bakhe.
Thetha nomntwana wakho kwaye uqinisekise iimvakalelo zabo
Ukuba umntwana wakho akaphumanga njenge-transgender, kodwa yindlela ocinga ukuba banokuchonga ngayo, babuze ngayo. Nantsi into enokuthi ijongeke: Bendiqaphela ukuba utsalela [faka ukuziphatha] okanye ubuza imibuzo malunga [nokufaka isihloko] - ingaba le nto ikwenza uzive wena? Kubalulekile ukuba sonke sizive sibandakanyiwe kwaye uzive ngathi ungowakho.
Ukuba umntwana wabelana nawe ukuba u-transgender, abazali kufuneka baqinisekise ukuba umntwana wabo uziva njani, nokuba usemncinci. Bazise ukuba uyabakholelwa kwaye uyabathanda, nokuba bangoobani na ngokwesini. Emva kokuba umntwana wakho ezelwe, masithi omnye owazalelwa ebudodeni ukuxelela ukuba uyintombazana, usenokuphendula ngokuthi: Kuthetha ntoni oko kuwe? kunye nemibuzo yokulandelela malunga nokuba zeziphi izimelabizo ezikhululekileyo kuzo, ukuba bangathanda ukuqalisa ukusebenzisa igama elahlukileyo kwaye ukuba kukho naluphi na utshintsho abangathanda ukulenza nokuba kusekhaya okanye ngaphandle kwekhaya. Ungabazisa ukuba ungathanda ukuphonononga oku ngakumbi kunye.
Kubaluleke kakhulu ukucacisa ukuba sikwihlabathi apho ungafanelanga ukuhambelana nesazisi okanye intetho ethile, utshilo uPatel. Unokusebenzisa igama Ukudala ngokwesini ukuba luncedo.
UPatel ukwagxininisa ukuba abazali kufuneka babuze abantwana babo malunga nokwenzeka esikolweni. Sifuna ukuqiniseka ukuba abacalulwa okanye baxhatshazwa kwaye baziva ngathi bangabo.
Yazi ukuba asiyoncoko yodwa
Xa umntu okwishumi elivisayo u-Adonis waphuma waya kubazali bakhe, indlela abasabela ngayo yayiluncedo kakhulu, utshilo. Ndivakalelwa kukuba le yinto enzima kwabanye abazali. Ndandisoyika kakhulu kodwa abazali bam abazange bayenze ibe yinto enkulu kwaye yayilungile ngokwenene ngayo.
Ngenxa yokuba uqala ukuba nencoko yababini ayithethi ukuba ugqibile kwaye kufuneka ube nayo yonke into, utshilo uPatel. Yityale nje imbewu, yiba nengxoxo encinci kwaye mhlawumbi ubuyele kuyo emva kwexesha elincinane, kodwa ubanike indawo ekhuselekileyo yokwabelana.
Umntwana wakho uya kuphuhlisa ukuqonda okungcono emva kokuba ethathe ixesha lokuyiqhuba ngokwakhe, yiyo loo nto kubalulekile ukuqhubeka nencoko.
Funda
Kulungile ukoyika kwaye kulungile ukuziva ukudideka kunye nelahleko, utshilo uLemay. Kodwa ekupheleni kosuku, ukubonisa umntwana wakho ukuba uyamthanda, ngaphandle kwemiqathango, kwaye unebhongo lokuba banesibindi sokuphuma beza kuwe kwaye baphile ngokunyanisekileyo kuya kuqinisa ubudlelwane phakathi kwakho kwaye ubanike ithemba lekamva eliqaqambileyo. . Ihlabathi liyeza, kodwa okwangoku, kusenokufuneka ube ngoyena mthetheleli ubukhali womntwana wakho. Ukuzifundisa ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ukuba yi-trans okanye i-non-binary linyathelo lokuqala nelibalulekileyo.
Zininzi izixhobo ezifumanekayo kubazali babantwana abatshintshe isini, kubandakanywa American Psychological Association , VUYILEYO , kwaye i iTrans Youth Equality Foundation .
Thetha nomboneleli wakho wezempilo
Xa abantwana befikisa, kuya kuba nzima kubantwana abatshintshe isini okanye abangahambelaniyo, uchaza uPatel Njengoko usondela ekufikiseni, ndicinga ukuba kubalulekile ukuthetha nogqirha malunga nokuba ngabathinteli bokufikisa kunye nolunye unyango lwe-transgender abathi kufuneka iqalise ukungena.
Yiba ngummeli womntwana wakho
Landela ukhokelo lwabo xa kufikwa ekwabelaneni ngolwazi-bavumele bagqibe ukuba ngubani kwaye nini na xa befuna ukwabelana ngemeko yabo yokutshintshela kwisini. Ku-Adonis, wayengakhululekanga ukuxelela amanye amalungu osapho lwakhe ngokuthe ngqo ngegama lakhe elitsha kunye nesimelabizo, ekhetha ukuba umama wakhe abe nencoko nabo endaweni yoko.
Ukuba, nangona kunjalo, baye babelana ngale nto nootitshala, abahlobo kunye namanye amalungu entsapho, cacisa nabo bantu malunga nokuba umntwana wakho ufuna ukubizwa njani kunye nendlela abanokuhlonipha ngayo ubuni bomntwana wakho kuba ukusebenzisa ulwimi oluchanekileyo kubaluleke kakhulu. Ndicinga ukuba sonke isizathu sokuba abanye ootitshala bam endibathandayo babe ndibathanda kukuba bandibize ngegama elifanelekileyo kwaye basebenzisa isimelabizo esifanelekileyo, utsho uAdonis.
Kwaye enye into yokugqibela ...
Lo ngumxholo onzima kubazali abaninzi kwaye unamandla okubahlukanisa nomntwana wabo, utsho uNina. Andazi ukuba uninzi lwabazali luyayiqonda indlela oku kubaluleke ngayo kubantwana babo.
Siyawathanda la mazwi engcebiso avela kugqirha wabantwana UMaureen Connolly, M.D. : Undoqo kukunika bonke abantu abatsha ithuba lokuphonononga ubuni babo ngendlela engabacaluliyo, utshilo. Ulutsha oludlulayo endilubonayo ekugqibeleni luya kwenza umhlaba ube yindawo engcono ngokudala isizukulwana sabantu abamkela ngakumbi. Oku kuvuma ukumela abo bangoobani ngethemba kuya kuqhubela uluntu lwethu phambili.
