Ulwalamano—kwanolulungileyo—lunamahla-ndinyuka. Kodwa nangona sibathanda abantu bethu ababalulekileyo ngaphandle kweziphene zabo, kukho ezimbalwa iimpawu ezinokuthi zenze inani kulonwabo lwakho lwexesha elide njengesibini. Kodwa ungagxininisi okwangoku: Ukuba wena neqabane lakho niphawula ibhokisi kwenye yezi mpawu zingezantsi, oko akuthethi ukuba sisiphelo. Endaweni yoko, kukutsiba ukuya kulwazi olusempilweni apho intsebenziswano yakho inokufuna iR&R encinci. Ungakhathazeki, sinawo amacebo okunceda.
1. Bayaxolela, Kodwa Ungaze Ulibale
Abanini benzondo, lumka: Ukungasoze uyeke impazamo okanye ukugqabaza kweqabane lakho xa sele likwenzile kunokubonisa umanyano olungaphantsi kolonwabo. Mhlawumbi ungcwaba isiganeko esidlulileyo vs. ukuthatha uxanduva kwaye uxolise ngayo. Okanye mhlawumbi awukwazi ukukunceda ekubambeni uluvo oluqhelekileyo kanye lwenziwe njengepateni-kwaye uphinde uyibeke kwakhona kuyo yonke ingxabano (okanye emva kwee-cocktails ezimbalwa), kungakhathaliseki ukuba kudala kangakanani. Kutheni kuyingxaki: Izibini ziyalwa. Kunikwe oko. Kodwa indlela eniyicombulula ngayo ingxabano yeyona nto ibalulekileyo xa kuziwa kwimpilo epheleleyo yokuthandana kwenu.
Ulungiso: Zama ukuvuleleka kwimigudu yeqabane lakho ukulungisa umonakalo. Okanye ukuba ungumoni, khumbula ukuba akukaze kube kudala kakhulu ukuba ube nempazamo yakho kwaye wenze umzamo wokuba ngcono kwixesha elizayo. Ngapha koko, ukuvalwa kubalwa kakhulu. Ubhala umqeqeshi wobudlelwane UKyle Benson : Umahluko phakathi kwezibini ezonwabileyo kunye nezibini ezingonwabanga asikuko ukuba izibini ezonwabileyo azizenzi iimpazamo ... Zenza zonke izinto ezifanayo ezenziwa zizibini ezingenampilo, kodwa ngaxa lithile, zinencoko apho zibuya khona.
2. Abasathi ‘Nceda’ nokuthi ‘Enkosi’
Isimilo sibalulekile. Kakhulu. Into yokuba nikunye iinyanga ezintandathu okanye iminyaka emithandathu ayithethi ukuba kufuneka uyeke ukubulela iqabane lakho ngalo lonke ixesha likunika ikofu okanye ukufudumeza imoto yakho imizuzu elishumi phambi kokuba uhambe. Enyanisweni, ukuncama nceda kwaye ndikubulele—okanye naluphi na uphawu lombulelo—kunokubonisa ukungakhathali nokungabi naluxabiso omnye komnye ekuhambeni kwexesha.
Ulungiso: Ilula ngolo hlobo: Bonakalisa umbulelo ngeenzame ezincinci rhoqo. (Sthandwa sam, andikholelwa ukuba ubucinga ukuyifudumeza inqwelo-mafutha yam. Yayibububele obungako!) Eso senzo silula sinokuba namandla ngokwaneleyo okumelana nomonakalo onokuba ngumlo, ngokutsho kohlolisiso olupapashwe kwiphephancwadi. Ubudlelwane Bomntu . (Ayisondlela enixambulisana ngayo, yindlela eniphathana ngayo ebaluleke kakhulu, ngokwababhali bophononongo.)
3. Abazibeke phambili izithethe zoBudlelwane
Amava amatsha yonke into kubudlelwane . (Khawubone ukutyhutyha kwiziko lomvuzo wengqondo yakho eliphindaphinda ukungxama kweentsuku zokuqala.) Kodwa ubumnandi bunokufumaneka kwizinto zemihla ngemihla. Umzekelo, xa nidibana etafileni ekhitshini rhoqo ngeCawa ukufunda icandelo lezindlu okanye into yokuba, kungakhathaliseki ukuba ixesha lokulala lihamba kade kangakanani nabantwana, nihlala niphumla kunye ukuya kuphinda-phinda lwemizuzu engama-20. Schitt’s Creek icala ngecala. Nokuba yeyiphi na inkqubo yesiqhelo, umzuzu wena okanye iqabane lakho nikhetha ukuyitsiba okanye niyithathe kancinci, kusenokulandela iintlungu zokungonwabi.
Ulungiso: Uthando oluhlala luhlala lusondliwa kancinci, imihla ngemihla yokunxibelelana, ngokutsho kwesazi ngengqondo uGqr John Gottman weGottman Institute. Ngamanye amagama, ezo zincinci zemihla ngemihla unxibelelwano lwethu longeza kwinto eninzi-kufuneka wenze ixesha labo.
4. Abaze Bachithe Ixesha Elisemgangathweni…Ngabo Babodwa
Uyalicekisa ixesha iqabane lakho elichitha lidlala imidlalo yevidiyo, kodwa ngesizathu esithile, uhlala uhleli ecaleni-ngecala ubavuyisa njengoko amaqhinga abo eMadden edlala ngexesha lokwenyani. Kukho igama lolu hlobo lokuziphatha: Kubizwa ngokuba yi-de-selfing kwaye sisenzo sokuyeka izinto ezingundoqo kuwe okanye ukuba ungubani ukuze ugcine ubudlelwane. Kodwa le ntshukumo ibangela inzondo. Kubudlelwane obuphilileyo, silungelelanisa iimfuno zethu ngabanye kunye neentetho kunye nesidingo sethu sokudibanisa kunye nokusebenzisana nabanye, kuchaza uDkt. Sibly . Kodwa ukuzeyisa kukubangela ukuba uphulukane nolungelelwaniso oluthambileyo phakathi kokuzimela (yithi, le klasi yeyoga ubufuna ukuyizama) kwaye ukhonze iimfuno zabo bakungqongileyo. Isiphumo kukuba uye ubambeke kwizinto eziphambili zeqabane lakho kwaye unike ilizwi kwiimfuno zabo ngelixa kwangaxeshanye ungcwaba ezakho.
Ulungiso: Yeka ukuthanda izinto ezithandwa liqabane lakho kwaye ubeke phambili ixesha elahlukileyo elikhulisa ukuziva kwakho kunye nesazisi esikhoyo ngaphandle kobudlelwane bakho. (Mayela neklasi ye-yoga: Yicwangcise ngelixa iqabane lakho lidlala imidlalo yevidiyo kwaye nobabini niya kuvuya ngakumbi.) Emva koko, ukungabikho kokungabikho. yenza yivuyise intliziyo. Kukwayimfuneko eyi-100 ekhulwini kumanyano olonwabileyo.
5. Balwa Ngakumbi Kunokuba Bevana
Njengoko besesitshilo, imilo ilungele ikhosi. Kodwa ngokutsho kophononongo oluvela kwi-Gottman Institute, eyona nto inyanzelisayo ukuba ngaba izibini zihlala kunye nomlinganiselo wazo wobudlelwane obuhle kunye neentsebenziswano ezimbi. Babhekisela kuyo njengomlinganiselo we-5: 1 othetha ukuba ngalo lonke ixesha ugxeka iqabane lakho ngokushiya itawuli yokuhlambela phantsi, ukhonza intsebenziswano emihle emihlanu (okanye ngaphezulu). Oku kusenokuba kukuncamisa, ukuncoma, ukuqhula, umzuzu wokuphulaphula ngabom, umqondiso wovelwano njalo njalo. Izibini ezingonwabanga zityekele ekunxibelelaneni okubi ngakumbi kunokulunga, okungavelisi iintshukumo ezilungileyo ixesha elide.
Ulungiso: Zibopheleleni kunye ukuze nizise ubuncinci ngakumbi kunxibelelwano lwenu lwemihla ngemihla ngokuhleka malunga neengxabano ezincinci kunye nokubamba inzondo. (Jonga ngasentla.) Kunokuba nzima ebushushu bomzuzu ukufumana ezihlekisayo, kodwa okukhona ubeka phambili izinto ezintle, kokukhona uya kukhula ulonwabo.
ENXULUMENEYO: 3 Izinto eziyityhefu ekufuneka uziphephe kubudlelwane okanye emtshatweni
