Kukho umahluko phakathi kokubalisa kwakhona ibali elihlazo ukwenza abahlobo bakho bahleke kwaye ngokwenene ujongane neemvakalelo ezingalunganga ezizisayo. Zombini inokuba ziindlela zokulungisa umonzakalo, kodwa le yokugqibela iyimfuneko kwimpilo yokwenyani yengqondo, ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo. Ayililo lonke ixesha elihlazo esilifumanayo liya kuhlala ixesha elide emva koko, kodwa abanye benza njalo. La ngamaxesha anokukhula ngaphakathi kuthi. Bajika babe yinqala esibambelele kuyo, besibambise kwaye basithintele ekuphumezeni amandla ethu.
Ukuba oku kuvakala kuyinto eqhelekileyo, lungiselela isibhozo sokuyeka ukuzilolonga okuza kukunceda uqhubeke nobomi bakho. Ukukhulula inzondo nokufunda ukuxolela akulula, kodwa kuyafaneleka.
Yintoni inzondo?
Ingqumbo bubukrakra obungapheliyo umntu abuvayo emva kokuba ephethwe kakubi. Izithethantonye zibandakanya umsindo kunye ne-umbrage, nangona ingqumbo inxulumene ngokusondeleyo neemvakalelo ezingalunganga ezihlala emva kwesiganeko, kunokuba zivele ngexesha elinye. Ngokomzekelo, usenokuba nomsindo ngelixa umphathi wakho uthetha phantsi kuwe phambi kweqela lakho, kodwa uya kuziva unomsindo kamva ngaloo mini njengoko ukhumbula okwenzekayo. Ingqumbo ikwahlala ixesha elide kwaye iba yinto yesibini, yiyo loo nto kunzima ukuyishukumisa.
Kutheni kubalulekile ukukhulula?
Ukubambelela kwiemvakalelo zokucaphuka kuyingozi kuwe—ngokoqobo. Uphononongo lubonise ukubamba inzondo kwandisa uxinzelelo lwegazi , izinga lentliziyo kunye nomsebenzi we-nervous system. Ngaphandle koko, ukwamkela ukuxolelwa kunokuphucula impilo yonke ngokunciphisa amanqanaba oxinzelelo.
Ngaphandle kwempilo yomzimba, ukuyeka ukuhamba kunokuphucula impilo yengqondo yomntu, ubudlelwane kunye nekhondo lomsebenzi. Umnxeba wezempilo iingxelo umsindo owakhiweyo kujongwe kwiqela elinye kunokopha kolunye ubudlelwane. Ukucaphukela umhlobo wakho osenyongweni ngokukuxokisa kunokuzibonakalisa ngokungxolisa abantwana bakho ngokuwisa umnqwazi. Ngokuthetha ngobuchwephesha, ngokutsho Forbes , abasebenzi abakwaziyo ukucinga ngokucinga ukugxeka okwakhayo kwaye badlule ngaphaya kwawo nawuphi na umsindo wokuqala owubangelayo 42 pesenti ngaphezulu ukuthanda umsebenzi wabo. Ngelishwa, ngaphantsi kwama-25 ekhulwini abasebenzi abakwazi ukwenza oko.
Kutheni kuqhubeka nzima?
Ah, umbuzo wesigidi seerandi. Ukuba ukuqhubela phambili bekulula, kulula, ndiyaxolisa, kuya kusombulula iingxabano ezininzi. Sonke sihlala e-Whoville kwaye bekungekho Grinch. Isitshixo sokuqhubela phambili kukuxolelwa, kodwa uxolelo aluzi lula kubantu abaninzi. Ifuna umonde, uvelwano kunye nokuba sesichengeni, iimpawu ezintathu uninzi lwethu kufuneka sisebenze rhoqo.
Kwaye, uRobert Enright, PhD, amanqaku aphinda ajonge ingqumbo ihlala ivusa iimvakalelo zovuyo (oko kukuthi ukubalisa kwakhona ibali elihlazo ukwenza abahlobo bakho bahleke). Xa abahlobo bakho besoloko beqinisekisa ukuba unelungelo lokucaphuka, kutheni ulwa nabo?
Ingxaki kukuba, ekugqibeleni ingqumbo iba ngumkhwa. Kungekudala, onke amabali akho aya kugcwala ingqumbo kwaye abahlobo bakho baya kudinwa kukuva ibali elikrakra elinye rhoqo. Ke, qala ukucula ingoma eyahlukileyo. Apha ngezantsi kukho iindlela ezisibhozo zokuziqhelanisa zokukunceda uyeke ukucaphuka. Yahlukana nenzondo uze uqhubeke nobomi bakho!
8 Ukuyeka Ukuziqhelanisa Nenzondo
1. Yichaze
Awukwazi ukuphilisa ukuba awuyazi into eyaphukileyo. Ukukhomba unobangela wokucaphuka linyathelo lokuqala lokuyiyeka. Ukwenza oku, kunamandla kakhulu ukuthetha ngokuvakalayo. Ukuxelela umhlobo, ingcali yokunyanga okanye ilungu losapho indlela oziva ngayo kunokukhulula ngendlela emangalisayo. Ukuba oku akunakwenzeka, bhala ileta ongazange uyithumele. Unokubhalela umntu obekek’ ityala ngomsindo wakho ngaphandle kokuzigxeka; ungabhalela umntu omthandayo okuxhasayo; ungazibhalela ngokwakho kwijenali. Inxalenye ebalulekileyo kukubethelela unobangela. Oku kunokuba nzima kakhulu kuba kuzisa iimvakalelo ezingalunganga kwaye kukucela ukuba uphinde ujonge iintlungu. Ungalila. Kulungile! Iinyembezi yindlela yomzimba wakho yokuyeka uxinzelelo.
2. Sebenzisa i-app yokucamngca
Ukucaphuka, umsindo kunye nokuxhalaba zizo zonke iimvakalelo zesibini, oku kuthetha ukuba zivela kwiimvakalelo eziphambili ezifana neentloni, ukuba sesichengeni kunye neentlungu. Xa ufunda ukuyeka, kubalulekile ukunika indawo ezona mvakalelo ziphambili. UGqr. Jud Brewer , ingcali yokukhathazeka, yavelisa i Ukuthomalalisa Ixhala app ukunceda abantu ukunciphisa kakhulu iimvakalelo ezingathandekiyo zesibini ngokuqaphela. Ezinye ii-apps, ezifana Zolile kwaye Indawo yentloko , Khokela abantu ngokucamngca okujoliswe kuko ukusebenzisa amandla eemvakalelo ezingakhiyo kunye nokuphinda kusetyenziswe into entle. Oku kunokuba yindlela enhle yokukrazula umphezulu wokucaphuka ukuze ukwazi ukujamelana neentlungu kwaye uqhubele phambili.
3. Yahlukana nengqumbo yakho
Amaqabane angaphambili, abahlobo bangaphambili kunye abantu abanetyhefu ebomini bakho zizizathu eziqhelekileyo zokucaphuka. Wahlukene nabo, ngoko kutheni ungohlukani nalo msindo uhleliyo? Iklinikhi ecacileyo icebisa ngokuyila umgama omde kangangoko phakathi kwakho ne ex yakho. Hambisa kwindawo okuyo kwaye ulahle (okanye uzimele ekuboneni) nantoni na ebangela inzondo. Thengisa loo ncwadi iqabane lakho elikuphethe kakubi ngokweemvakalelo! Nikela ngejezi owawuyinxiba xa umphathi wakho ekujongela phantsi! Emva koko, zijikeleze nabantu abakuthandayo nabakuhloniphayo. Ziphathe ngejezi entsha. Funda incwadi ekhuthazwa ngumntu omthandayo.
4. Guqula imbono yakho
Iingcali zengqondo ezimbini, u-Özlem Ayduk weYunivesithi yaseCalifornia-Berkeley kunye no-Ethan Kross weYunivesithi yaseMichigan, bafunde isiphumo sokuzibekela kude kwiimvakalelo ezingakhiyo. Ukuzibekela kude sisenzo sokuphinda udlale imeko engqondweni yakho ngokungathi ubuyibukele ungaphaya kwegumbi. Phinda ujonge isiganeko esikubangela ukuba ucaphuke ngaphandle kokuqikelela ukuba elinye iqela elibandakanyekayo lalicinga okanye livakalelwa njani ngelo xesha. Zeziphi izenzo awazenzayo umntu? Ngawaphi amazwi awawathethayo umntu? Cinga ngalo msebenzi njengokucutha utoliko lwakho olunemvakalelo, ucacisa iinyani endaweni yoko. Ukuziqhelanisa nokuziqhelanisa, abathathi-nxaxheba kuphononongo luka-Ayduk kunye no-Kross bakwazile ukusondela kwinkqubo yabo yokuphilisa besuka kwindawo yokuzibonakalisa kunye neyokusombulula ingxaki, endaweni yendawo eshukumayo ngokweemvakalelo.
5. Yamkela inzondo
Ukuziphindezela-banxaniwe-ababambe inzondo banokusithanda isandi salo msebenzi ekuqaleni, kodwa kudlulela ngaphaya kokuvumela inzondo ukuba ibambelele. USophie Hannah uthatha indlela engaqhelekanga yokuphilisa kwincwadi yakhe, Indlela yokubamba Ingqumbo . Undoqo ngulo: Kuya kufuneka ufunde okuthile kwingqumbo yakho. Ayinakuhlala nje, ithathe indawo kwaye ingenzi nto. UHana ugxininisa ukuba uzive zonke iimvakalelo ezinxulumene nenzondo kwaye ubhale phantsi imvelaphi yayo yonke ibali, ubalaselisa into okholelwa ukuba yayiyeyona nto ilungileyo ukuyenza emva koko kwaye yintoni eya kuba yinto elungileyo ukuyenza namhlanje. Emva koko, cinga ngoko ukufundileyo kula mava. Lo msebenzi awukuceli ngokucacileyo ukuba uxolele, kodwa ucela ukuba ubulele umthombo wenzondo yakho ngokukufundisa isifundo sobomi.
6. Guqula izihlangu kunye nomthombo
Ukuhamba imayile ezihlangwini zomnye umntu kukunika ingqiqo enkulu malunga nokuba uvela phi, apho bekhona kwaye kutheni benza ngendlela abenza ngayo. Njengoko uJudith Orloff, MD, echaza kwincwadi yakhe, Inkululeko Yeemvakalelo , ukuqonda intlungu yomnye umntu kukhokelela kuvelwano olukhulu ngabanye. Ukuba novelwano, okanye uvelwano lokwenene ngamashwa abanye, yeyona nto ibalulekileyo ekuxoleleni. Xa siqwalasela inyani yokuba indlela yokuziphatha komntu enento yokwenza ngakumbi nemithwalo yakhe kunendlela esisebenza ngayo, iyayitshintsha indlela esilujonga ngayo unxibelelwano nalo mntu. Kukwafanelekile ukuba ubhale phantsi amanyathelo osenokuba uye wawathabatha alimaza omnye umntu.
7. Khetha i-mantra efanelekileyo
Ulungelelwaniso lweDolophu , Iqela laseChicago elisekelwe kwiingcali ezingaphezu kwe-150 ezinelayisenisi, likhuthaza amandla olwimi oluhle. Kunokuba uvumele iingcinga zengqumbo ziphazamise ingqondo yakho, khetha igama okanye ibinzana elikwenza ube nombulelo okanye ukuqonda. Zama ngamabinzana ahlukeneyo athetha into kuwe kwaye anceda ngokusebenzayo ukutshintsha ingqondo yakho. Isenokuba yinto efana neka-Aristotle, Umonde uyakrakra, kodwa isiqhamo sawo siswiti. Mhlawumbi lilizwi nje, njengokukhulula okanye ukuxolela. Nje ukuba iimvakalelo zokucaphuka zingene, bayeke kwindlela yabo ngale mantra. Lo msebenzi unokuziva une-syrupy encinci ekuqaleni, kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha unokunceda ukuphelisa okanye ukunciphisa iimvakalelo ezimbi. Ikwasebenza njengencomo entle kweminye imisebenzi ekuluhlu lwethu.
8. Yitshabhise intlebendwane
Enye indlela yokuqinisekisa ukuba inzondo ikhula kukuqhubeka uchitha ixesha namandla uthetha ngomntu oyibangeleyo. Iphephancwadi Elilungileyo ichaza iindlela ezininzi zokuxolela; enye kukuba yeka ukuthetha izinto ezingafanelekanga okanye ezingafanelekanga malunga nomthombo womsindo nengqumbo yakho. Oku akuthethi ukumisa yonke ingxoxo yalo mntu, kodwa kuthetha ukuziluma ulwimi xa uziva unqwenela ukubuyisela ibali elibuhlungu (okt ukubalisa ibali elihlazo ukuze wenze abahlobo bakho bahleke). Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ucule iingoma zabo kodwa ukwenza umgudu wokuphepha ulwimi olubi kuya kumisela isiseko sokuxolelwa.
Ukuyeka ukucaphuka kugqatso lomgama omde, hayi ukubaleka. Iqhinga ngalinye kuluhlu lwethu lisebenza kwizihlunu ezahlukeneyo kwaye lisenokungasebenzi kumntu wonke. Zama nganye, xhoma kwizinto ezincedayo kwaye uyeke okunye.
ENXULUMENEYO: IMIBUZO: Loluphi olona phawu lwakho luyityhefu?
