Xa sithetha ngomntu okhohlisa iqabane lakhe, sihlala sicinga ngesondo. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha ukukopela kunokwenzeka ngaphandle kwegumbi lokulala. Kwaye nangona isenokungabandakanyi ulwelo lomzimba, inokuba bubumdaka nje, ukuba akunjalo. Ke yintoni ukukopela ngokweemvakalelo? Ngamafutshane, kuxa unxibelelana nomnye umntu kwinqanaba elisondeleleneyo, leemvakalelo kwaye uqhawule unxibelelwano neqabane lakho, kwaye kunokuba yingozi kubudlelwane njengokungathembeki ngokwesondo. Kodwa indlela oyichaza ngayo njengesibini sinokufumana ubuqhetseba, kunye nemithunzi emininzi yegrey. Ukunceda, nantsi into ethethwe ziingcali malunga nalo.
Ngoko ke, yintoni kanye kanye ukukopela ngokweemvakalelo?
Ukukopela ngokweemvakalelo kunokuba yiyo nayiphi na into ebandakanya amandla eemvakalelo anikwa ngaphandle kobudlelwane okanye umtshato, utshilo umnyangi ngesondo uCandice Cooper-Lovett we. Indalo eNtsha yeeNkonzo zoNyango lweNgqondo . Ukukopela ngokweemvakalelo kunokuba nantoni na ethatha kubudlelwane.
Kuba oko kunokungacacanga, kunokuba nzima ukukhomba ukukopela ngokweemvakalelo xa kusenzeka (kwaye kulula ukukufihla). Kodwa ngokwesiqhelo ukukopela ngokweemvakalelo kubandakanya iincoko apho unxibelelwano lweemvakalelo lukhula ngaphakathi kwimeko yomtsalane osondeleyo, icacisa isazi ngesayikholoji yeklinikhi. UGqr. Catalina Lawsin . Cinga izicatshulwa flirty, ngaphakathi iziqhulo kunye nezincomo ezikhula ngokuhamba kwexesha. Ubudlelwane obusondeleyo ngokwasemzimbeni abuyiyo inxalenye yobudlelwane-kodwa. Kusenokubakho umtsalane womzimba kolu lwalamano lutsha, kodwa loo mgca awukagqithwanga. Oku kudla ngokuvumela amaqabane abandakanyeka ekuqhatheni ngokweemvakalelo ukuba alungelelanise ubudlelwane njengolwamkelekileyo. Nangona kunjalo, icandelo eliphambili lokukopela, okanye nawuphi na umcimbi, kukufihla okanye ukukhohlisa. Ngoko ke, ukukopela ngokweemvakalelo kuye kwabonakala kunjalo kubonwa njengento nje, ukuba akukho ngaphezulu, elonakalisayo ubudlelwane [ngaphezu kokukrexeza].
Nguwuphi umahluko phakathi kokukopela ngokweemvakalelo kunye nobuhlobo?
Kodwa singabahlobo nje, litsho iqabane lakho. UGqr Cooper-Lovett uyachaza, [Ubuhlobo] abuthathi kubudlelwane bakho bangoku okanye bukwenze ube ngaphantsi kweqabane lakho. Kwaye ngokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo, mhlawumbi useka ubudlelwane obusondeleleneyo nobunzulu kunokuba ubuya kwenza nabahlobo bakaplatonic. Ulwalamano olusenyongweni olukhuliswayo kubudlelwane luyanelisa kwaye luyanelisa iimfuno zokusondelelana zomqhathi ezifunwayo ngoku kweli qabane litsha kunokuba lizibophelele kwiqabane labo lexesha elide, utshilo uGqr Lawsin. Imicimbi yeemvakalelo inokuqala njengabahlobo, kwaye ke xa ukusondelana kukhula okanye amaxesha onxibelelwano aqhelekile kwaye abe namandla, ubudlelwane buyaguquka.
UGqr Cooper-Lovett wongezelela ukuba kubuhlobo ngokuqhelekileyo kukho umda ngokubhekiselele kwindlela esibelana ngayo nathi, kodwa ngokukhohlisa ngokweemvakalelo, amandla ethu ngokweemvakalelo afana nalawo kubudlelwane bothando. Yiyo loo nto ukukopela ngokweemvakalelo kunokuba yingozi, utshilo. Ngaphezu koko, mhlawumbi uye wacinga ngalo mntu uhamba ze, nokuba awuzange ulale ngesondo, into ongayenza ngayo nabanye abahlobo bakho.
Kutheni inokuba yingozi ngakumbi ngaphezu kokukrexeza
Xa ubandakanyeka kumcimbi weemvakalelo, ujongwa ngokusisiseko kubudlelwane bakho bexesha elide. Amandla akho amaninzi aya kolunye ubudlelwane. Uyondliwa kulo mcimbi weemvakalelo, ngoko ke izinto onokuthi uzifune kwiqabane lakho ufumanisa ukuba awusazidingi kuba uzifumana kwenye indawo, uGqr Cooper-Lovett uyacacisa. Oku kunokubangela ukuqhawuka kobudlelwane, okwenza omabini amaqabane abe kude ngokweemvakalelo omnye komnye.
Ngenxa yoku, uphononongo lufumanise ukuba ukukopela ngokweemvakalelo kuyingozi ngakumbi kunohlobo lokukopela ngokwasemzimbeni. Kwimicimbi yezesondo, isondo ngokuthe ngqo kunye nokuncinci ukubandakanyeka ngokweemvakalelo (ngaphandle kokuba kwaqala ngaloo ndlela), uDkt Cooper-Lovett uthi. Kodwa xa iimvakalelo zibandakanyekile, kusenokuba nzima ngakumbi ukuba loo mntu aqhawule umtshato yaye kusenokude kuphumele ekubeni aphelise ulwalamano analo lwangoku kweli qabane litsha leemvakalelo, uyachaza.
Kwaye, njengemicimbi yenyama, amaxesha amaninzi imicimbi yeemvakalelo iyenzeka xa kukho iingxaki zobudlelwane ezifana nokungabinabudlelwane obusondeleyo, uGqr Lawsin uyacacisa. Ngelishwa, kunokuba babonakale elubala malunga nomnqweno womkhohlisi wokuphonononga obunye ubudlelwane, aba bantu bazibandakanya kwimicimbi ukuze bahlangabezane neemfuno zabo, bangazibandakanyi kubudlelwane babo.
Ngaba unetyala lokukhohlisa ngokweemvakalelo?
Ukuba umyeni wakho umsebenzi uqala ukuziva ngathi into ngaphezu nje cube iqabane, uGqr Lawsin icebisa ukuba nizikhwebule kweli qabane litsha kwaye uzibuze imibuzo embalwa ebalulekileyo: Kutheni andifuni ukuxelela iqabane lam ngolu lwalamano lutsha? Zeziphi iimfuno zam ezingafezekiswanga ngoku zihlangatyezwa kobu budlelwane butsha? Ndizama njani ukusebenza kubudlelwane bam bokuqala xa ndidala umgama ngokuzibandakanya kulo mcimbi weemvakalelo?
Kubalulekile ukwazi xa uwele umda oya kuba yingozi kubudlelwane kwaye unqumle okanye ubeke imida, uDkt Cooper-Lovett uthi. Vavanya ukuba wonwabile kubudlelwane bakho bangoku kwaye ukuba ufuna ukufumanisa oko ufuna ngokwenene kwaye wenze isigqibo esilungileyo nokuba uqhubeke nobudlelwane okanye uqhubele phambili.
ENXULUMENEYO: Isithandwa sam sithi asikwazi ukwenza umgama omde. Ngaba Ndimele Ndibuyele Umva?
