Akukho mntu unokuphikisa ukuba ukuthandana kwi-20s yakho kunezinto zayo. Mhlawumbi unabahlobo abaninzi abangatshatanga okanye ubomi bakho bentlalontle bubandakanya amaqela ezindlu anezitshixo ezisezantsi kunye neendawo zokosa inyama eziboleka ukudibana nabantu. (Ngokuqinisekileyo unamandla angcono okubuyisela kwi-margaritas enye eninzi kakhulu, oko kuqinisekileyo.) Kodwa isilumkiso somonakalisi: Kukho okuninzi okufuneka ukhangele phambili ukuba uzifumana ungatshatanga kwishumi lakho lesithathu leminyaka. Ukuyingqina, I polled abafazi real-kwaye watsala amava am-ukushwankathela kutheni ukuthandana kwi 30s yakho eneneni intle kakhulu.
1. Unombono ongcono wento oyifunayo
Kuyo yonke ibhodi, eyona mpendulo ixhaphakileyo endiyifumene kubafazi endithethe nabo yayikukohluka ukwazi into oyifunayo. Khawucinge ngoku: Nokuba ubunomfanekiso weqabane lakho eligqibeleleyo ukususela xa ubuneminyaka eyi-12, ekuphela kwendlela yokufunda ngokwenene ukuba zeziphi iimpawu ezibalulekileyo kuwe ngamava. Mhlawumbi ubukhe watsaleleka kubomi bepati… wade waqaphela ukuba bekudinwa kangakanani ukuqhubeka nokufuna ingqalelo yalowo wangaphambili. Okanye masithi ubusoloko uzenza umfanekiso nomntu onamabhongo amakhulu, kodwa ke ubungaphambani kangako malunga neentsuku ezili-14 zeentsuku zakho zokugqibela ze-SO. ebesoloko etsala. Uluhlu lwempahla yokuhlamba iimpahla aluthathi ndawo zonke iinuances kunye nobunzima bokwenyani, ubudlelwane obuphilayo-okukhona ukhe wajola, kokukhona uya kuba nombono ongcono wokuba yintoni ekusebenzelayo.
2. Kwaye ukhululeke ngakumbi ukuyicela
Ukuba ukuzithemba kuza kunye nobudala, oko kuhamba kabini xa kuziwa ekuthandeni. Cinga ngamaxesha xa wawusemncinci kwaye kukho into ekukhathazayo-umntu ombonayo enxibelelana naye, okanye mhlawumbi ubufuna ukuchaza ubudlelwane kodwa ungafuni ukubeka emngciphekweni wokuphazamisa nayiphi na i-equilibrium eethe-ethe osele unayo. Umncinci, ndikuphathele iindaba: awenzi mntu (kakhulu ngokwakho) naluphi na uncedo ngokungaceli. Andazi nokuba kungenxa yokuba amava aqokelelweyo aye asomeleza okanye sityekele ngakumbi kwisimo sengqondo se-DGAF, kodwa kubonakala ngathi xa sifika kwiminyaka yethu engama-30, sele siyigqibile. Uninzi lwabafazi endithethe nabo bakhankanye ukuba bangcono kakhulu ekuqinisekiseni iimfuno zabo, nokuba kukuxoxa ngesimo sabo sokuba nabantwana okanye ukwazisa umntu ukuba, hayi, kungcono ndingaqhubeli ngaphesheya kwedolophu ukuya kudibana. I-Dave & Buster yomhla wethu wokuqala kwaye singaya kwibha yewayini ezolileyo phakathi kwethu endaweni?
3. Ufundile kwiimpazamo zakho
Masingabeki zonke ezi zahlulo zangaphambili kwi-exes yethu (ngaphandle kukaSteve; lowo yayilityala lakhe ngokupheleleyo). Ndiyakuvuma ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba kukho amaxesha apho ndandizicingela kwaye ndingafuni ukuyekelela kunye nomntu endandithandana naye, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha ndabhala abantu (ababengafanelanga) kuba ndandikwi-headspace engafanelekanga. Kodwa endaweni yokuzibetha ngayo, ndiyayichola ukuze ndibe namava kwaye ndifungele ukwenza ngcono kwixesha elizayo. Kanye njengokuba ndisazi ukuba akufaneleki ukunyamezela ukuziphatha kakubi komntu endithandana naye, ndizimisele ukuzibamba kwinqanaba elifanayo. Emngciphekweni wokuvakala ngathi iposi ye-Instagram ye-yoga, uphuma kuphela njengoko ufaka-kwaye awunakulindela ukufumana ukuvuleka, ukunyaniseka kunye novelwano ukuba awuzisi ngokwakho.
4. Uyazi ukuba ungachithi ixesha kwiimeko ezinje
Phakamisa isandla sakho ukuba kukho intonga okanye enye into ebambeneyo yothando kwixa elidlulileyo etsalele kwindlela yexesha elide kunokuba ibifanele ukuba nayo (* iphakamisa izandla zombini*). Nangona izizathu zakho zinokwahluka, kum, ngoku ndiyaqonda ukuba yayiyindlela yokungakhuseleki: Lo mntu akakho mkhulu kum, kodwa ulapha ngoku, kwaye ngubani owaziyo ukuba kwixesha elizayo umntu uya kundithanda ngolu hlobo? I-chunk elungileyo ye-20s yam yayilawulwa yi-on-kwakhona, iimeko ezingakhange ziphile okanye zizaliseke, kodwa nangona kunjalo ndandisoyika ukuyeka. Kwaye ngelixa ukuziphatha kwam bekukude nokungabi nasiphako (ndiqinisekile ukuba ngendikwazi ukuqinisekiswa ngakumbi malunga nento endiyifunayo), ukuba bendinyanisekile kum, kwakucacile ukuba obo budlelwane babengenalo ikamva ukusuka ekufumaneni. -hamba. Ngoku ukuba ndinombono othe chatha, ndingcono ekuboneni ukuba kukho into ekufanele ukuba ndiyishiye—okanye ndingcono ukuba ndiyishiye kwangoko inqanawa. Njengoko uMarisa, oneminyaka engama-33 ubudala, ebeka: Uba ngcono ekususeni abantu ongahambelaniyo nabo.
5. Mhlawumbi unomvuzo ongaphezulu olahlwayo
Kulungile, ayiyiyo yonke into ekufuneka imalunga nokuzihlaziya kunye nophuhliso lomntu-ezo zibonelelo ziyimfuneko zibala into ethile, nazo. Ukuba ubusenza ngokuthe ngcembe umsebenzi wakho kule minyaka ilishumi idlulileyo okanye kunjalo, ngethemba lokuba unemali ethe kratya ebhankini (njengamathemba akho othando afanayo). Oko kuthetha ukuba endaweni yokungagqibeki kwiyure eyonwabileyo kwindawo yokuntywila yasekhaya, ungadibana nomdlalo wakho weHinge wamva nje kwimenyu emnandi yokungcamla-okanye ubhukishe uhambo olungakhange lubonwe ngumntu obumbona kule nyanga idlulileyo. Nokuba izinto azisebenzi, uya kuchitha ixesha elithile usenza into enomdla ngakumbi kunokuphunga ibhiya enamanzi.
6. Ulixabisile ixesha lakho ngakumbi
Eyona nto ilungileyo malunga nokuthandana kwiminyaka yam engama-30 kubuyela ekhaya ngaphambi kwentsimbi ye-10 ebusuku. kwaye ukuya ngqo kwimowudi ye-couch-sweats-TV, utsho uWhitney, oneminyaka engama-38. Nangona oku kusenokungavakali ngathi kumalunga nokuthandana, ngokobuqu, kubuyela emva ekungafuni ukuchitha ixesha kuye nabani na—kuba ukhululekile ukuba wedwa, ke ukuba kukho into eza kuphazamisa ixesha lakho elixabisekileyo lokukhulula, kuya kuba ngcono. Ngoku ndiyazi ukuba ndiza kufika kumhlobo onesicwangciso sokuphuma—njengokuthi ‘ndinokudibanela isiselo esinye kuphela kuba ndinesidlo kamva,’ utsho uAnny, oneminyaka engama-36 ubudala. ukudibana nawe! Nibe nobusuku obumnandi’ ngaphandle kokuvumela umhla utsale kwenye iyure.
7. Awuyi kufumana iqabane ngenxa nje yalo
Yonke intlonipho kubahlobo bethu abadibanise abatsha, kodwa ngokuya sikhula, kokukhona sifumana iqabane elifanelekileyo lexesha elide ngaphambi kokuba ube mdala ngokwaneleyo ukuba uqashe imoto kubonakala ngathi yi-fluke, ayinikwanga. Ngokuqinisekileyo, abanye abantu bayatshata, bahambe bebadala kunye kwaye bakhule kwaye batshintshe ngeendlela ezihambelanayo. Kodwa uninzi lwethu luchitha loo minyaka sicinga izinto sisodwa-okanye siqonda ukuba ubudlelwane bethu ukusukela ekholejini abusalunganga-kwaye sivele kwelinye icala sinomfanekiso ongcono wokuba singoobani kwaye sifuna ukuchitha ixesha lethu kunye nabo. . Kwaye siya kugwetywa ukuba siza kuthabatha konke oko sikusebenze nzima sikhangela umphefumlo kwaye sibambelele nje kwi-bachelor/ette elandelayo efanelekileyo edlulayo.
8. Unamava obomi obuninzi (kunye namabali angakumbi)
Ngaphandle kobudlelwane obudlulileyo, sele usemhlabeni okwethutyana ngoku, kwaye ayisiyonto imbi leyo. Usebenze imisebenzi embalwa eyahlukeneyo okwangoku, mhlawumbi ube nethuba lokuhambahamba kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo wadibana nabantu abaninzi abanomdla. Ngaphandle kwento yokuba onke loo mava akwenze wangumntu onolwazi, wehlabathi, ojikelezileyo, kukunika okuninzi onokuthetha ngako ngaphaya komgangatho wokuqala wokutya. ukhule phi kwaye bangaphi abantwana bakowenu -Ngelo xesha wawuqubha kumqolomba ongaphantsi komhlaba ... okanye ungene ngaphakathi SNL emveni koko yipati.
9. Ufumana uhlobo olutsha noluphuculweyo lwamathuba akho okuthandana
Kunokuba ucinge ngexesha elidlulileyo lomntu njengomthwalo-kuba, eneneni, ayisiyiyo imithwalo nje yamava?—zama ukucinga ngeqabane ngalinye langaphambili njengenxalenye yemfundo eye yabenza baba ngabantu abadala, abanobulumko ngakumbi namhlanje. Kanye njengokuba unethemba lokuba ufunde okuthile kubo bonke ubudlelwane bakho, bakhulile kwaye batshintshile kwiimpembelelo zabanye abantu, nabo. Ewe, oko kuquka uqhawulo-mtshato. Umntu othe wadlula kubudlelwane obuzibopheleleyo obungakhange busebenze akayompahla yonakeleyo-kude nayo. Basenokuba nokuqonda okubalulekileyo malunga nemingeni yobudlelwane bexesha elide kwaye bayayazi into abaya kuyenza ngokwahlukileyo kwixesha elizayo.
10. Izinto zihamba ngokukhawuleza, ukuba uyafuna
Uninzi lwethu lunohlobo oluthile lomhlobo owadibana nomntu wakhe kwi-freshman orientation kwaye wathandana iminyaka emithandathu ngaphambi kokuba bahambe kunye kunye nezinye ezintathu ngaphambi kokuba bathembisene. Kodwa ukuba udibana nomntu onxibelelana naye kwiminyaka engama-34-kwaye ukuzinikela kuyinjongo yakho-awuboni kwindlela enye. Nobabini nibe nexesha lonyaka, ngoko kuthetha, kubudlelwane obudlulileyo kunye nobomi ngokubanzi, ngoko ke amanyathelo alandelayo aziva ngathi ukutsiba. Nje ukuba ndiqale ukuthandana nomntu, sakhawuleza salandela yonke iBS, omnye umfazi wandixelela. Iintlungu zosapho, iipasikhowudi zeselfowuni, irhasi edlula ngokuphandle…konke kuhamba ngokukhawuleza kakhulu xa unexesha elincinane lokumosha. Enye ishwankathela: Ndidibene nomfana wam wangoku (onzulu) okwiminyaka yam yama-30 kwaye, ngenxa yezizathu ezahlukeneyo, ndiqinisekile ukuba ngekhe sidibane kwiminyaka yethu yama-20s.
ENXULUMENEYO: 9 Imikhwa yokuthandana enetyhefu onokuthi ube nayo (kunye nendlela yokuyilungisa)
