Ukuwela eluthandweni yinkqubo yomlingo, yendalo. Ubuchopho bethu buyaphela, bukhupha imichiza efanayo kukhutshwa ngexesha lobunzima . Uthando lude lulinganise iimvakalelo eziphezulu umntu azivayo ngelixa ekwi-cocaine. Oku kungokwemvelo; nayo ayizinzanga. Xa idangatye lokuqala lidamba, siye sizinze kubudlelwane obunothando okanye siluyeke luphele uthando size siqhubele phambili. Ngamanye amaxesha, ukutshisa okucothayo kuyabhida, kwaye kuba nzima ukuxelela ukuba sisathandana kwakhona.
NgokukaSimone Collins, owabhala incwadi ethengiswa kakhulu Isikhokelo sePragmatist kubudlelwane kunye nendoda yakhe, ukuwa eluthandweni kungokwemvelo njengokuwela kulo. Ayilotyala lamntu. Uthando lunokuthi shwaka kancinci ngokuhamba kwexesha okanye ngequbuliso emva kwesehlo esothusayo. Amaqabane anga ukubhidanisa inkanuko yothando , ngoko bacinga ukuba uthando lwenziwa ngokukhawuleza nje ukuba izinto ziqale ukuphola. Inyaniso kukuba, abantu bayaphelelwa uthando ngenxa yazo naziphi na izizathu. Kusenokwenzeka amaxesha amaninzi ngexesha lobudlelwane obude.
USharon Gilchrest O'Neill, Ed.S., onelayisensi umtshato kunye nosapho therapist , uthi okukhona isibini sithandana, kokukhona siya kudlula ixesha okanye amabini apho siqinisekile ukuba uthando luphelile. Ukuba uyayivumela okanye awuyivumeli loo mvakalelo ithathe indawo kukuwe ngokupheleleyo!
Ukuba ucinga ukuba usenokuba uyawa eluthandweni kwaye ufuna ukwazi indlela yokuqhuba le nkqubo, ungazibethi phezu kwayo—kwaye ungatsibe kwizigqibo. Nazi iimpawu ezisixhenxe onokuthi uphelelwe luthando, kunye nendlela yokujongana nayo.
ENXULUMENEYO: IMIBUZO: Bububungqina obunjani boqhawulo-mtshato kumtshato wakho?
Westend61/Getty Imifanekiso1. Ukubamba inzondo ngeqabane lakho
Ukuvumela ukucaphuka kuphele ngaphandle kokuthetha ngomthombo walo luphawu olukhulu lokuba usenokuba uyaphuma eluthandweni. (Ikwayeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokutshabalalisa ubudlelwane obungaphakathi.) Ingqumbo ikwahlelwa njengobukrakra kwaye idla ngokukhula xa elinye iqabane liziva lingaxatyiswanga okanye lingaxhaswa.
Ingqumbo inokuqala kancinane, utsho uNicole Arzt, ingcali yomtshato neentsapho, osebenza kwibhodi yabacebisi Umthandi woSapho . Kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha, inokutshintsha ukuba icaphukele yonke into ukusuka kwizitya, ukuya kwisandi selizwi labo, ukucheba iinwele zabo. Ngeli xesha, awukwazi ukubona iimpawu zeqabane lakho.
Ukuziva unomsindo akuthethi ukuba uphelelwe luthando ngokuzenzekelayo, kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo kunokukubeka kuloo ndlela ukuba awujongani nayo.
martin-dm/Getty Imifanekiso2. Ukungakhathali kwiqabane lakho
Uthando yimvakalelo enamandla, njengentiyo. Ukungakhathali, nangona kunjalo, kukungabikho ngokupheleleyo kwemvakalelo. Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba akunamdla kwaphela kwinto ecingwa liqabane lakho, liziva, lithetha okanye lenzayo, kusenokwenzeka ukuba iimvakalelo zothando ziphelile. UArzt wongeza abantu abenza ubuncinci obuncinci banokuthi baphelelwe luthando.
Basenokuzibophelela nge-date night, kodwa baziva bengaphumli kwaye banesithukuthezi, utshilo. Unokuchitha ixesha kunye neqabane [lakho], kodwa ugcina iincoko zilula kwaye zikumgangatho ongaphezulu.
Ukungakhathali kunokujongeka njengokuthatha isigqibo esisebenzayo sokungalibuzi iqabane lakho imibuzo. Ukuba awunakukhathalela kancinci malunga neprojekthi yabo okanye ungafuni ukuva malunga neengcinga zabo ngesihloko, oko kunokuthetha ukuba uyaphuma eluthandweni.
UDave Nagel / Getty Images3. Akukho mnqweno wokuchitha ixesha neqabane lakho
Ngoku, ukuba ubuhlala kufutshane neqabane lakho kulo lonke ubhubhani we-COVID-19, unokufuna ukuchitha ixesha kude nabo. Yinto eqhelekileyo leyo. Thina. Fumana. Yona. Kodwa, ukuba ngenene awunamnqweno nokuba segumbini elinye nabo, inokuba luphawu lwengxaki enkulu.
U-Arzt uthi abantu abangathanda ukuchitha lonke ixesha labo lokukhululeka nabanye abahlobo-okanye ngokoqobo nabani na ngenye indlela—isenokuba uyaphelelwa luthando. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuvuma lo mcimbi ngaphakathi ukuba oku kuyenzeka kuwe, utshilo. Ukuvuma akuthethi ukuba utshabalele- kuthetha ukuba uyazi ukuba kukho into otyhubela kuyo.
Thomas Barwick/Getty Imifanekiso4. Ukubeka phambili unxibelelwano lweemvakalelo nabanye
Unxibelelwano lweemvakalelo olunyanisekileyo kwaye unxibelelwano lusisiseko sokuba kunye nokugcina ubudlelwane obunothando. Xa uqala ukuguqukela kubahlobo, osebenza nabo okanye amalungu osapho ngeemvakalelo zakho ngaphambi kokuba uzityand’ igila kwiqabane lakho, isenokuba luphawu lokuba awusamthandi loo mntu. (Inokuba luphawu lokungathembani, nto leyo engumbandela owahluke ngokupheleleyo.)
Ukukhupha iimvakalelo kumntu ongaphandle kobudlelwane kunokuba sisilingo esimangalisayo, ngakumbi ngexesha lobunzima. Umntu emsebenzini onovelwano kwaye ongenzi izinto ezifunwayo anganomtsalane kakhulu, utsho uTina B. Tessina, Ph.D, (owaziwa ngokuba 'nguGqirha Romance') ugqirha wengqondo kunye nombhali we Isikhokelo sikaGqr Romance sokufumana Uthando namhlanje .
Kodwa akulunganga kwiqabane lakho kuba ayibaniki ithuba lokukwazi ngcono. Ukuziveza kubalulekile kubudlelwane obuphilileyo, obusenyongweni; ukuzityand’ igila komnye umntu kuthetha ukuba awufuni kuzivulela isifuba kwiqabane lakho.
Imifanekiso yeNoSystem/Getty Images5. Ukuthetha kakubi iqabane lakho kwabanye
Ukukhalaza kancinci malunga nemikhwa ekruqulayo yeqabane lakho kubahlobo akubonisi ukuba umtshato wakho uphelile. Wonke umntu kufuneka aphumle ngoku kwaye ngamanye amaxesha. Nangona kunjalo, xa iiquips ezincinci zijika zibe ziingxoxo ezinde malunga nokungoneliseki kwakho ngobudlelwane, ijika ibe ngummandla onengxaki. Le miba kufuneka iphakanyiswe neqabane lakho ngqo.
UGqr. Carissa Coulston, isazi sengqondo seklinikhi kunye nengcali yobudlelwane kwi IRose engunaphakade , uyavuma. Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba nguwe othetha kakubi ngomntu obalulekileyo kubahlobo okanye kumalungu osapho lwakho, kufuneka uhlehle umva… Ukuthetha izinto ezimbi ngeqabane lakho xa lijike umqolo kubonisa intshukumo eya ekupheleni komgca.
Fancy/Veer/Corbis/Getty Imifanekiso6. Akukho mnqweno wokuthandana neqabane lakho
Ubudlelwane bezesondo bugcwele iincopho kunye neentlambo. Amayeza, ukwenzakala kunye noxinzelelo kunokuchaphazela kakhulu i-libido yakho. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ufumanisa ukuba awuthandeki ngokupheleleyo kwiqabane lakho ngokwesondo, usenokuba uphelelwa luthando. Usenokuba uhamba nje kupelo elomileyo.
UDonna Novak, ugqirha wezengqondo onikwe ilayisenisi, uthi ubone izibini zikhululekile omnye komnye, ziba ngakumbi njengabahlali kunamaqabane othando. Ubudlelwane obusondeleyo bunokuhlala buvuselelwe kwakhona, kodwa ukuba awunamnqweno wokulawula idangatye , kuyafaneleka ukuqwalasela ikamva lobudlelwane.
Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Imifanekiso7. Akukho zicwangciso zexesha elizayo
Ukuthetha ngekamva, ukuba awunamdla wokucinga ngento eyonwabisayo okanye eyonwabisayo yokwenza neqabane lakho kwiveki ezayo okanye kunyaka olandelayo, uthando lwakho lunokuphela.
Xa ubudlelwane buhamba kakuhle kwaye uthando lomelele, isibini sicwangcisa kunye kwaye sithetha ngekamva, utsho uGqr. Coulston. Umqondiso wokuba izinto ziza ekupheleni kuxa uyeka ukuxoxa ngento enokwenzeka ngenye imini kwaye uqale ukuhlala kuphela apha kwaye ngoku.
Iimveliso ze-Hinterhaus / Getty ImagesYintoni omawuyenze ngokuphuma eluthandweni?
Ukuphendula Ewe, ndim lowo! kuyo nayiphi na imiqondiso ngasentla akuthethi ukuba ubudlelwane bakho phezu. Kuthetha nje ukuba ubambiswano lufuna ukuhoywa. Okokuqala nokuphambili, fumanisa ukuba lo ngumba ongapheliyo.
Ubudlelwane bunamahla ndinyuka, utshilo uJason Lee, iNzululwazi yoBudlelwane kunye noHlalutyi lweDatha kunye Isakhelo esisempilweni . Ukuba nosuku olunye okanye ezimbini ezimbi rhoqo kwaye apho uphoxekile kuyinto eqhelekileyo. Nangona kunjalo, xa ezo zintlu-nye zisiba yimikhwa, inokuba luphawu lwengxaki enkulu.
1. Ijenali kwaye ugcine umkhondo
U-Lee uyacebisa ukujolisa rhoqo kwaye ulandelela iimvakalelo zakho. Phinda undwendwele la mangeno kunye namanqaku ekuhambeni kwexesha ukuze ubone ukuba kungaphi na ukuba namathandabuzo malunga nothando lwakho. Jongana nabahlobo abasondeleyo okanye amalungu osapho ukuze ubone ukuba ulubonile utshintsho kwindlela oziphethe ngayo okanye ngokweemvakalelo. Usenokungaqapheli nokuba ukhalaza kangakanani na malunga neqabane lakho okanye ukuba amanqanaba olonwabo ehle kangakanani na.
Ingcebiso eshushu: Ngelixa uqalisa olu hambo, unganikezeli de ube uluthathele ingqalelo elufaneleyo. Qhubeka nayo ukuziphatha kakuhle ubusoloko ubala, utshilo u-O'Neill. Musani ukohlwayana phambi kokuba nifumane ithuba lokuthetha nibonisane kwaye nivane.
2. Chonga ukuba ucinga ntoni ngekamva lakho
Nabani na ongakuhoyanga ukwenza izicwangciso zekamva neqabane lakhe, qwalasela ukuba ucinga ntoni ngekamva lakho. Emva koko, yintoni oyifunayo kwiqabane lobomi bakho bonke?
Ukuza kumbono oqinileyo wokwazisa kwangaphakathi, uvavanyo kunye nokwamkelwa ekugqibeleni malunga nokuba yintoni oyifunayo ngokwenene kuya kuba luncedo kakhulu ekuqhubeleni phambili, utshilo uNovak. Oku kuya kukunceda ekugqibeleni unxibelelane into oyifunayo (okanye ungayi) ngekamva lakho kunye neqabane lakho ngendlela esengozini nenyanisekileyo.
3. Woyisa ingqumbo ngoko nangoko
Kamsinya nje wakuva ukucaphuka, jongana nayo kumthombo. Ukuba uyakuphepha, ukukrakra kunendlela yokusabalalisa, ukuphindaphinda kunye nokosulela ezinye iindawo zobudlelwane. Ziphephe ukugcina amanqaku okanye ukulandelela ukuba mangaphi amaxesha iqabane lakho lenza into engalunganga.
Ukuba uqala ukukhangela izinto ezimbi, ingqondo yakho iya kuzifumana. Ingqondo yakho iya kuguqula izinto ezingalunganga ukuze zilungele ibali olifunayo, utshilo uLee. Eyona nto imbi onokuyenza kukuhlala kwiingcinga kangangeenyanga kwaye uvumele ingqondo yakho yenze into engekhoyo ngokwenene.
4. Xoxa kwaye utyale kwakhona kwiinqobo ekwabelwana ngazo
Cinga ngesizathu sokuba wathandana kwasekuqaleni. Zeziphi iinqobo ezisemgangathweni kunye neenjongo owabelana ngazo neqabane lakho? Vula iqabane lakho njengoko nixoxa ukuba ezi xabiso kunye neenjongo zitshintshile.
Eyona nto inamandla onokuyenza ukugcina umtshato womelele kukwenza ubambiswano, iqela, apho omabini amaqela aziva ehlonelwa, ekhathalelwe kwaye efunwa, utsho uGqr. Tessina. Into eyenza uthando luhlale luhleli sisimo sengqondo ‘sobabini ndifuna wena nawe sifumane into esiyifunayo kolu lwalamano.’
Kuqhelekile ukuba njengoko abantu bekhula, kunjalo nangeenqobo zabo kunye neenjongo zabo. Ukuba kuye kwafumaniseka ukuba idangatye lokuqala (intabatheko) ibikuphela kwento ekubambeni ndawonye, kufanelekile ukuphinda kuphononongwe ukuba ubudlelwane lusakhonza omabini amaqela.
Qinisekisa ukuziqhelanisa nokuphulaphula ngokukhuthala kuyo nayiphi na kwaye zonke iingxoxo. Kuphephe iziphazamiso kwaye ube nomdla wokwenene malunga nokuba iqabane lakho lihamba ngantoni na.
5. Cela uncedo lwangaphandle
Akukho ntloni ngokucela uncedo. Oku kusenokuthetha ukuqeqeshwa sesinye isibini esikhe sakhala saza sasinda. Kusenokuthetha ukuya kwiingcebiso zabatshatileyo.
Zingqonge nabahlobo kunye nosapho olukhathalayo ngawe ngenkxaso ngelixa uphonononga oku. Kubalulekile ukuziqhelanisa nokuzithanda kunye nokuzikhathalela ngeli xesha, utshilo uNovak.
Nokuba yintoni na, luluvo olukhulu ukuba uyaphuma eluthandweni okanye hayi. Kutheni ulinda de izinto zoyikekayo? Ukutyala imali kubudlelwane bothando ngaphambi kokuba izinto zibe mbi kakhulu yimbonakaliso entle yothando.
Okokugqibela, yazi ukuba awuwedwa. Ukuwa ngaphandle kothando akumnandi, kodwa kwakhona, kungokwemvelo. Indlela oyihamba ngayo iya kugqiba ukuba ikubetha kangakanani na.
ENXULUMENEYO: Amagama ama-2 athi iNyanga yeSibini iyakuwugcina umtshato wakho (kunye ne-2 yokubeka kwiVault)
