Ingcamango yothando ekuqaleni kokubona ayintsha (jonga wena, uRomeo noJuliet). Kodwa ukusukela ngeentsuku zikaShakespeare, iingcali zemithambo-luvo ziye zafumanisa okuninzi malunga nento eyenziwa luthando kwiingqondo zethu kwinqanaba lebhayoloji. Ngoku siyazi ukuba iihomoni kunye neekhemikhali zinefuthe ekwenzeni izigqibo kunye nokutolika kweziganeko. Siye sahlulahlula uthando ngokwamanqanaba athile, iintlobo kunye neendlela zonxibelelwano. Nangona kunjalo, kusekho into engenakulinganiswa ngothando ekuqaleni kokubona, mhlawumbi kungenxa yoko 56 ekhulwini baseMerika kholwa kuyo. Ke ngoku yi loo mvakalelo—yaye ngaba uthando xa siqala ukubona luyinyani?
UGabrielle Usatynski, MA, umcebisi weengcali onelayisenisi kunye nombhali wencwadi ezayo, Ifomula yeSibini saMandla , ithi, Umbuzo wokuba uthando ekuqaleni lolokwenene okanye akunjalo uxhomekeke kwindlela esithetha ngayo ngegama elithi ‘lokwenene.’ Ukuba umbuzo ngulo, ‘Ngaba sinokuthandana xa siqala ukubonana?’ Impendulo nguewe. Ukuba umbuzo ngulo, ‘Ngaba uthando kwindawo yokuqala luthando?’ Kaloku, oko kuxhomekeke kwindlela olichaza ngayo igama elithi ‘uthando.’
Inkcazo yomntu wonke inokwahluka, ke cinga ukuba njengoko ufunda konke malunga nommangaliso oluthando ekuqaleni.
Inkanuko, indaleko kunye nokuvela kuqala
Isayensi kunye nesizathu sisixelela ukuba uthando ekuqaleni luyinyani inkanuko ekuqaleni . Akukho ndlela yothando-ubuncinci uthando olusondeleyo, olungenamiqathango, oluzibolileyo-lungenzeka phakathi kwabantu ababini abangazange badibane okanye bathethe omnye nomnye. Uxolo, Romeo.
Nangona kunjalo! Imibono yokuqala inamandla amangalisayo kwaye ngamava okwenene. Ubuchopho bethu buthatha phakathi kwesinye kwishumi sesibini kunye isiqingatha somzuzu ukuseka umbono wokuqala. UAlexander Todorov weYunivesithi yasePrinceton uxelela i-BBC ukuba kwixesha elifutshane elimangalisayo, sithatha isigqibo sokuba umntu unomtsalane, uthembekile kwaye unamandla ngokuguquguqukayo. Ned Presnall, iLCSW kwaye yamkelwa kuzwelonke ingcaphephe kwimpilo yengqondo , ihlela lo mzuzu njengenxalenye yengxabano-yokuphepha yokuphepha.
Njengabantu, siye savela ukuze siphendule ngokukhawuleza xa into yokusinda okuphezulu inqumla indlela yethu. Amaqabane anqweneleka kakhulu [kubalulekile] ukuba sidlulisele ngempumelelo ikhowudi yethu yemfuza, utsho uPresnall. Xa ubona umntu obangela ukuba ufumane ‘uthando ekuqaleni kokubona,’ ingqondo yakho ibachonge njengesixhobo esibaluleke kakhulu ekuqinisekiseni ukuzalwa kunye nokuphila kwabantwana.
Ngokusisiseko, sibona iqabane elinokubakho elijongeka njengomgqatswa oqinileyo wokuzala, sibanqwenela, sicinga ukuba luthando ekuqaleni, ngoko siyasondela kubo. Ingxaki kuphela? UNjingalwazi uTodorov uthi abantu bayathanda namathela kwimibono yokuqala kwanasemva kokuba ixesha lihambile okanye sifunde ulwazi olutsha oluphikisanayo. Oku kwaziwa njengesiphumo sehalo.
Yintoni i'halo effect'?
Xa abantu bexoxa ngothando ekuqaleni kokubona, uninzi lubhekisa kwinto elunxibelelwano lomzimba olukhawulezileyo, utshilo UMarisa T. Cohen , PhD. Ngenxa yempembelelo yehalo, sinokuthi sijonge izinto malunga nabantu ngokusekwe kumbono wokuqala. Kuba umntu ukhangeleka enomtsalane kuthi, oko kuphembelela indlela esizibona ngayo ezinye iimpawu zakhe. Babukeka kakuhle, ke kufuneka bahlekise kwaye balumke kwaye batyebe kwaye bapholile.
Iingqondo zothando
UGqr. Helen Fisher kunye neqela lakhe lezazinzulu kwiYunivesithi yaseRutgers bagxeka ingqondo ngenxa yesi siphumo sehalo-kunye nokunye. Bathi amacandelo amathathu othando inkanuko, umtsalane kunye nokuncamathela . Inkanuko idla ngokuba sisigaba sokuqala nesona sinxibelelene ngokusondeleyo nothando ekuqaleni. Xa sinqwenela umntu, ubuchopho bethu buxelela iinkqubo zethu zokuzala ukuba zivelise i-testosterone eyongezelelweyo kunye ne-estrogen. Kwakhona, ngokuziphendukela kwemvelo, imizimba yethu icinga ukuba lixesha lokuzala. Sigxile ekusondeleni nasekukhuseleni elo qabane.
Umtsalane ilandelayo. Ifuywa yi-dopamine, ihomoni yomvuzo eyayanyaniswa ngokuthe ngqo nokulutha, kunye ne-norepinephrine, umlo okanye ihomoni yokubhabha, umtsalane ubonakalisa isigaba sehoneymoon kubudlelwane. Okubangela umdla kukuba, uthando kweli nqanaba lunokwehlisa amanqanaba ethu e-serotonin, okukhokelela kumdla wokutya kunye nokutshintsha kweemvakalelo.
Inkqubo yakho ye-limbic (inxalenye 'yokufuna' yobuchopho bakho) iyakhaba, kwaye i-prefrontal cortex yakho (inxalenye yokwenza isigqibo yengqondo yakho) ithatha isihlalo esingasemva, u-Presnall uthi ngala manqanaba okuqala.
Ezi hormone ziziva-zonwabile, zilahla yonke into-ukuba-nazo ziyasiqinisekisa ukuba sifumana uthando lokwenyani. Ngokobuchwephesha, sinjalo! Iihomoni kunye neemvakalelo ezizivelisayo ziyinyani. Kodwa uthando oluhlala luhleli alwenzeki kude kube yinqanaba lokuncamathela. Emva kokuba ngokwenene sazane neqabane ixesha elide, sifumanisa ukuba inkanuko ikhule yancamathela.
Ngexesha lokuncamathela, ubuchopho bethu buvelisa i-oxytocin eninzi, ihomoni yokudibanisa ekhutshwa ngexesha lokubeleka kunye nokuncancisa. (Ibizwa ngokuba yi-hormone cuddle, i-AF entle.)
Izifundo zothando ekuqaleni kokubona
Akukhange kubekho zifundo ezininzi ezenziweyo kwisenzeko sothando ekuqaleni kokubona. Ezo zikhoyo zigxile kakhulu kubudlelwane besini esahlukileyo kunye neendima zesini esizicingelayo. Ngoko ke, thabatha oku kulandelayo ngokhozo lwetyuwa.
Olona phando lucatshulwa rhoqo luvela kwiDyunivesithi yaseGroningen eNetherlands. Umphandi uFlorian Zsok kunye neqela lakhe bafumana uthando ekuqaleni kokubona ayenzeki rhoqo . Xa isenzeka kwisifundo sabo, yayisekelwe kakhulu kumtsalane womzimba. Oku kuxhasa iithiyori ezichaza ukuba ngokwenene sinamava umnqweno ekuqaleni kokubona.
Nangona ngaphezulu kwesiqingatha sabathathi-nxaxheba kuphononongo lukaZsok bachongwe njengabasetyhini, abathathi-nxaxheba abachonga amadoda banokuthi baxele ukuthandana ekuqaleni. Nangona kunjalo, uZsok kunye neqela lakhe babhale ezi zihlandlo njengabathengisi.
Mhlawumbi eyona nto inomdla kakhulu yokuphuma kwisifundo sikaZsok akukho ziganeko zothando olubuyelanayo ekuqaleni kokubona. Akukho nanye. Okwenza ukuba kube lula ukuba uthando ekuqaleni kokubona luyinto yobuqu kakhulu, yamava wedwa.
Ngoku, oko akuthethi ukuba ayinakwenzeka.
Iimpawu ezinokuba luthando ekuqaleni kokubona
Izibini ezinyanzelisa ukuba bathandane xa beqala ukubonana banokuphinda basebenzise le lebhile kwintlanganiso yabo yokuqala. Emva kokuba bedlulile kwinkanuko kunye nomtsalane kunye nokuncamathela, banokujonga ngasemva ngolonwabo kwindlela yobudlelwane babo kwaye bacinge, Besazi kwangoko ukuba yiyo le! Ukuba unomdla wokwazi ukuba ufumana uthando ekuqaleni, qwalasela le miqondiso ilandelayo.
1. Unomdla wokwazi ngakumbi
Enye into entle ethathiweyo kwisifundo sikaZsok kukuba ukufumana uthando ekuqaleni kunokuba ngumnqweno ongxamisekileyo wokwazi ngakumbi malunga nomntu ongamaziyo ofezekileyo. Yimvakalelo yokuvuleleka kumathuba angenasiphelo kunye nomnye umntu-nto leyo epholileyo. Yamkele ithuku kodwa ulumkele umphumo wehalo.
2. Ukudibana kwamehlo ngokuthe rhoqo
Kuba uthando olubuyiselanayo ekuqaleni kokubona lunqabile kunokuba ube nalo wedwa, nikela ingqalelo kakhulu ukuba uyaqhubeka nokujongana ngamehlo nomntu omnye ngobusuku. Ukudibana kwamehlo ngokuthe ngqo kunamandla amangalisayo. Izifundo zibonisa ubuchopho bethu ngenene khuphuka kancinci ngexesha lokujongana kwamehlo kuba siqaphela ukuba kukho umntu onengqondo, ocingayo emva kwaloo mehlo. Ukuba awukwazi ukugcina amehlo akho kwiingqondo zomnye nomnye, kuyafaneleka ukukhangela.
3. Inkanuko ihamba nokuziva uthuthuzelekile
Ukuba siyayithanda into esiyibonayo, sinokuziva sithuthuzelekile, sifuna ukwazi kwaye sinethemba, utshilo uDonna Novak, isazi ngengqondo esinelayisensi Simi Psychological Group . Kuyenzeka ukukholelwa ukuba ezi mvakalelo luthando, njengoko umntu emangalisiwe koko akubonayo. Thembela amathumbu akho ukuba ithumela iimpawu zenkanuko kunye nethemba.
Iimpawu ezinokuthi ingabi luthando ekuqaleni
Kuninzi okwenzekayo kwingqondo yakho sele kusuku oluqhelekileyo, ke zinike ikhefu xa ujongene nomntu onokuba liqabane lakho. Iinkqubo zakho zovalo kunye ne-endocrine zihamba nge-haywire, kwaye kuya kufuneka uqhube kakubi rhoqo ngoku. Mhlawumbi ayilothando ekuqaleni ukuba ...
1. Iphelile ngokukhawuleza ukuba iqalile
Ukuba awukho umnqweno wokwazi ngakumbi kwaye umtsalane wakho wokuqala kulo mntu kuthethwa ngaye uyaphela ngokukhawuleza nje ukuba umntu omtsha angene, mhlawumbi ayilothando ekuqaleni.
2. Uvelisa ngokukhawuleza
UGqr. Britney Blair, onebhodi eqinisekisiweyo kunyango lwezesondo kwaye uliGosa eliyiNtloko lezeNzululwazi kwi-app yezempilo yezesondo. Umthandi , ilumkisa ngokuvumela amabali omntu ukuba athathe indawo kwisebe le-chemistry.
Ukuba sincamathelisa ibali elithile kolu gqabhuko-dubulo lwemichiza yemithambo-luvo (‘nguye yedwa kum…’) sinokuqinisa impembelelo yale nkqubo yendalo yekhemikhali yemithambo-luvo, ngcono okanye embi. Ngokusisiseko, musa ukubhala iRomCom ngaphambi kokuba udibane nomdla wothando.
3. Ulwimi lwakho lomzimba aluvumelani nawe
Ungadibana nowona mzekelo umangalisayo owakhe wadibana nawo, kodwa ukuba amathumbu akho ayaqina okanye uzifumana uwela iingalo zakho kwaye uzibeke kude nazo, mamela loo miqondiso. Kukho into ecimile. Awudingi ukulinda ukuze ufumanise ukuba yintoni na ukuba awufuni. UGqr Laura Louis, isazi sengqondo esinelayisensi kunye nomnini we Atlanta Couple Therapy , icebisa ukukhangela le miqondiso komnye umntu, naye. Ukuthetha ngokulula kunye nolwimi lomzimba zizo zombini izinto kwimbonakalo yokuqala, utshilo. Ukuba uqala ukudibana nomntu ongabonakali ukuba unomdla wokuthetha nawe (oko kukuthi iingalo ezinqamlekileyo, zijonge kude, njl. njl.) kunokuba yingozi.
Xa uthandabuza, zinike ixesha. Uthando ekuqaleni kokubona luyingcinga enika umdla, yothando, kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo ayisiyiyo yodwa indlela yokudibana neqabane lamaphupha akho. Buza nje uJuliet.
EZIQHELEKILEYO: Iimpawu ezisi-7 onokuthi uphume eluthandweni (kunye nendlela yokukhangela inkqubo)
