Hayi, ubudlelwane phakathi kukamama nentombi. Kungaba ukukhanya kwelanga kunye nemvula à la Lorelei kwaye Rory Gilmore , okanye, ngokuqinisekileyo, i-roller coaster ride à la Marion kunye ne-Lady Bird. Umzuzu omnye uyakhala malunga nejezi engafanelekanga, ngokulandelayo uthatha isigqibo ngokuzola phakathi kwamakhethini aluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka okanye e-beige kwigumbi lakhe (oko kukuthi, de intombi yakho ingavumelani nawe ...). Yinto entle, kodwa inokuba buhlungu ngokulinganayo, ngakumbi ukuba ujongene ne umama onetyhefu okanye intombi. Nokuba yeyiphi na indlela, akukho budlelwane bugqibeleleyo&neentloni;—hayi, nditsho neentombi zaseGilmore. Ngethamsanqa, unokuphucula ngokulula ubudlelwane bakho bomama nentombi usebenzisa iindlela ezifana nezi zingezantsi.
Iimveliso zeMoMo/imifanekiso ye-getty1. Misela Ulindelo Olusengqiqweni kuBudlelwane Bakho
Kwihlabathi elifezekileyo, sonke besiya kuba nolwalamano olomeleleyo naye wonke umntu ebomini bethu, kuquka oomama neentombi zethu. Kodwa into ekhoyo kukuba, ihlabathi alifezekanga. Abanye abazali kunye nabantwana ababini baya kuba ngabahlobo abakhulu, ngelixa abanye baya kukunyamezelana nje. Ukuba ujonge ukuphucula ubudlelwane bakho, yiba nenyani ngayo. Mhlawumbi anifanelanga ukuba nibe ngabahlobo abasenyongweni—kulungile. Yintoni enokuba yinto ephazamisayo kukufumana ithemba lakho kwinto engasoze yenzeke kwaye uphoxeke xa ingenzeki.2. Fumana imidla eqhelekileyo
Nokuba kukunyuka intaba okanye ukuyothenga okanye ukufumana iimanicure, chonga izinto enizithandayo nobabini nize nizenze kunye. Ukuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye akufunekanga uzive njengomsebenzi, kwaye indlela elula yokuqinisekisa oko kukuchitha elo xesha kunye nenza into eniyonwabelayo nobabini. Ukuba ngandlel’ ithile aninawo umdla enifana ngawo, zama izinto ezintsha kuni nobabini. Ngubani owaziyo, mhlawumbi nobabini niya kuthatha udongwe ngokukhawuleza.
3. Khetha amadabi akho
Ngamanye amaxesha kufanelekile ukuvuma ukungavumelani. Oomama neentombi, nangona ngokufuthi befana ngeendlela ezininzi, bafanele bakhumbule ukuba bakhuliswe ngamaxesha awahlukahlukeneyo yaye baye baphila amava ahlukeneyo. Wena kunye nomama wakho ninokuba nemibono eyahlukileyo ngokupheleleyo malunga nomsebenzi, ubudlelwane kunye nokuba ngumzali, kwaye kulungile. Kubalulekile ukuchonga iindawo apho kungekho namnye kuni onokutshintsha ingqondo kwaye avume ukuhlonipha uluvo lomnye ngaphandle kwesigwebo okanye ubutshaba.
4. Funda ukuxolela
Ukubambelela kwiemvakalelo zokucaphuka kuyingozi kuwe—ngokoqobo. Uphononongo lubonise ukubamba inzondo kwandisa uxinzelelo lwegazi , izinga lentliziyo kunye nomsebenzi we-nervous system. Ngaphandle koko, ukwamkela ukuxolelwa kunokuphucula impilo yonke ngokunciphisa amanqanaba oxinzelelo. Ngaphandle kwempilo yomzimba, ukuyeka ukuhamba kunokuphucula impilo yengqondo yomntu, ubudlelwane kunye nekhondo lomsebenzi. Umnxeba wezempilo iingxelo umsindo owakhiweyo kujongwe kwiqela elinye kunokopha kolunye ubudlelwane. Ukucaphukela umama wakho ngokugweba ubudlelwane bakho neqabane lakho kunokubonakala ukuba ungxolisa abantwana bakho ngokuwisa umnqwazi. Ukusuka ekutshintsheni imbono yakho ukukhuphela usetyenziso lokucamngca, Apha Zisibhozo imithambo eyodwa ukukunceda uyeke ukucaphuka.
5. Sebenza kuNxibelelwano lwakho
Njengakuzo zonke iintlobo zobudlelwane, unxibelelwano ngundoqo wempumelelo. Akunawe okanye intombi yakho (okanye umama) abafundi bengqondo. Ukuvuleleka omnye komnye malunga nendlela oziva ngayo yindlela eqinisekileyo yokuphepha loo nto ixhaphakileyo apho umcimbi omncinci uba ngumba omkhulu kuba awukhange uwukhuphe kwangoko.
6. Misela (kwaye Ugcine) Imida
Imida zizitena zokwakha zalo naluphi na ulwalamano oluhle, ngoko ke ukunyanzeliswa kwabo kunye nosapho ngundoqo wokugcina umgama onempilo ngelixa uyinxalenye yobomi bomnye nomnye. Unyango UIrina Firstein isixelela ukuba imida yindlela yokuya phambili kwidrama eqhelekileyo ngokudala iimeko oziva ukhululekile kwaye ukhuselekile kuzo. Imida ikuvumela ukuba ufowunele ukudubula, ngoko unokunqanda nakuphi na ukugqabhuka okungafunekiyo kugqirha wamazinyo okanye i-eye rolls kwitafile yokutya. Cela umama wakho izinto azithethayo okanye iindlela azenza ezikukhathazayo, u-Firstein uyacacisa. Oku kunokuba yiyo nayiphi na into esuka kwinkcazo ye-snide ayenzileyo malunga neqabane lakho kwindlela akubeka ngayo xa ethetha ngokunyuswa kwakho emsebenzini. Mxelele ukuba awuzukuba naye ukuba uza kuthetha nawe ngolo hlobo. Usenokumazisa ukuba xa ekhetha ukungasijongi isimo sakhe sengqondo emnyango xa umbona, olo tyelelo luya kuba mbalwa nangakumbi, ngenxa yakho.
Kusenokuba lula njengokumisela imithetho emincinci ukuthintela ukugqabhuka okunokwenzeka. Ukuba uyazi ukuba umama wakho uya kujonga ixabiso leelamuni ze-organic kwi-Whole Foods, vuma ukuthenga kunye kuphela. Umrhwebi uJoe . Ukuba awukwazi ukuma ubukele intombi yakho ichitha iiyure eskrola kwi-Instagram, cela umgaqo-nkqubo wefowuni emva kwesidlo sangokuhlwa. Ukumisela umda ofanelekileyo nosempilweni kuthetha ukuba nisenako ukuba yinxalenye yobomi bomnye nomnye, kodwa kuphela kwiisetingi enizamkela ngazo nobabini.
7. Sebenza kwiZakhono zakho zokuMamela
Uzithatha njengomntu othetha kuqala. Ungagqiba izivakalisi kwaye uchonge iingcinga ezifana neshishini lamntu. (Unje Queer Eye 's unlicensed therapist, Karamo, but IRL.) Hate to break it to you, kodwa interjecting yakho ngentshiseko okunene ukungena endleleni yesakhono incoko ibalulekileyo kuzo zonke: ukuphulaphula ngenyameko. Ngethamsanqa, kukho iqhinga lendlela yokuba ngumphulaphuli ongcono (okanye ubuncinci ubonakale ngathi ungomnye), kwaye kuyamangalisa ukuba kulula. Ngaphambi kokuba unike impendulo, nqumama. Yiyo leyo. Ngokwenene.
Ngokutsho kwengcali yengqondo engasekhoyo (kunye nombhali we Sukubila izinto ezincinci… kwaye zizinto ezincinci zonke ) URichard Carlson, ubizwa ngokuba phefumla ngaphambi kokuba uthethe.
UGqr. Kenneth Miller, Ph.D., inika uguqulelo lwendlela : Ngaphambi kokuba uphendule kwincoko, thatha umoya. Asingomoya omkhulu, omkhulu, nocacileyo othi ‘Ndizama indlela entsha yokuphulaphula kakuhle!’ Hayi, ngumphefumlo nje oqhelekileyo, olula, noqhelekileyo. Inhale, uze uyikhuphe.
UGqr. Miller uthi ubuchule unako bazive bengathandeki ekuqaleni, ngakumbi kubantu abangakhululekanga ngokuthula. *Ephakamisa isandla* Kwimeko enjalo, unokukhululeka kuyo ngokuphefumla nje.
Kodwa kutheni le ndlela isebenza? Ukuqala, kuyakunqanda ukuba uphazamise ngempazamo nabani na othethayo. Unqumamo oluncinci luphawu lwendalo lokuba baqhubeke ngokukhululekileyo naloo nto bayithethayo. Ngandlela ithile, ibavumela ukuba baphumle; ngaphandle koxinzelelo lokuzama ukufumana igama, baziva benyanzelekile ukuba babelane ngeengcinga zabo.
Okwesibini, ukuphumla kunika wena ithuba lokuphinda ucinge ngempendulo yakho. (Khumbula isaci sakudala esithi, Cinga ngaphambi kokuba uthethe? Eneneni yinyaniso ethile.) Ngubani owaziyo? Usenokude ugqibe kwelokuba ungathethi kwaphela.
8. Sebenzisa Iingxelo zika ‘I’ Xa Kuvela Ukungavisisani
Nakubudlelwane obuqinileyo kamama nentombi, ukungaboni ngasonye kwenzeka. Xa besenza, kuyanceda ukuba uzixhobise ngeendlela zokusasaza imeko. Umzekelo: 'Ndi'. U-Heather Monroe, unontlalontle onelayisensi yekliniki kunye nogqirha ophezulu e Newport Institute , ucebisa ukuba kunokuba uthi kumama wakho, ‘Ucinga ngale nto iphosakeleyo,’ nikela ingqalelo kuwe ngokuthi ‘Ndiyakholelwa ____’ nokuthi ‘Ndicinga ____’ ukuze uphelise uxinezeleko. Enye into ekufuneka uyikhumbule xa kusenzeka iingxabano kukuba akunakwenzeka ukuba nantoni na elungileyo iya kuvela ekubandakanyeni umntu wesithathu. Kusenokuhenda ukuthetha notata wakho xa umama wakho ekucaphukisa, kodwa ukutsalela omnye umntu ekungavumelani kwenu kunokwenza izinto zibe nzima ngakumbi.
Iimveliso zeSDI / Getty ImagesYazi ukuba ubudlelwane bakho bungaphaya kokulungiswa
Wonke umama-intombi ezimbini zinengxabano ngamaxesha athile. Kodwa ukuba uhlala uziva ngathi ungoyena mntu umbi xa ubuyile ekhaya, usapho lwakho lunokunyathela inetyhefu intsimi. Abantu abanetyhefu bayaphuma; ukudibana kwakho kukushiya ufile emoyeni,' utsho uAbigail Brenner, M.D . 'Ixesha kunye nabo limalunga nokukhathalela ishishini labo, nto leyo eya kukushiya uziva udangele kwaye ungafezekanga, ukuba awucaphukanga. Musa ukuzivumela ukuba udinwe ngenxa yokupha nokupha uze ungafumani mbuyekezo.’ Ivakala iqhelekile? Nangona kunokuba nzima kakhulu ukunqumla umzali onetyhefu ebomini bakho, akukho ntloni ekwenzeni oko. Nazi iimpawu ezilithoba ukuba ubudlelwane bakho bunokuba yingozi.1. Banomona okanye bazame ukukhuphisana nawe. Umama wakho wayephupha ngokuba ngumdanisi, kodwa waba ngummeli wohambo. Emva koko xa uphoswe njengoClara ngaphakathi I-Nutcracker eneminyaka eyi-12, umama wakho uchithe iiyure ekubonisa iividiyo ze yena imidlalo ye-ballet endala kwaye yaphela ngokufumana intloko ebuhlungu ngobusuku bokuqala kwakho okukhulu. Nangona kubonakala kuhlekisa ukuba umntu omdala okhulileyo angaba nomona ngomntwana oneminyaka eli-12 ubudala, yinto eguquguqukayo yokuba abantu abakwiintsapho ezinobuthi bazi kakuhle.
2. Basabela ngokugqithisileyo. Kulungile, utata wakho wayenomsindo ngokufanelekileyo xa wawubaleka endlwini uneminyaka eyi-9 kwaye waphula i-vase ye-heirloom. Kodwa ukuba usabhabha ephuma emhadini ngenxa yezinto ezisengqiqweni ngokupheleleyo ozenzayo njengomntu omdala (njengokuxinga kwitrafikhi nokufika emva kwemizuzu eli-15 kwindawo yakhe yokubhaka), olu lwalamano lunetyhefu ebhalwe kulo lonke.
3. Bakuthelekisa. Wena nodade wenu omdala ningabantu ababini abahluke ngokupheleleyo. Kodwa ngenxa yokuba engugqirha onabantwana abathathu kwaye ungumamkeli omnye kwiofisi kagqirha, umntakwenu uyakuthanda ukuzama ukunixabanisa nobabini. Udade wenu uhamba kwindlela ephakamileyo, kodwa ukugculelwa rhoqo komntakwenu kusakwenza uzive ungakhuselekanga kwaye uyahlaselwa.
Isine. Benza njengamaxhoba . Ngamanye amaxesha, abazali abanakukwazi ukunceda kodwa ukuba netyala kukhubekise abantwana babo. (Uthetha ukuthini, awuzi ekhaya kuMbulelo?) Kodwa kukho umahluko phakathi kokuvakalisa ukuphoxeka nokudala imekobume enetyhefu ngokugxeka wonk’ ubani ngeemvakalelo zakhe. Ukuba umama wakho wala ukuthetha nawe kangangeveki ngenxa yokuba ugqibe ekubeni uchithe uMbulelo nabahlobo kulo nyaka, unokuba kwindawo enetyhefu.
5. Abayihloniphi imida yakho. Uyamthanda udade wenu, kodwa usoloko engxamile. Wenze umkhwa wokubonakala kwikhaya losapho lwakho, engachazwanga, elindele ukuba akwazi ukuntlitheka esofeni kangangeentsuku ezimbalwa. Ngenxa yokuba uyamthanda, uyanikezela, kodwa nasemva kokumcela ukuba ayeke ukungena engakhange afowune, uyaqhubeka nokwenza.
6. Bahlala belungile. Abazali bakho baye bamthiya wonke umntu owakha wathandana naye, yaye iqalisa ukuvakalelwa kukuba akukho mntu uya kulunga ngokwaneleyo. Banezimvo ezifanayo malunga neenjongo zakho zomsebenzi, abahlobo kunye nayo yonke enye into. Ukuba uye wachaza ukuba wonwabile ngobomi bakho kunye nabantu abakuyo kwaye abasayi kuhlala ngaphandle kweshishini lakho, ngoko ubudlelwane bakho nabazali bakho bunokuthi buqhubele phambili (ukuba abukho) bunetyhefu.
7. Banikezela ngezigqibo. Uthando lomzali kufanele ukuba alunamiqathango, akunjalo? Kodwa umama wakho uhlala ebeka iimeko ezikrokrisayo njengezoyikiso. Enyanisweni, uvile amagama, ukuba awuyi kugcwalisa-i-blank, * awuyiyo intombi yam kwakhona, ngaphezu kweyodwa. Ukuziphatha okunetyhefu? Ewe.
8. Iincoko zihlala zithetha ngabo. Usanda kufowuna imizuzu engama-45 kunye nodadewenu wafumanisa ukuba akakubuzanga nombuzo omnye ngobomi bakho okanye ukuba uqhuba njani. Ukuba ebejongene nengxaki yobuqu okanye eneendaba ezimnandi, yinto enye leyo. Kodwa ukuba oku kwenzeka kakhulu ngalo lonke ixesha uthetha, ke olu lwalamano lunokuba yingozi. (Ingakumbi ukuba uyakutyhola ngokungakhathali ngaye ukuba uzama ukutshintshela kuwe incoko.)
9. Zichitha amandla akho. Ngaba uziva ngokupheleleyo udiniwe ngalo lonke ixesha unxibelelana nelungu elithile losapho? Asithethi ngokuziva ngathi kufuneka ube wedwa ixeshana elincinane, into enokuthi yenzeke nakubantu esibathandayo ukuba kufutshane (i-introverts ngokukodwa banokufumana unxibelelwano lukhupha). Ukusebenzisana nomntu onetyhefu kunokukushiya uzive woyisiwe kuba utyekelo lwabo olukhulu, olunesidingo kunye nololongo oluphezulu lunokufunxa amandla aphuma kuwe.
