Wamkelekile ‘Phakathi kwamaPhepha,’ ungcelele olutsha apho siphendula imibuzo ephathelele isini, ubudlelwane kunye nokufumana ulonwabo ngaphakathi nangaphandle kothando. Unombuzo otshisayo? Yithumele ku editor@purewow.com .
Ndamthanda umyeni wam ngazo zonke iimpawu ezintle azizisa etafileni. Ungutata obalaseleyo, uyandixhasa umsebenzi wam kwaye ungumhlobo wam osenyongweni. Kodwa akuyomfuneko ukuba ndizive ngathi uyandithanda. Silala ngesondo kuphela kanye ngenyanga, akafane anike uthando lomzimba kwaye akaze acwangcise ubusuku bomhla okanye amaxesha akhethekileyo. Ndinxibelelana njani noko ndisweleyo, ngaphandle kokuyithoba yonke imigudu ayenzayo emtshatweni wethu?
Isibini esineelwimi ezahlukeneyo zothando ngokufuthi sinokubonakala ngathi ziinqanawa ezimbini ezidlula ebusuku; zonke iimpawu zeuthando ziapho, azibonakali nje komnye umntu. Akunye as uqole kubudlelwane bakho, kuya kubakho amaxesha apho uziva ngathi ngaphezulu kweqabane kunomthandi.Ngoko ke ukujongana njani? Ngokukhumbula ezi migaqo mithathu:
Uthando luyakhula—funda ukuluxabisa
Iminyaka emininzi (okanye ngaphezulu) kubudlelwane,iisivunguvungu sothandongokungenakuphephekaisphantsi, kwayeubomi buncinciiirozi kunye nezikhundla ezintsha zesinikunye nokuninziiimpumlo ezibalekayo kunye nokuziqhelanisa nebhola ekhatywayo. Wenza umzamo kwangethuba, kodwa njengoko usongeza izibophelelo ezingaphezulu kwiplate yakho, ngamanye amaxesha awusoloko ungoyena mntu ulungileyo neqabane lakho. Ngamanye amaxesha ukubila kwakho-kunye-namagama-ezishwambayo, kwaye uyilahle, ilungile nayo.
Esona sipho sibalaseleyo sothando oluvuthiweyo kukuzivumela ukuba uphumlele ndima, ngokuqaphela iingxaki kodwa ukubhiyozela impumelelo. Ke mhlawumbi awunamnikazi kangako (Kulungile nayiphi na) i-lingerie, kodwa ngoku uyafikawothuka phambi komyeni wakho,ngaphandle kokukhathazeka ukuba uya kuhlukana nawe. Okanye ufumana ukuvuma ukuba unenzondo Idabi leenkwenkwezi kwaye uya kubukela eyona bhanyabhanya intsha kunye nabahlobo bakhe. Umgca ongezantsi: Uza kuba nguwe, kwaye yinto yokuxabisa.
Awunakulindela utshintsho olusisiseko kwiqabane lakho
Xa inkqubo iqala, kwaye ube nomntu iminyaka, wenaYiya kwiubone ukuba ngoobani kanye kanye. (Kungenxa yokouninzi lweengcali ziyavuma ukuba wenaakufaneleki ukutshataumntukwiminyaka emibini yokuqalayokuzazi.)Kwaye umfanaohleli naye ngoku kusenokwenzeka ukuba ngulomntu wayesoloko enguye umyeni wakho, kakhuluyokwenyaniinguqulelo yakhe (kunokuba uguqulelo ebezama ukukuchukumisa ngeempelaveki ezothusayo).Ukuba ubonisa uthando ngezenzo zenkonzo—esenza izinto zokunciphisa umthwalo wakho, ukuba ngutata olungileyo—emva koko ungalindeli ukuba athethe ngokufanelekileyo. Ukuba ubonisa uthando ngeisitshixo esisezantsiixesha elisemgangathweni nawe, ngoko ke usenokuba ingabi lolo hloboukothusa ngeisidlo sangokuhlwa okanye ukuthengaubumnandiIsipho sosuku lokuzalwa. Akukho mntu ingaba zizinto zonke.
Uthi umyeni wakho ngumntu omkhulu, oxhasayo ebomini bakho, utata olungileyo kunye nomhlobo osenyongweni.Kodwa ukubaawuziva uthando (okanye mhlawumbi inkanuko?), Uqikelelo lwam kukuba ufuna i-perspective-shifter. Ngexesha elizayo xa umyeni wakho esenza into enobubele (uthatha abantwana ukuze ungabikho, ukhuthaza ukuba ucele ukunyuswa), zama ukukubona njengesenzo sothando endaweni yesenzo esilula sobubele.
Kodwa unokucela iqabane lakho ukuba lenze imigudu yokubonisa uthando olungakumbi
Nangona awukwazi ukulindela ukuba umyeni wakho atshintshe ngokupheleleyo, wenaunakoulindele ukuba adibane nawe embindini.Yonakuvakala ngathi ulixesha elisemgangathweni kunye nomntu ochukumisayo ngokwasemzimbeni, ngoko ke ndicinga ukuba inyathelo lakho lokuqala kukucela ngakumbi, kulo mba.Ngaba uyafuna ukubamba izandla xa uphumile? Ngaba ufuna ukubamba kwitphezulu xa usekhaya esofeni? Ngaba ufuna isondo ngakumbi ngeveki? Yiza neusukelo, mhlalise phantsi nincokole. Buza ukuba uthando lubukeka njani kuye, naye. Xa abantu beziva bethandwa, badla ngokuziva bephefumlelweukuyinikangasemva.
Okulandelayo, ngumsebenzi wakho ukuphumeza oko ukucelileyo. Qalisa ngesondorhoqo, fikelela isandla sakhe xa uphumilekwaye ucwangcise imihla nina nobabini kuphela.Ewe, uyafuna ukuba umyeni wakho enze ezi zinto, kodwa ngokumisela umzekelo wendlela olukhangeleka ngayo ulwimi lwakho lothando, umnika ithuba lokulwa. Kwaye kukho into endixelela ukuba ulungele umngeni.
NguJenna Birch umqeqeshi wokuthandana , intatheli kunye nombhali we Umsantsa wothando: Isicwangciso esiQhelekileyo sokuPhumelela kuBomi nakuThando .
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