Umyeni wam uneqela elinye labahlobo ukususela ebuntwaneni, kwaye bonke banemvelaphi efanayo yenkcubeko. Kuhle ukuba baye bafumana inkxaso omnye komnye, kodwa mva nje uhlala kude kakhulu kunye nabo. Uphuma ngeengokuhlwa ngeCawa, ngokufuthi efika ekhaya ngeyesi-3 okanye ngesi-4 kusasa. Ucwangciso lwakhe lomsebenzi lubhetyebhetye, kodwa olwam lubekwe ematyeni, yaye ubusuku bakhe basebusuku buthetha ukuba asinakukwazi ukuhamba kunye kusasa, nto leyo ebalulekileyo kum. Xa ekunye nabahlobo bakhe, ndibona okuncinci kuye, kwaye ekugqibeleni ndibacaphukela aba bafana ngenxa yoko. Ndingenza ntoni? Ndivakalelwa kukuba ukhetha ukubona abahlobo bakhe ngaphezu kwam, okubonakala ngathi kukugatya okunzulu.
Abantu baxakekile kwezi ntsuku, kwaye ndiyaqonda ngokupheleleyo ukuba abantu abadala ababini abasebenzayo banokuba neeveki apho kukho ixesha elincinci lokunxibelelana. Kodwa ukuba uhlala uphoswa kukusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo, oko kungunobangela wokukhathazeka.
Ngawo nawuphi na umlo oqhubekayo, umba kufuneka ulungiswe ngendlela entsha. Uqikelelo lwam kukuba, kuba kumlo weveki, le ntaba-mlilo igqabhuka kanye xa isentsha. Kwaye ngelixa ndisiqonda ithuku lokutsiba ngoko nangoko xa engena emnyango, mhlawumbi ayiloxesha lilungileyo lokuba nale ncoko. Lindela de kube iimvakalelo zakho zijongiwe ukuze ungene nomoya osengozini kwaye kungekhona ukulwa.
Kukho kwakhona imiba emibini eyahlukeneyo edlalwa apha. Okokuqala, awufumani xesha laneleyo kunye naye ukuze uzive usondele kwaye unxibelelene ngokusondeleyo. Eyesibini, uyabuza ukuba uzimisele na kwaye ufuna ukuba nawe, kwaye ujonge umtshato olungileyo.
Umba wokuqala yicanary kumgodi wamalahle. Kutheni engaziva kufuneka akubone nawe? Kuya kufuneka ufumanise ukuba sisivusi sobuxoki okanye akanakho ukuzibophelela kufuneka uzive ukhuselekile kobu budlelwane. Kodwa masicinge okona kulungileyo ukusuka ekuhambeni: ukuba ufuna nje ukuthetha okuhle, okuqinileyo malunga nendlela oziva uthandwa ngayo.
Cacisa ukuba ixesha elisemgangathweni lithetha ntoni kuwe
Kufuneka wabelane ngeqabane lakho nabanye abantu, kunjalo. Kodwa ukuba uluhlobo lomfazi okhathalayo ukuba iqabane lakhe libeka kuqala, ngoko kufuneka kwakhona uchaze oku kuye ngendlela esengozini, ngexesha lengxoxo engatshisiyo.
Ingakumbi ukuba ungumntu wexesha elisemgangathweni uthando ulwimi, ke kufuneka umxelele oku yindlela oziva uthandwa ngayo: Ndiziva ndikhuselekile kubudlelwane bethu xa sinexesha elingaguqukiyo kunye. Xa singafuni, ndiyabuza ukuba uyandithanda okanye awundithandi. Ngaba singakwazi ukuzibophelela kwixesha elithile ngeveki elilungiselelwe thina kuphela? Unokuba nolwimi olwahlukileyo lothando kwaye akayiqondi imfuno yakho yokungaguquguquki okunjalo.
Yabelana ngento owabelane ngayo nam-ukuba uyidinga ngenene olo hambo lokuhamba kusasa ukuze uqhagamshelwe kwakhona, kwaye ukuba kwishedyuli enye kukuvumela ukuba nobabini nibekho omnye komnye. Ngokuqinisekileyo ungamxeleli ukuba angaboni abahlobo bakhe. Ngapha koko, ukubathiya yingqumbo engafanelekanga—oku kuphathelele nina nobabini.
Yiza kuyo ngentliziyo evulekileyo. Ukuba izinto azitshintshi , ngoko kuya kufuneka uthathe inyathelo elikhulu.
Mnike uxanduva ngezenzo zakhe
Ukuba izinto azitshintshi, nangona kunjalo, kuya kufuneka uxelele iqabane lakho ukuba awuziva ukuzinikela kwakhe kwaye kukubangela ukuba ubuze uthando lwakhe. Ewe, oko kusenokuvakala kunkwantya, kodwa kufuneka azi ukuba oku kukuchaphazela ngokunzulu.
Kwakhona, akubona abahlobo—kukungaqwalaseli iimfuno zakho, nto leyo efunekayo kuwo nawuphi na umtshato.
Ekugqibeleni, awukwazi ukuqhubeka unika uthando xa iqula lomile, kwaye kufuneka azi ukuba usemigodini kula maqhekeza okugqibela amanzi. Ukuba akakwazi ukuqonda oko, ngoko mhlawumbi akakakulungeli ubuzaza bobudlelwane bakho.
UJenna Birch yintatheli kunye nombhali we Umsantsa wothando: Isicwangciso esiQhelekileyo sokuPhumelela ebomini naseLuthandweni , isikhokelo sokwakha ubudlelwane kubafazi banamhlanje, ngokunjalo umqeqeshi wokuthandana (ukwamkela abathengi abatsha ngo-2020). Ukumbuza umbuzo, anokuthi awuphendule kwikholamu ezayo kaPampereDpeopleny, mthumelele i-imeyile apha jen.birch@sbcglobal.net .
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